First time poster, still learning a lot so bare with me.
I have been with this girl for 3 years, lived together for 2. She has had flirtatious encounters with guys and has always made an attempt to hide them (harmless or the two that weren't so harmless) because she knows how jealous and upset I get.
She cheated on me about a year ago (3 week long 1st base and date type relationship with a classmate), but begged for my forgiveness when I caught her up so I did and we continued to be together.
Fast forward a year, she met up with an ex boyfriend from high school (about 8 years ago) to catch up and discuss his current career as it is the same thing she is trying to do (K-9 handler). Well, the guy during their lunch meetup pulled a "I never stopped loving you and I want nothing more than to just be with you. Call me selfish but I will do anything for you to leave your boyfriend and be with me". I found out about it and she admitted he had since the lunch date been sending her love emails and she has been hiding the messages but not stopping him from sending them, but actually encouraging him because of how intrigued she was.
So for about a month we were back and fourth on our relationship; she would tell me she loves me and this and that and how she wants to work on us, but behind my back tell the ex that she wants to be with him and how she doesn't want to work on us any longer. Last Friday night I found some nude pics of her that she was intending to send to her ex boyfriend. I snapped and yelled at her and called her a slut and a whore and other names and kicked her out of my house.
Ok so a few days later I really started missing her and we were talking and she was like I just need some space, but my dumba$$ decided that I could win her back by telling her how much I love her and how wrong this other dude would be and how I am perfect and how hurt I am by her actions and how I will fight for her and yadayada.. .BIG MISTAKE, cuz then she just says "I don't want you guys to fight for me so I am officially choosing him. I now realize I should never have left him 8 years ago." (She cheated on him just like she has done with every boyfriend she has ever had). I got upset and she said she needed to go to bed.
The next night she video chatted me crying and when I asked whats wrong she said it's cuz the other guy got sent on a dangerous mission in Afghanistan and she is worried about him and she couldn't stop crying all day... and like the tool I am comforted her and told her everything will be alright with him, then went into a spout about how he is a side buster and how he will never love her like me and how I am so hurt. She did not like that and started chewing me out for the things I "didn't do in our relationship" and we just kinda argued about our relationship until she got tired and said she is going to bed.
So the next morning I decided to call her up and and tell her how I hope she is happy with this guy and how I am no longer an option and to have a nice life. She got all defensive and said "You don't understand, I have made up my mind, I KNOW aren't an option, I am glad you can finally let me go". BUT, then said in a calm voice that I will be interviewed in 2-6 weeks from the police department she is applying to and they will want to know how I feel about her and if she would make a good cop. She said "I know you have seen the best and the worst of me and I know how honest you are... so yeah..." I said no problem I look forward to being honest, and then hung up.
Later that night I found something in our house that she had been looking for for like a month, so I sent a pic of it to her and said "look what I found", she instantly gmail video chatted me to my phone and when I answered the video chat the first thing she said was "I am surprised you sent me a text I thought you didn't like me anymore." and then made a frownie face at me. Before I could respond she got a phone call and said hold on cuz it was her mom, and while she walked away to talk to her mom I hung up on the video chat and logged off without saying anything. I went and took a shower and when I got back I had a text saying
Her: "Why did you log off?"
Me: "I had to take a shower, and I am very tired and I could really use a good nights sleep. Goodnight"
Her: ":-( oh ok well if you can't sleep I will be up for a while."
That was 2 nights ago now. I have had NC since, nor has she attempted to contact me.
I want her back, I just can't live without her for whatever reason. I am dying inside sorta speak. Not to mention losing her to a guy who is down to side bust like that is just a kick in the side. I understand that part of her behavior behind my back for the last 3 years is a result of my beta male behavior towards her, I also know I have it in me to change.
I have gotten rid of everything that reminds me of her, every picture, every stuffed animal, every email, message, deleted her from all my contacts.. etc. She is coming in 2 days on Sunday to get the rest of her stuff, she told me during our "Have a nice life convo" we had 2 days ago, and that she will contact me before she comes. I was just gonna make sure her stuff is easy to get out so I won't have to be there when she comes.
The other man is a marine stationed in Afghanistan currently, and won't be back until sometime in December. He is married (but separated or something like that according to her), and has a 4 year old daughter that stays at home with his mom. (Wife or "ex" wife is partying somewhere with no concern for her daughter apparently).
It's funny cuz even though I broke up with her, she turned it around into her leaving me for another man. All I know is I want her back, and will do anything to have her back.
The good news is the other man is gone for more than a month, the bad news is I know she is constantly thinking about him, and while I know she may miss me a tiny bit, she misses this guy a million times more, and even refers to him as "her soldier" on facebook.
So far 2 days of NC, I am going out and having fun, I have even flirted with a female friend on facebook and she admitted she has always liked me but couldn't be with me cuz I was with my ex (she has a bf now and I don't sidebust). I am hitting the gym everyday, and woman hating with my bros at work and out of work.
What's my next step? Any advise on how to get her back? Any thoughts, opinions? Thanks!