I got the itis but at least I can admit it.
We are both same age 26
I've already banged this other chick and got another chicks number but they dont entice me like the oneitis.
I have been in other LTR
relationships b4 but this was the best I've had(typical lol). she made a copy of keys for her place and wanted me to move in but it didnt make sense bc it made my commute to school longer but I would still stay over there 3-4 times a week if not more.
we connected on many levels as her father died in 9/11(she was 15 at the time) and my mother died of cancer(I was 19) so we shared that pain. this is the only girl I've met that ever reminded me of my mother who was extremely generous and giving and I could see myself being with her for the long haul, although I never told her any of that until after we broke. when we were together I told her I didnt believe in marriage lol.
I went out with my ex for a little over 1 year then she broke up with me. we hardly ever fought, except for when I wanted/demanded sex at night and she was too tired, we were on different schedules I was going to bed at 4am and she would fall asleep by 12 midnight. Sex was good other than that during the day we would have sex, shower together often n have sex, but at night she would be exhausted. I threatened/walked out of her apt once or twice bc she didnt want sex, so it got to a point where she would wake up to have sex with me just to appease me, which made it less fun for both of us I see that now. when she fell asleep sometimes I would jerk off in the other room b4 goin to bed and didnt tell her about that til after we broke.
right b4 we broke up I got lazy and started neglecting her a little bit, promised I would go over her apt and hang out n didnt etc. she had just became a nurse and went on a week long trip to help ppl overseas to a 3rd world country to get experience doing things legally she could not do here yet. when she came back she had gotten a fungal infection in her mouth (tongue was all white) and we could not make out or have sex. a week later we were supposta visit my sister on the weekend together but she had just gotten a new nursing job and could not take the time off, so I had a choice either visit my sister(who lives 8 hrs driving) with my gf for 1.5 days or go with my father and stay 4 days. I opted not to take the gf since it was a 8hr drive. while I was at my sisters' I forgot to call her on father's day which was important to her and she was always there for me with my mom. the next day me n my dad drive home, she meets me at my home with a pizza , after we eat she says I think we need a break. at this point, being a AFC
, I flipped out grabbed some of her stuff and threw her out of my house and told her get out of my life.
the next day I felt bad apologized and found out she was sick so I brought her some soup but it was way too soon and there was tension so I left right after. a couple days later I said I agree with the break but we need to set up some rules 1st, I didnt want it to be like ross and rachel from friends lol. but saying that we need rules must have pissed her off bc she responded with I think we should go separate ways.
I started reading the book "Reverse Your Breakup -- How To Get Your Ex Back". I started NC at that point but like a fool I broke it a week later to pick up my stuff at her place and talked with her for 45 mins. here is when I got super insecure and AFC mode kicked in. I had her email and facebook pw and looked around to see if she was cheating or seeing someone else. she wasn't but my insecurities made me suspicious.
I had text files of what I was feeling/wanted to say to her, took screenshots of her facebook convos with other ppl, even took the
breakup book and saved them on all dropbox but forgot that I was still logged in on her computer with the pw saved XD. so she seen
everything. at this point I get a text from her saying pick up ur phone I dont give a sh1t about NC and what is says in ur book. I
answered her phone call and apologized saying I got insecure and wanted to know if everything was real, but I knew it was real bc I
felt it. we talked for a good 45mins and didnt argue.
the next day I was leaving on vacation for 3 weeks and b4 I left she texted me be safe and have fun. while on vacation I hooked up with a random girl too. I didnt contact her until she contacted me for my bday and we started talking, she wanted me to get her a red string bracelet( its a good luck charm) and I told her only if she agreed to get lunch with me when I got back. so we have lunch it went well had her laughing and kept it light. a week later we went out again (she wore the jewelry I gave her for our anniversary) she mentioned that my ex-ex-gf didnt waste any time (bc when I changed my fb status to single my ex-ex said good now we can hang out again lol) I was negging her and it was going good until I unraveled and started talking about my feelings I told her I missed her the break taught me stuff blah blah. she told me she was confused, needed more time and couldn't give me the 100% I needed for a relationship. I told her she left me no choice but to move on and told her gl finding what ur looking for. after I left she sent me a long text saying she's not ready now but hopefully we can want the same thing in the future.
I went NC for 7 weeks until 9/11 and I sent her a nice short msg on fb saying I know its hard but stay strong and make ur dad proud. that day she called me I didnt answer then I called her and she didnt answer. the next day she texted me asking to goto dinner I agreed. at dinner she wore the jewelry I gave her for our anniversary and told me this song playing reminded her of me (CHRISTINA PERRI - I have loved you for A 1000 Years ) it went well we kept it light and at the end of the date walking to her car she asked me why I agreed to dinner I told her why not? she got into her car started crying and left.
we talked here and there then arranged another lunch. again it went well we kept it light and that song came on again she made
mention of it. afterward we went to this quiet spot on the docks and hung out more. I didnt really Kino
at all like a idiot. I drop her off and the song comes on the radio again lol. after she texted me saying are you ok? I told her I am awesome why wouldn't I be, she replied calling me a liar.
days later I get a text at like 3 am saying im sry I gave up on us im sry I didnt give us a better chance I hope u can forgive me ill love u no matter where life takes us. so I called her after seeing this text and I said I was thinking about things and feeling the same. I told her I wanted to see her but didnt want to drive all the way to her bc it was late.
a week later we finally hang out again n watch tv at her mom's house. while on the couch I didnt kino at all and tried to awkwardly kiss her. she turned away and said no kissing. I tried my best to keep my composure and we talked more then I left.
couple days later we went to dinner kept it short and parted ways, I was drinking at dinner and then I called her up after and said I
miss u and I know u miss me so let's do whatever it takes to make this work. she said I can't give u what u want I dont have time and im not sure what I want. I told her if u cared u would make time and accused her of stringing me along she said it wasn't her intention.
I deleted her off fb and then got texts from her saying "are u serious" but I didnt answer. days later I gathered the rest of her stuff that was at my house and texted her ill leave it outside for u to pick up or a friend can come get it. she then asked if we can talk, I replied with "sup", she said in person I agreed and she told me her schedule. We met up and she said that she thinks she was using our relationship as a crutch I gave her the rest of her stuff she cried after she found one of the old notes that she wrote for me that we used to hide on each other that was still in there. I also had bought stuff for her mother while on vacation and gave her that too with a note written for her mom that said thanks for everything.
NC again but 2 weeks later hurricane sandy came around and she texted me "I hope everything is ok on ur end :/ " I didnt respond
4 days later she texted me 3 times asking again can you at least tell me how u and ur family are doing I am worried. and I replied with we are all doin well. thats the last we spoke. her bday is coming up and I am still not sure if I am goin to say hbd.
I know she is prob just keeping me around as a backup plan, but I still have feelings for her. I could use some input and i know to FTOW but i want something more in-depth