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Thread: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

  1. #1
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    Hi everyone,

    My long distance girlfriend (3.5 years) broke up with me around 10 days ago. We were great together, just twice we had a few difficult weeks together but nothing too serious.

    The reason why she broke up with me is because she says she doesn't feel anything for me anymore.

    I refuse to believe this because until a year ago she was madly in love with me, and I don't think such emotions can be 100% gone.

    Anyway, after the breakup of course I tried to convince her without really getting too angry at her. Now I know that was already a bad move, but I think the damage is limited.

    In the week after the breakup we still talked on msn daily, but 'as friends'. She really wants to keep contact with me because we were each others first experience in everything and I also think it's special to keep knowing that person.

    The thing is that I want her back so much...

    So during that week after the breakup I was searching and reading incredibly much on the internet and the same first moves always returned: 1) tell her that you accept the breakup, 2) take an NC period and wait for her to contact you.

    So last Saturday that's what I did, I said I accepted the breakup (which actually pleasantly surprised her) and I suggested not to have contact for some time.

    So now actually I'm waiting until she contact me...

    The problem with that now is that next week it's her birthday... and I wondered if I should send her a birthday card?

    If yes, what should I put in it?

    If no, why shouldn't I send one? Alright, it's nc but still, it's her birthday.

    Can anyone help me out with this one?

    And can someone also tell me if I really have to keep waiting for let's say 1.5 month until she contacts me? And what to do next?

    Thank you very much!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard?

    For something like this, I'd say it's OK to send a birthday card.... but don't hint at getting back together.
    Just be fun, polite, friendly & respectful.

    Then avoid contact for a while again, or at least keep it minimal.... & always make sure it's platonic, positive, & confident.

    I sent a birthday card to my ex, even after I decided I was sure I wasn't interested in HER anymore...

    The combination of that & expressing Alpha qualities, actually made her start asking if we made a mistake by splitting up, & should we try to fix things while we still can?...

    I chose not to... but that's a whole different story.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    The Red Baron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard?

    I wouldn't send her more than a happy birthday text

    The idea of NC is to make her think about you and why you aren't contacting her

    If you keep initiating her, she doesn't have to come to you for attention so she won't
    Make her come to you and she will. Make her miss you a bit.
    Also read this - RB - so you want your ex back
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  4. #4
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    thanks for your fast replies!

    So should I simply put "Happy Birthday, my name" on it, or should say something more like "you did the right thing, Happy Birthday, my name"??

    I'm not planning to let anything to be heard of myself besides the card and since I know birthdays are such a special thing to her, it would just be nice.

  5. #5
    Sterling is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    I would just say "Happy Birthday" and that's it. I'm more or less in the same boat as you. Thousands of miles from my ex, and in the middle of NC right now.

    Best thing you can do in this situation is show her you care enough about her to remember her birthday, and don't go anything beyond that. Think of all the people who just write 'happy birthday' on your Facebook wall that you really don't give a sh1t about. Be one of them, at least for now.

  6. #6
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    and can I send a text the day after her birthday to ask if she got the card? Or is this breaking the nc?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    The text is too much, it's you investing in her response to the card

    You can show you care with a card, but confirming receipt is too much. You want to be alpha, unaffected and seemingly unbothered whether or not she talks to you
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  8. #8
    striker12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    Don't send the text. Card is enough!

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    She just sent me a text:
    "Hi, I got the card today Thank you How are you? I'm good I handled my thesis last week, working (she does an internship) is fun, dancing is great "

    I waited around half hour before I sent back:
    "you're welcome I keep busy I have work enough for the project. Today we went to play squash, tomorrow we go to Antwerp for a day, we pool several times a week So I'm really good "
    (I'm Belgian so going to Antwerp for a day isn't hard)

    I should wait again now until she texts me again?
    Because I don't really consider this as the end of nc, she just thanks me for the card and in the meanwihle let's me know how she is and asks how I am.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Should I send a birthdaycard to long distance ex?

    Omg cut the smileys out of your text. Max of 1, - 4??? Very beta

    Glad she text u, but yes wait for her now

    And you should have waited longer to respond. Like 5 hours or a day. Make he wonder if you got it, or what's on your mind
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval




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