I'm posting here just to help myself on getting her back, and sticking to a plan, which I still don't have.
Sorry for the long post.... I just have to supply lots of details, as it is a complex situation. You can jump a few paragraphs down for the end of the story.
Actually she wasn't my girlfriend, we never used that word because we only went out on a few dates during the last two months (restaurant, movies, other stuff together, kissed, make out, but no fclose).
I'm 27 and she is 26. This was the first girl I really got interested on (LTR kind of girl), in my whole life. I've had very few experiences with girls before (never had a girlfriend, only one night stands), I'm really shy and not the outgoing clubbing kind of guy, so I don't create to many opportunities to meet girls.
The thing is that we study together since the beggining of the year (law school). So we still have 4 years ahead in the same class and she thinks that this "romantic" relationship could go wrong and mess up our "school" relationship, because we are circled by the same group of people and almost every month do a social meeting (food, poker, games, whatever), and she values that a lot.
Since the beggining I played it wrong (according to the PUA principles), not being alpha.
Before we started dating, I let her know that I didn't have any girlfriends before and was inexperienced on serious relationships.
I told her that because I was really interested in her as a LTR, so I thought I should be transparent in all aspects, as if it was an excuse for any mistakes I could make while with her. Also told her that I'm shy/introvert (but she probably already knew that).
Besides that I have a few good qualities, I'm good looking, one of the best in class, nice job, car, traveled a lot, it's my second degree (i'm engineer) but I try to be humble about all that stuff, don't use that as a tool to get people to like me.
Even with those warnings (inexperienced, introvert, shy guy), I invited her out during July vacation, as friends, for a sushi (while she was seeing someone else, if that was truth). We just talked, poor eye contact, poor body language as expected. Luckly no blanks during the conversation. And planned not going for a kiss, I didn't want to push myself, the goal was having a conversation, like friends, and also respecting "the other guy she was seeing".
So after that we exchanged a few texts, and August came, classes started again. My car was on repair shop, people at school offered me a ride home, and she also offered, but she lives in the opposite direction of the city, I accepted her ride...lol At this moment I realized she was really interested on me. She droped me, and I didn't go for a kiss, and I felt she was expecting that but due to the shynees I failed.
The next day, I asked her for a ride again (I think here I was being alpha, making her take me home, deviating her route to her house). This night I took the courage and kissed her. We talked more about ourselves, she said she was just getting out of this other relationship, we could try something, but had to take it slow, and not showing like boy/girlfriend while in class.
From that night on we kept exchanging texts, went out on a few more dates. And being inexperienced, as I predicted, I failed a few times. Like when we went to the movies, she was the first to hold my hand (although, she was holding her popcorn for the first 30 minutes of the movie). And I just kissed her at the end of the movie. The other day she said she was expecting that early.
I told that I was going to work more on that and be more affectious. But I still failed a few more time, although I felt I was evolving in that area.
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Like our last "date", we went out with a few friends (some didn't know we were together), drinking beer, I pulled her chair closely, put my arms around her, kissed her in public for the first time. The mistake was at the end of the night. Alcohol doesn't make me more outgoing, my shyness is really strong. She was giving a ride to another friend, and I was going to kiss her goodbye, and I went for a kiss on the cheek.
At the moment she didn't say anything but 5 minutes later she texted me she didn't believe I only kissed her on the cheek. I texted that I was heading to her housing (which I really was, as a surprise), while she was dropping her friend, and wanted to stay with her a little more, that the night wasn't over, that's why I didn't kiss her on the lips. She said things doesn't work that way, it was too late, and asked me to don't meet her at her house. I respected that, we didn't meet.
But we kept texting, she said our personality doesn't match. We discussed a little more but I never said sorry for anything (trying to apply PUA concepts here), just said I was evolving on the affection thing, doing my best, and that was the only thing I could offer, I tryed to make a joke to ligthen things (huge mistake, she got more angry) and in the end she texted we shouldn't see each other anymore, that it was good I took that with good humor, and it was nice while it lasted.
At that point I didn't reply anymore (knew she was a little drunk, me too). So I just kept thinking, I knew that a beta would beg, and say I'm sorry, and cry, and ask for a second chance, and do all that weak stuff. I've seen that before and was learning here at the forum.
I realized that only acting as an alpha I could save that situation and start fresh as an alpha. What would an alpha do??? Don't know for sure. So the next morning I replyed her (translating from portuguese):
"I've put myself in your place [experienced girl], and understood your decision, that you were looking for someone more mature from the emotional and affectious perspective. It was nice for me too, while it lasted. Just don't want this to end in a subit and inpersonal manner, trough SMS. We should meet for a last time".
She just replyed: "All right..."
So the next night we meet, I started with "So you think we don't match". I said I respect her decision (implying that I wouldn't push things). Then she start talking, say sorry for the words she used last night, that she likes me but didn't want to hurt me, because she can loose her patience and be very bitchy about any mistakes I could make in the future. That she thinks it isn't the right moment for us, she want us to still be friends, and still do things together (those social meetings we do with people in our class).
I only agreed to everything, didn't say sorry or asked for second chance. In the end we kissed one last time, said that I didn't stop liking her, and then left.
Just one last important detail... during the last weeks I bought a ticket for a Norah Jones concert (December, 15), and it was a surprise, I never said that to her.
So after our last talk, when I got home, I texted her: "Forgot to say one last thing. Remember I told you I was going to Norah Jones concert at the end of the year? It is going to be on December 15, saturday. It happens that a few weeks ago I also bought you a ticket."
It was tuesday night (October, 30) when we last talked and I sent that message. She never replyed, and I didn't send her any more messages neither talked to her at school (our class is very big, almost 80 students, and I seat far away from her).
So here I am.
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She said she doesn't want to hurt me. But I don't care, because while not being with her I'm already hurt. So I'd like to take the chance and try one more time.
I still like her a lot... want her back but don't know if I have the right plan (didn't read anything about it on the forum yet). My idea is to make no contact at all during the next whole month, live life as if she didn't exist. What's going to help is that I have a lot of school exams coming and also one exam for a begginer law carreer in the government which I'm studying hard, and will be on December, 2.
My plan is.... after one month (we will be on vacation from school), if she don't contact me, I'll contact her and ask her out for the Norah Jones concert. Which she alredy know about, and if she is interested in me, she won't make any plans for that day, and will accept my re-invitation.
Meanwhile I will try to improve my inner game and social skills, really hard. Asked my sister to teach me how to dance country music (this girl likes it a lot), I'm training eye contact/smiling everyday with everyone I come across, I'm trying to talk more to people (girl of the library, cafeteria employees, etc), talking louder, among other stuff I realize I may benefit improving.
So, any insights and tips are welcome to help me get her back.