So you lost your ex and you think you want her back. Thereís several things weíre gonna discuss here.
First, we will discuss one-itis, what it is and how to tell if you have it. Then we will discuss how to get over the emotional depression youíre facing. Finally weíll talk about the basics of how to get her back.
Part 1 Ė Do I have one-itis?
One-itis is a term we use when you get stuck on someone you canít get over. You start to wonder if sheís the one, if you made a mistake, regardless of the various reasons you broke up. You start to wonder if she was the best girl youíve ever had, if you were an idiot for letting her go, you start to think that the reasons you broke up werenít that bad and these are things you guys could work out, because after all Ė the rest of it was pretty good, right?
I know what one-itis is because Iíve had it, several times, at least 4 times that come to mind off the bat. Thing is? Every time I eventually moved on and found someone I wanted so much more that I realized I was a fool to be stuck on her to begin with.
First things first, you need to be out there hanging out with other girls. You donít have to sleep with them if you donít want to, but you do have to go hang out, flirt, maybe even have a coffee date or two. Without this, youíll never know if sheís really the one. If you hang out with 4 or 5 attractive girls and you still canít stop thinking about your ex, then maybe sheís worth getting back. If you havenít hung out with any attractive girls, then youíre just depressed wondering if you can get anything else. Fact is, you can Ė you just have to man up and learn some self confidence.
Yea, it sucks, youíre with a girl for a year, two years, sheís your life. Now thatís gone. Youíre going to second guess everything thatís happened. Itís normal. If she was your life and you didnít have a lot of people outside of her, itís even harder. You want to progress? You have to hang out with other girls. Period. When you do, youíll either have interest that tells you its time to move on, or youíll really be stuck on her.
(Note Ė if a girl is reading this wondering about one-itis, switch every girl to guy, it works the same).
Part 2 Ė Maybe I donít have one-itis, how do I move on?
OK, first things first, you have to start hanging out with other girls. New girls. Whether or not you are, pretend youíre brand new to the game again. Start brushing up your approaches. Just say hi to 3-5 new people every day. Go out with your friends in social situations. Meet people!
One-itis is an emotional response and it cannot be fixed with logic. You cannot simply get over it by rationalizing this to yourself, because one-itis is irrational. You can only get over it by replacing it with other emotions Ė namely, interest in other people. Meanwhile, distract yourself by being with your friends. Next, start working on your game, build your confidence and inner game back up. Iím not going into this in great detail, Iíll refer you back to the best beginner thread we have (The Newbie Guide)
Part 3 Ė OK I get it, but itís not one-itis, how do I really get her back?
If she left you and doesnít want you back, you canít come crawling back and convince her to be with you again. If you want to approach this it takes some strong steps on your inner game. If you did something stupid, there are times you can acknowledge it and move on like a man. ďI recognize I was jealous, it was irrational and thatís not me, my apologies, but I still want you in my life.Ē
If you really want to approach getting her back, you need to be a stronger person than the boy she left. You need to be confident, you need to control the frame. Donít text her every day, donít send her 5 messages a day, donít beg her to come back with you. If you broke it off, yes you can acknowledge this, again like a man Ė ďI needed my space, but Iíve figured a few things out and Iíd like to hang out again. One day at a time for now.Ē
Again, this comes down to your inner game. If you have no one else you hang out with than her, if youíre not talking to other girls and sheís the only person and you want to see her every second of the day, youíre being beta and supplicating to her, youíre letting her control everything. Donít.
You need more going on in your life, you need more interests. You need to be unavailable to her sometimes. You need to approach this as though you were starting to date someone the first time, but acknowledging you have a history. You need to be a fun interesting person she wants to be with.
You donít get her back by convincing her itís the right thing to do. You get her back by being a cooler person that she now sees as someone valuable enough to hang out with. You do this by being funny, aloof, creating curiosity, by being alpha. You do this by using Push-Pull to make her pursue you and you controlling the frame. All the things we learn game to understand how to do appropriately. These are the things you need to work on and you need to show her you now are.
You want her back? Figure out why she left and become a stronger person.