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  • 1 Post By lets go 23

Thread: Need help with ex - NC may be the issue...

  1. #1
    lets go 23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with ex - NC may be the issue...

    First time here - warning: this post is long but I would appreciate any advice or strategy to move forward. I'm pretty much on my last legs and can't keep up with the mental gymnastics anymore. I have come a long way, i have been hitting the gym - best shape of my life, but i already was in great shape prior, kickin ass at work but this "girl" just lingers in my head on and off.

    Quick rundown:

    • dated for 3 months (pretty intense 3 months - i love yous were exchanged)
    • broken up for almost 3 months now
    • she broke it off - kinda kept me on the hook for about 1 week afterwards
    • shortly after, she wanted to talk about it but I went NC w/o notifying her, which led her to attacking me verbally and playing the victim
    • wanted her stuff back - told me to drop it off at her place. i said no, you can come pick it up - gave her the code to the condo and it was waiting in foyer. most important thing was her house key with other misc items (btw she never came to pick her stuff up).
    • i ended the 3 day text message assault by her by me saying "the trust has been broken, just tell me when you want to pick your stuff up". she didn't take that well...
    • went into nc since...about 45-50 days.
    • A big no-no but i went on a good span of not checking social media but then i would check it once in a while because friends would post stuff for me to read. she would pop up on my timeline - breakup songs, lyrics, such and such (i should have deleted her but i never did...)


    And now the juicy stuff...

    Over labor day weekend (during my NC), my friends and i went to a pretty popular club to see a pretty big dj play in town and as i walk in, around midnight, i see her with a another guy at the bar. i did not make eye contact with her and i just went on to having a great night. we were in another section of the place, so i really never saw her unless i was going to the bathroom, which i did once. anyways, i get a text around 2:30 am from her, btw, im still there, saying “save me? no?”. i didnt respond because, wtf did that even mean? and she broke NC. then, i get home and around 4:30 am, she calls me. i didnt pick up because what could she want to say to me when she is drunk? she didnt leave a message. i never broke NC since then.

    Now, I read up on using various methods, and I came out of NC. The following is what has transpired since (any gaps in between days I didn't contact):

    [9/14]: “hey i saw a vase full of black eye susans last night. they reminded me of you and it made me smile. hope you are doing great.” her and her moms favorite flowers…

    Her: “where was it?”

    Me: “walking by a restaurant downtown. nice hearing from you. have a great night.”

    Her: “nice. i am getting that tattoo soon. good to hear from you too! maybe i will see you around.” (when we were together, she always told me she wanted a tattoo of it. that was it from me for the day and wkd.)

    [9/17] me: “hey. i was making eggs and toast this morning and it reminded me of when i used to make breakfast for you and [her roommate/bff]. and i know how much she means to you. hope you are not too sad and had a great weekend.” (saw she was leaving (saw it on facebook, i am friends with her – she is leaving the country for work abroad and i sent her a message on Saturday wishing her the best – and she responded very positivity)

    no response from her.

    [9/20] me – “hey. im taking a risk here, sticking my neck out…i had to cut off contact. i didnt know what else to do when the second girl i’ve ever fell in love with didnt want anything to do with me anymore. i truly wanted to provide you with what you never had. i just want you to know that. hope you are having a great night.

    [9/21] her – (next morning) “sorry, generally when people cut me out of their lives i dont just let them change their minds randomly.”

    [9/21] me – (few hours later) “like i said, i took a risk reaching out to you not knowing how you feel or what your situation is. my mind never changed. have a good weekend.”

    [9/21] so i was out with friends and saw my ex last night when walking around downtown where all the bars/clubs are. She was with a girlfriend and a dude. We were walking in opposite directions, same sidewalk. saw her from a distance and I made eye contact when we got closer and same with her. she covered her face as we passed each other. I just resumed talking to my friend. btw i was looking good, per usual

    she tweeted these also:

    [9/23] “Being able to look forward to snuggling with a guy is so refreshing. Though I would prefer it be a puppy waiting to snuggle…”

    [9/24]: “my current is so much more attractive than my ex, which is a marker of a job well done.” (she deleted this one probably within an hour from posting)

    [10/10] Her (10pm): “can me and [her roommate’s name] use your shower”

    [10/10] Me (10:45ish pm): “sorry, have company over. let me know if you are still in a bind.” (note: i had some friends over watching pre-season basketball games on tv).

    and i wake up the next morning (6am) to another text…

    her (she sent it at 1 am): “[name of former roommate whom she kicked out] left me in a bind.”

    [10/11] me (7:30 pm): “sorry to hear that…hope things get better.”

    nothing from her.

    [10/13] me (9:15pm): “remember this night? i just found a dropped pin in my phone at [place]…glad that you were safe and your affectionate words that night meant alot.” (her and her two friends were drunk and had no idea where they were in the city – this was the night she first said she loved me)

    [10/13] her (9:45pm): “lol shenanigans”

    [10/13] me (12:15am): “just glad i was able to help you. btw i just had the most amazing coconut cream pie dessert …thought of you and had an extra piece. hope you are having a good night.”

    nothing from her.

    i sent her flowers on tuesday [10/16]…I basically sent flowers to her anonymously (i already was at the florist picking up some stuff and saw a bouquet she would like – when we were together, i would usually get her flowers every so often) and she called me (i didn’t pick up) and she texted me a minute later “thank you”. i replied: ‘saw them and thought you would like them’. that was it since then…

    my ex texts me on thursday [10/18] night:

    her 6:20 pm – " are you going to [name of club] tonight?

    me 7:20 pm – “if i can get out of work at decent hour”

    her 8:30 pm – “i was just curious. have a good night!”

