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Thread: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

  1. #1
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    This is kinda a long story.my husband of 17 years left me and our 3 kids for a 20y old Stripper who quit stripping for him she is 13 years younger them him and only 5 years older then our oldest daughter.this all happened real fast he knew her for 3 days when I found out and he told me he was not happy didn't love me anymore which was a surprise to me as he did not act like anything was wrong and said he was moving out he stayed here for a month going out until 3 am everynight which was not like him he was always asleep by 10pm every night.then he moved out and she moved in with him the sameday.they have been living together for a month now.this whole time he avoids me and does not stay long when he picks up the kids.I try to talk to him but he won't even look at me.we never really had a bad relationship and I know he still has feeling for me because if I don't text him everyday by noon he texts me so why is he doing this? and anyone know if I have a chance to get him back I love him very much?any advice will be appreciated thanks

  2. #2
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    I know this is a guy site but I really need a guys help on this please I would do anything to have him back home

  3. #3
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Well, the general advice is to go no contact for at least 3 weeks while you get yourself together but since you have kids together that's not going to be possible is it? My suggestion would be to agree with the break-up/divorce and do the usual things that re-spark an exe's interest. Act like your happy, work-out, change your hair style, get new clothes, start dating, etc. People want what they can't have so I wouldn't be suprised if he started to change his tune when "all of the sudden" he couldn't have you. The problem is once you start to rebuild yourself and move on, you might just decide that you don't want his sorry ass back! Go limited contact and act like your just peachy with the whole situation. Go listen to destinys childs "I'm a survivor" a few times until you get your inner warrior back. Keep your head up. Sorry you have to go through this.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  4. #4
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    I know that everything I tell you you will have already heard before, but my parents are divorced, and remarried and on the verge of doing it again, so I know where your at. My mom did the same thing to my stepdad and they were reply on and off for a while and when I finally convinced my stepdad that even of she stayed there would be too much resentment to live with each other and he agreed and signed the papers, and it was that point that my mom decided to move back in. I think thats the best play for you here as well, even though you have kids, it will be better to grow up with split parents than it is to grow up with a parent that can't make up his mind. If I were you, I would tell him your done, work on you and take care of your kids as you would typically do but do it without him, however don't start moving on until the divorce is final if there is one, I know this is the opposite of what most people will tell you to do to get somebody back, which is true, but the problem with that here is that if you do get back toegther after having hooked up with another guy it will just be another barrier to overcome. In my opinion things are different with narratives, I don't know your husband, or you, ski can't tell you exactly what to do, but I would be caecum about how you do that. You also don't want to play the regret card, you want him to regret it on his own, which I'm sure he will do. You sound like a good mom so I know you wouldn't think to involve the kids in it anymore than they already are. Pretty much show your husband your fine and the kids, kill two birds with one stone. Again, I'm not the best person to ask about this, I'm used to picking up girls of guys aha, but I had to give you my two cents cuz I don't like hearing about failed marriages.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    i have a question for you and answer truthfully why would you want someone that did something like that back? don't u have any self respect? y not wanna bash his head in?
    NOTE:-don't say love makes us do silly things or something like that
    -if anyone is able to help u it's me no offense to the other guys so u better be honest.
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  6. #6
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Everyone has been asking me the same question the answer is I do truly and honestly love him.I do believe everyone is intitled to making mistakes and in 17 years this is the first time this has happened .I know the man he really is and he is not his self right now maybe it is midlife crises maybe it's something else either way the love we shared is not something I'm willing to give up on the first time a mistake is made.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    I won't take an easy answer and tell you to move on. You have 3 children together and his behavior is desperately radical. The easy part is getting him back. The hard part is keeping him.

    I'll give you one simple concept that may help you tremendously. It's a bittersweet reality that everyone likes a challenge. The longer the relationships lasts, the more difficult it is to maintain being a challenge. Especially if you have children. Understand that we as humans are natural problem solvers. Otherwise we wouldn't be the most technologically advanced species on the planet. We need constant mental stimulation and yes...even emotional stimulation.

    This is why we no longer spend hours learning to walk like we did as infants. It is automatic for us now and would be silly to constantly tell yourself "Ok left foot first. Now's a good time to use the right one." Our minds are free to tackle tougher issues like careers, bills, and.......relationsh ips. If you have "solved" yourself to your husband, (in 17 years of marriage I'm sure there is very little you DON'T know about each other) then it's time to become his Rubik's Cube again. Do you think, instead, that if you were the one going out til 3am that he would behave the same way? Not suggesting you do. Just making a point. A point that becoming a challenge by being unable to be controlled and showing unpredictable behavior can bring back that spark you had before. Granted you sacrifice any comfort you have (ie: talking about your feelings), but I'm sure you saved up enough comfort points to finally spend them.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Quote Originally Posted by Heartbrokengirl32 View Post
    I know this is a guy site but I really need a guys help on this please I would do anything to have him back home
    The family unit is the most important thing in this world. It's the ultimate goal of all humans. To have and be apart of the family unit. I understand why you want to save yours, 17 years isn't easy to walk away from. Don't be willing to "do anything" to get him back. Work from a position of strength. Stay stronge and keep moving forward. Ignore his text saying you're busy, don't be avalible for him. Ask him to watch the kids because you have a date with a "WONDERFUL" man. It's human nature, we want what we can't have. A little jealously can work in your favor. I read someother good advice here too. Start working out, get a new haircut and some new clothes. Good luck to you. I wish the best for you and your family.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Read all of it:
    wooooooooooow i wish all the girls in the world are as understanding as you. be sure that u are in love with him and not affraid of beeing alone and know this once a cheater always a cheater, will u forgive him the second time? If so that is not love, u are needy and u have low self esteem which is making you cling to the past. Open your eyes was he really happy b4 he left u? He won't even look at you, he's moved on.
    Here is the advice i would normally give but i don't think it will do u any good cuz u're inner game sucks and usually in order to get an ex back u need to be the one in fault if it's the other way around it is VERY hard. I'm doing it cuz you seem like a nice women and u don't deserve to be heartbroken but once again i doubt it will work
    befor we start:
    -This isn't a man's site, this is a seduction site.
    -read and understand this http://www.puaforums.com/game/16095-rb-female-guide-pickup-2.html
    Here goes:
    -u need to do a Freeze Out idk how u'll do it in you situation but do it
    -then u need to dhv urself and dlv him
    -if u start seeing ioi's push and pull him ( but not at every ioi, occasinally)
    -see wher it goes from there and tell me
    P.S: -i'm going to add stuff to the link i posted when i find the time so subscribe to it
    -If u have questions tell me
    -if u don't understand the terms just click on them and u'll get an explanation
    -once again it's better to move on though
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  10. #10
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    To answer the questions of if I am really in love with him it's yes with all my heart and am I afraid to be alone the answer is no I'm a very strong person I will be just fine if he does not come back I have never been and never will be needy.as far as him being happy before he left he never showed that he wasn't everyone that knows us family and friends was shocked that he did this me and the kids have alway been his priority.I understand the dhv but do not understand the dlv can you explain that a little more?and also what is a ioi?my thought on him not looking at me when I talk to him is he can't face what he is doing to me or that he does not want to admit that he still loves me.today I had to take my daughter to his house to get her stuff I stayed outside he came out I saw him take a double look at me I made sure I looked great I also have went from 142lbs to 122lbs in just 2 months do you think the double look he gave me means anything?


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