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Thread: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

  1. #41
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Just wanted to thank you guys again we are working it out and he is coming home when I'm ready i thought it was hopeless getting him back but got great advice from everyone on here .He said it suddenly hit him that he loves me and always has just got lost and didn't want to lose me I'm going to try to forgive and forget I'm sure it will always be in my mind and will take a while to trust again.

  2. #42
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Quote Originally Posted by Heartbrokengirl32 View Post
    Just wanted to thank you guys again we are working it out and he is coming home when I'm ready i thought it was hopeless getting him back but got great advice from everyone on here .He said it suddenly hit him that he loves me and always has just got lost and didn't want to lose me I'm going to try to forgive and forget I'm sure it will always be in my mind and will take a while to trust again.

    Forgive, but don't ever forget! Trust is earned not freely given and it will take alot of time. I'm happy for you and your family.
    Good Luck!!

  3. #43
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Great news! Remember to make him work for it. If you make this too easy for him it's very likely that he will do this again. Try to make this a "new" relationship and forgive him but never forget.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  4. #44
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    It's stories like these that make me happy to be a part of these forums. I wish you the best of luck in the future and keep us updated from time to time .

  5. #45
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Update just wanted to let you guys know what's going on we decided to take it slow and he stayed at his house then I found out he let her move back in when I found out he told her to leave again he said the only reason she was there was because she was pregnant and he wanted to make sure it was not his well he found out its not his she is 5months pregnant and he has only known her for 3 months and has proof of that well the day she moved back out he asked me to go out to dinner and talk at dinner he said that we should give it a month before he moved back in well the next day I found out he was playing both sides of the fence and gave him the choice me or her well he picked her and she is moving back in.he said he loves me but is not in love with me and I don't understand any of this since I know he does not want any more kids and she is pregnant with a baby that is not his can anyone explain this to me why is he doing this?

  6. #46
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    On a logical level this doesn't make sense. On an emotional level it makes perfect sense.

    I understand exactly what you mean. Doesn't make sense to be with someone whose about to have someone else's kid when he doesn't want any. It's simply the emotions behind the curtains.

    The whole "forbidden fruit" is very tasty indeed. It makes the situation a challenge and everyone likes a good challenge. Especially an emotional one.

    Attraction is one of the most difficult emotions to maintain in a relationship because a big part of attraction, besides challenge, is mystery. We are attracted of the unknown whether we like it or not. In fact I'm a firm believer that full blown, unhindered attraction is UNCOMFORTABLE. It can drive people crazy if there's lots of it. My guess is within a few more months he'll regret his decision. Doesn't mean he'll leave, depending on his pride, but he will likely regret.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #47
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    I get this feeling he still has not made his mind up as to what he wants even thou I made him make a choice and he choose her.Today he was here and I was texting a guy or he thought it was but it wasn't and he stormed out of the house saying i don't give a f*** who you talk too.Well I was mad because its OK for him to be with someone else but not me (even thou I'm not with anyone else). I said some things about him and her that I shouldn't have well after he left he sent me a text saying I was right and why am I putting him down when he is being nice which I didn't think what he said was very nice and why wouldn't he want me to find someone else.I just don't understand any of this anymore its like he is back and forth and I don't know how much more of this I can take.I cant stop talking to him because of the kids and the joint bills he is still paying what should I do?

  8. #48
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Well he's shacking up with some bimbo, that's far from being nice. You probably shouldn't have givin the ultimatum. Ultimatums are always viewed as a hostile threat and are certain to back fire. He's going to regret his position if that girl is around when that baby is born. You should maybe consider dating. It will make him suffer and he deserves it.

  9. #49
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    I do have a new update had to drive him home today because his car is in the shop he had the kids at his house since Friday on the way to his house he said no one was home with them(which is fine because the oldest is 16).I ask where his GF was he said she went home so I said if you wanted to go with her for her family thanksgiving you could have called me I would have picked the kids up.He then replied that she went home and was gone for good and said he cant do this anymore,I asked cant do what? and he said any of this.I didn't asked anymore info ( I just pretended like I didn't care) so maybe that's why he got mad when he thought I was texting a guy that day he could have been going to asked to come back again?. Skicat I'm glad you said that maybe I'm the one who made him take her back by giving the ultimatum. I had to do it I'm not going to get played(It was me or her, not both of us) hope you understand why I gave him the choice.I don't know where its going to go from here but I do know I'm not taking him back unless things really have change this time and he will really need to work for it and prove that its worth the risk I will be taking.


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