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  • 1 Post By T-Mal

Thread: Timing for Getting Ex-back... Thoughts

  1. #1
    Jack123abc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Timing for Getting Ex-back... Thoughts

    Hey all,
    Thanks for reading my post and hopefully helping me out.
    Details of my situation are as follows (sorry if it seems blunt just want to lay the facts out):
    1) Met my now ex-girlfriend 9 months ago online (dating website)
    2) Everything was going well, she told me she loved me more than anyone else she's ever met, cried at a restaurant in July when I told her how happy I was to be with her / have met her. Spoke to her everyday via sms, email or phone but only saw each other 3-4 times a week. Everything was going well.
    3) Approximately 6 weeks ago she had a night where she needed her space but rang the next day and told me how she was just feeling flustered (few family issues) and needed some alone time. I was told she could never leave me, very much in love with me.
    4) Throughout relationship felt the love (i.e. her actions showed how much she cared).
    5) Week and a half ago, she told me on Thurs night she was having issues with me not being decisive enough, not exercising as much as I used to and not cleaning up. Discussed it with her and she just wanted me to work on these things.
    6) Friday morning she wakes up and is crying and asks for the weekend alone, still kisses me goodbye as normal etc
    7) Sunday messages me and asks me to come over. Sit down and get told, she doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me. During the whole conversation she couldn't look at me or would not engage me. So left shortly after but was asked to pick up stuff the next day when she was not there.
    8) Picked up things and left her a letter telling her how I felt and trying to get some answers
    9) Reply "I can understand why this is confusing and out of the blue for you. Being unsure about our relationship was not something I could discuss with you, because there was nothing you could fix. I kept convincing myself that everything was fine and that it would work out It was something I needed to work out on my own." Thats the most explanation I got.
    10) I'm a little in the dark as there were really no signs other than 6 weeks ago. The day before I get an unprompted "love you, see you in a few hours" message. Thursday morning we were talking about a planned weekend away etc.
    So thoughts on next actions:
    1) Is it worth fighting to get her back? I'm convinced it is and want to be with her but maybe I'm blinded by my feelings and am missing some obvious signs?
    2) In other peoples experience are you able to get your ex-back and if so, does it get back to what you had / work? What are my chances of getting her back? Obviously this is a case by case answer but others opinions would be good.
    3) As much as it hurts I'm now not contacting her. Since the letter I've left her alone other than returning things by leaving at her home etc. No contact started Friday. She goes away (family holiday) in a week and half time, so should I contact her before or after 2 week trip? Was thinking before so that she thinks about me whilst relaxing on holiday. Thoughts?
    4) I've been getting out and about but not ready to starting seeing other girls because I don't want that spanner in the works it we do figure things out. Thoughts?

    Thanks again

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Timing for Getting Ex-back... Thoughts

    From my OWN personal experience & having someone tell me a few similar things in previous relationships, here's what I saw that jumped out at me when I read it:

    ....she told me on Thurs night she was having issues with me not being decisive enough, not exercising as much as I used to and not cleaning up. Discussed it with her and she just wanted me to work on these things.

    Indecisiveness is one of THE BIGGEST attraction killers.

    Women need a man who is confident enough to make a decision; even if it's something as small & unimportant as "what do you want to do for dinner?"

    If you're not able to make that kind of decision, she's not going to feel secure.... & she'll assume you won't be able to make an important one either.

    Also-
    When a woman says she wants you to "work on" something about yourself / personality / habits.. etc.
    That actually means: "I'm quickly losing interest & you need to do something NOW; because I'm not happy & I won't stay much longer."

    If you're not providing the excitement, comfort, security & happiness she needs, then she will find it somewhere else.

    Again, I say this from personal experience because I learned that the hard way.

    The only option is: Work on yourself to be the best version of "YOU" that you can be. Become a true "Alpha Male". Express confidence & security...

    Don't contact her at all right now.
    At this point, your focus need to be on fixing your trouble areas.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Jack123abc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Timing for Getting Ex-back... Thoughts

    Hi T-Mal,

    Thanks for your reply and feedback.

    I agree with you but was not aware it was an issue (or became an issue) up until that Thursday. Really hard to fix it in one nights sleep. It is something I need to work on though.

    Thanks
    Jack

  4. #4
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    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Timing for Getting Ex-back... Thoughts

    date with another girl first then see if you still want her. I bet you won't
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.


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