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Thread: steps after nc

  1. #11
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: steps after nc

    first I'll reply to 'hyp':

    the reason why she broke up with me was apparantly because she doesn't love me anymore (or at least she says so).
    She called me when she broke up and first said that it's because of several reasons: we don't have enough things in common, i'm not interested enough in their cultural things (especially folkdance is very important for them (Hungarians) and I don't like it the least bit), she's afraid I'll become like my dad later and we'll have a boring life.

    After she broke up with me we still talked on msn daily for a week, where I made some mistakes like trying to convince her to give me another chance, that I'll change (which I really will if she gives me the chance and helps me,... And during one of those conversations she said that besides the other reasons, she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work on the relationship anymore. (she had been trying for a few months on her own to fix it, and she admitted that this was the biggest mistake that she could make, this is why I believe is still have a chance).

    What I really have to make clear is that she certainly isn't a girl who plays games, she's always honest (really).

    I hope this is clear for you and also others :-)

    If anyone can tell me if they can make some conclusions from this thing, then please let me know...

  2. #12
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: steps after nc

    now reply to PHILTHY:

    why she broke up with me is in the previous post

    I decided to tell her that I agreed with the breakup and it pleasantly surprised her. She asked what made me change my mind, and I said that I realised that it has no use to try to make her change her mind and it's better if we don't talk for a while. (the thought behind this from my side is that I hope she also gets some time to think and especially to miss me... although she has some really busy weeks coming up now).

    I also already did quite some thinking and I came to the conclusion that I simply got too comfortable in the relationship, I was too certain that we'd never break up... We were great together and I think I really hit that comfort zone...

    But now I want to undo that once we are over the nc.

    Any tips on how to do that?

    I'm not a really funny guy, although our humour really fit, we still made each other laugh, although of course it wasn't anymore as in the very beginning.

    But after nc, what should I all start talking about and what should I really avoid talking about?

    Any comments or remarks besides it are also very much appreciated :-)

    Edit: What I still forgot to answer is your question how I picked her up.
    Actually I think that's the greatest part about me and her.
    We met on internet, on a music site in June 2010 (we were both 18). We started talking about music and after a few weeks we exchanged emailaddresses. We started talking about all kinds of things and showed interest in one another, and around the middle of July she suddenly said that she was falling in love with me. For me it was a great thing because I was searching for a moment to tell her that same thing... In about 4 months time we both sent more than 1000 mails to each other. After that we started talking on msn. In November, I decided that I couldn't wait until the next summer to meet her so I booked a plane ticket for in February. That is when we first met in real

  3. #13
    hyp
    hyp is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: steps after nc

    that sounds like a pretty lame break up, don't get me wrong but they always come up with atleast 1 valid excuse in there - but having said that, i get that she may've not wanted you to be boring like her dad,

    but would you actually be happy if she knew that you wern't interested in something she loves? I mean sure us guy might not like going shopping for example (lol) but cultural dancing as you said is a big part of the hungarian tradition?

    I'm not saying don't go with her, i'm just saying being with the girl, whilst you're unhappy about certain stuff that she loves i personally don't think is ideal, because then that stays on her mind i've been through that, learned from it and it's not worth the pain and suffering in the long run

    also props to how u guys met, that's pretty awesome (y)

    as for the rest of your questions i'm going to leave it to a more experienced person such as Hopeful, cause i don't want to give wrong/shit info

    all the best !

  4. #14
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: steps after nc

    It's not because I'm not interested in such things that I'm not happy in the relationship. And she knew I didn't like it, just I do realise I could have shown some more interest sometimes. She pretty much blamed me for that, although she said she already forgave me for it (but one thing I know about women is that they forgive, but they do not forget! And it's certainly true for her).

    But as I said in a previous post, I got in the comfort zone and I'm sure I didn't show my appreciation enough anymore for what I had...

    A month or two ago, she joined a folkdance group again and I thought it was great because I knew she really likes it and now she could do that again.
    That I'm not a part of it didn't bother me because I didn't like it anyway, but couples need separate activities as well, I think.

    Anyway, thanks for being interested! Thanks to you I could explain those things as well and I hope it'll help other people to understand my (our) situation better

  5. #15
    Phoenix30 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: steps after nc

    No one who can help me out here anymore with this one?

    any tips how I can make her realise that I won't get too comfortable again in the relationship?

    Or when we start talking again, what topics I should avoid talking about (unless she talks about them) and what topics are good to talk about?

  6. #16
    PHILTHY is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: steps after nc

    Kind of rekindle how you met. Do what you did when you first started meeting. Reintroduce the spark. Don't repeat the past (sorry if I sound like I'm repeating myself) but honestly if you pick up something that interests you and her then talk about that. Don't be the same guy that let the relationship fade.

    There aren't words you can say to convince her that you won't get too comfortable because then it would seem you are trying too hard. Get the girl to chase you. What are her other hobbies and interests that you would enjoy? Master them! What makes her laugh? Master that. Work on yourself and she will come back, if not at least you'll better yourself and be more confident to find a new woman. I've had cases of oneitis and have to realize against my will that if you put all your eggs in one basket it usually never turns out the way you planned.

    Sorry if this didn't help, just from personal experience I've had to go through the same shit. I ended up getting bored and moved on to new women.

    Get some confidence!


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