    I went with friends, she was there. I saw her from distance but never made eye contact as her back was turned as she was talking to her roommate however her roommate definitely saw me…

    and this happened – i had a ordered a custom made bracelet made with he initials on it when we were still together a few months ago. it finally was ready a few days ago and well i decided to send it to her…what else am i supposed to do with it – i cant return it, dont want to hold on to it, and i cant give it to anyone else (her initials were engraved on it). at the time, my plan was to give it to her on our 6 month but that really didnt work out…which by the way, would of been earlier this month. it was meant for her so fark it, i sent it to her - anonymously.
    :
    This was on Friday (10/26). The next day, Saturday, I called her around 7:30pm just To make sure she got it cause it was expensive and it meant a lot. She didn’t pick up but a few moments after she texted me: “what up”.

    I then texted her this:

    “Hey… just tried calling. I hope you got the package I sent. I had it custom made and ordered it when I got your earrings for your birthday. The plan was to give it to you on our 6 month. I totally forgot about it and they have been waiting to ship it. It was meant to be yours originally so i hope that you can accept it. I hope you like it and will wear it. Be safe and have a great night.”

    Side note: she posted a picture of the bracelet on twitter between some time prior me calling her. The caption to the picture was:

    “I must be the only SUPER single person on earth that gets anonymous presents from someone that I don’t even know that I am dating yet. Best stalker/future boyfriend ever!” I saw this after i called her.

    And then, I started to fall apart throughout the night…(was out and about drinking…got the best of me, fail)

    Here is the timeline:

    10:30 pm – “do you like it”

    11:20 pm – “Ok. Maybe a sliver of a Sign of appreciation would be nice. I’d at least expect that from a girl that once truly ‘loved me’.”

    Her (11:45pm) – “Oh I’m sorry I thought you cut me out of your life?”

    Me (12:10am) – “What did you want me to Do? I did everything I could to make you happy and you left me. Everything I did is because I wanted to. I was Pretty hurt. I don’t know why you are so bitter. I treated you so well and hope you realize that I really cared About you.”

    And one more insult to injury:

    Me (1:30 am) – “so my question is do you like it”

    So thats it. Nothing from her since then, and I have gone back into NC. But As of this moment, i would like any insight or advice on how to proceed. One side of me wants to wait it out the other just wants to break her and leave her with something that will hit hard at home, psychologically. maybe just a "fark it" last email or text or something. I just am getting really tired of this. would love outsider opinions. thanks a lot guys.

  2. #2
    lets go 23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with ex - NC may be the issue...

    sorry if its long...but anyone? thanks!

  3. #3
    hyp
    hyp is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with ex - NC may be the issue...

    i'm at work so i'll give it a read, be patient pls
    --
    (i should have deleted her but i never did...)

    deleting someone off facebook is a childs solution, u can keep them there and have no issues, be a man about it not a kid

    " i get a text around 2:30 am from her, btw, im still there, saying “save me? no?”. i didnt respond because, wtf did that even mean? "

    you don't save her, that's what friends are for ---by this she means a guy was hitting on her at the club
    and she didnt want him


    you said that trust was broken initially, props to Cody for getting this into my head, if you can't trust her why do you want to be with her? at the very least you could "welcome" her back to your life under your terms

    [9/20] me – “hey. im taking a risk here, sticking my neck out…i had to cut off contact. i didnt know what else to do when the second girl i’ve ever fell in love with didnt want anything to do with me anymore. i truly wanted to provide you with what you never had. i just want you to know that. hope you are having a great night.

    among with other transcripts you're conveying alot of neediness, by always hoping she's having a good night and such, nut that sh1t out

    [10/10] Her (10pm): “can me and [her roommate’s name] use your shower”
    no.

    you're remembering alot of stuff about how things were good between u two? she should be the one remembering this and telling you

    i had a ordered a custom made bracelet
    ebay?


    10:30 pm – “do you like it”
    11:20 pm – “Ok. Maybe a sliver of a Sign of appreciation would be nice. I’d at least expect that from a girl that once truly ‘loved me’.”


    from what i've seen only the needy/desperate double text, don't do it


    how old are you? atleast 18, but you don't appear to be 50+?
    there are ALOT of women that are single out there, if you go back to her, all these issues + the reason why you two broke up
    will definitely come back, i'm guilty of this because i've gone back and ended up with a doublewhammy. As for talking about
    feelings over the phone/text, i personally think it's a load of bullsh!t and should be done in person so you can see exactly
    how she feels

    drop her,
    learn from your mistakes <--must,
    and meet another woman who will make you feel happy if that's what you're after

    **if you decide to let her back into your life make sure it's under your conditions and if she slips up, she is not worthy of being in your life
    Last edited by hyp; 11-01-2012 at 09:57 PM. Reason: broken down


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