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Thread: Friendzoned by ex

  1. #1
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    I am in a situation with a girl I dated "officially" for 6 months starting 2 years ago. I broke up with her over a fued she started with my brother's ex gf... but that's another story. After the break up we were seeing each other regularly, having sex and going out for another year. Then around summer of 2012 she started talking more about this guy friend she had met on fb just before we started dating. She began to always talk about him when we were out... "ohh he reminds me so much of you." "ohhh he rides a motorcycle", "ohh blah this and that". At first I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I didnt care if she has guy friends, but then I began to notice this was different.

    Recently (after she ignored me asking her on a date) she asked me if it would be okay if she dated someone else. She said that maybe the timing wasnt right for us(I was a workaholic and when we broke up I told her I wanted to focus on my career, which I really did) and if it ever is in the future, maybe we'll get back together.
    I expressed to her that she should do what ever makes her happy. I told her that I have a friend who I would actually be interested in dating too. This raised a few eye brows on her. lol and she proceeded to pry for info which I was careful not to give out to much. The main point is we did so much together as any BF/GF for 1.5 yrs. I was annoyed over all the time that was apparently just a string along. I made it clear to her that it would be time to move on if thats what she wants to do.

    Honestly I'm fine either way, but I feel like we should move on entirely, no more contact...if she wants to date this other guy.


    The issue is I think she has turned me into a guy friend and keeps texting me, not as much as she use to, its been a gradual decline in communication, but still is frequent.

    Since reading on her fb page a month ago all these posts about this guy, I have decided to completely act differently towards her. I now NEVER initiate contact and I'm short with my texts. She initiates by text usually once or more a week and she still acts flirty with me at times like she wants to be a part of my life.
    I begin to get my hopes up over this and think maybe theres a chance we get back together, then I go look at her FB page and see all the lovey dovey and sexual posts about her new BF. WHAT??



    I want to point out two recent messages that may still suggest her interest.
    (The back story on the first one is my oldest bro has two kids and an ex wife and she's had a new bf for a couple years, yet my bro and them are all really close friends still. IE they live in a house he bought!) So my ex initiated the convo the night before by apologizing for forgetting about wishing me a happy bday which was a week before(and she never forgets dates btw). Then we got off to talking ab other stuff until I didnt recieve a return text. The next day she said - "Sorry. I fell asleep! Lol and I wonder if they'll ever just get back together for Pete's sake. He obviously still cares about her, it cant be easy seeing her with another guy."

    During the next couple weeks there was some continual scattered text all initiated by her, basically seeing what I was up to. Then a few days later she initiated asking about my other bro's ex ( the one we broke up over). We talked briefly then I asked - "So hows the dating game going for you?"
    No reply to that at all. Lol 2 days later she text me randomly, "Halloween is tomorrow!"


    I sense there is something still there, but there is also something stuck between us(that guy). I am not sure how to act upon this. I would like to try and get back with her if the relationship is salvageable.

    On the flip side we havent seen each other in months and I asked her out a few weeks ago which she ignored. I would like to move on if things arent going to work out between us. If I decide to go this route and move on with another girl, I would not be comfortable talking to her anymore... its very confusing for the both of us. What should I do just stop replying to all of her texts? That just seems sh1tty to me. I feel like I need to tell her, which I have before.

    Thanks and sorry for the long post.

  2. #2
    GoatMcGoaterson is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    Quote Originally Posted by acepace View Post


    Honestly I'm fine either way, but I feel like we should move on entirely, no more contact...


    T
    That's the best attitude to have right now! It helped me a lot. You just have to be very strong and NOT look at ANYTHING related to her. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her, store it somewhere, throw it out, whatever you need to do. And most of all, don't worry about what she thinks of you. I know how hard that sounds but if you CAN do it you're better off than most guys in your situation.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    I see no problem in some kind of last speech.

    Tell her how you really feel then walk away. Just make sure you say it in a way that you don't expect her to respond. Don't try to convince her of anything. Simply state your expectations and standards. If she does not meet them then she doesn't get to enjoy your attention and affection in any way. It's all or nothing. If she thinks you're being selfish then tell her "Damn right I'm being selfish. Because I know what I deserve."
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    A few days ago she text me randomly, "Dreamed you got married lol". Then another one today in reference to the elections, "4 more years ". Would these be indications of anything other than friendzone or why does she keep checking in?
    I have not replied to either texts. I decided starting a week ago that Freezing Her Out and dropping contact would be best for moving on if thats what I should do here. I dont want to be anybody's plan B and this has strung along enough.

    I'm not a jealous person so I feel maybe I should talk to her one last time and wish her luck with the new dude, Im tempted to feed her a bf destroyer line as well just for kicks. There is a part of me that doesnt want to burn bridges. When they do break up Id like to be able to get a good fark out of her. For a while we had a bitchin fwb relationship going on.

    I would like to hear more of what you guys still think is the best way to handle this. My gut feeling tends to lean towards going no contact but for how long? It's hard to resist when she keeps texting.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    Like I said before. I don't see anything wrong with a farewell speech. If you choose NC then it has to be for at least 3 weeks.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Like I said before. I don't see anything wrong with a farewell speech. If you choose NC then it has to be for at least 3 weeks.
    I've chosen no contact whether it was the right move or not idk... 2 wks so far. I figured doing this will push the bounderies. If shes still interested she will have to win me back otherwise I'm going on and plan to stick around here for a while to totally pester you guys until I become PUA material. :P then maybe I'll be able to pass along some advice to others here one day.

  7. #7
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    The more time that passes the more I think about her. I know given enough time and meeting other women will eventually help with moving on, but I'm stuck in that inbetween stage and cant help but thinking there is a better way to handle this.

    She obviously still thinks about me. It's been 15 days since I last talked to her, today she sent a text asking how its going.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    You can't speed this up. You are grieving and that's a process. Accept this and whatever emotions you feel. Only thing you have to worry about is controlling your actions and to not think that you are above your emotions right now.
    The 3 weeks of no contact is for you. It's perfectly fine if she contacts you within those 3 weeks. Now that she has contacted you, the next step can begin. And in a nutshell.....you have to show her that you are fine without her. The best revenge is to live happy.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  9. #9
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    You can't speed this up. You are grieving and that's a process. Accept this and whatever emotions you feel. Only thing you have to worry about is controlling your actions and to not think that you are above your emotions right now.
    The 3 weeks of no contact is for you. It's perfectly fine if she contacts you within those 3 weeks. Now that she has contacted you, the next step can begin. And in a nutshell.....you have to show her that you are fine without her. The best revenge is to live happy.
    I was going to respond to her text with something simple, "Everythings great! U?".

    I would like to get back with her, but only if she proves to me that she can be faithful again. Now you do think its time I reply to her texts or should I finish out the three week vacation?

  10. #10
    acepace is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friendzoned by ex

    Also theres something I've been itching to point out (first just have to say I rarely use fb and quite frankly dont care about it in the least.). She still has not ever posted a pic of this other dude and her together. Furthermore for a guy that she "met on fb", there is nobody on her friends list under that name and description. A strange post she made last time I was on there before blocking her said "Ohh been thinking ab my future sister inlaw even though she probably doesnt even know I exist yet.".

    She still has a picture of a gift I made her 1.5 yrs ago set as her cover photo. I dont know if this indicates interest still or is just a trophy of having dated me.

    WTF. Is it normal that I feel mind farked confused over this? I mean damn, she was clingy when we dated but not this weird. For some crazy reason I love her though. Although I cant resist the thought that moving on totally is the healthy thing to do. IDK probably wld give it one last try but dont want to waste too much time.


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