I'm looking for feedback on how I am handling my situation breaking up. Not exactly looking for feedback on how I should go about getting her back, or how I can go about getting over her (I have the resources to do both of these), but some thoughts on how high on the AFC scale my actions are, and maybe what some of you would have done differently to be more alpha.
Broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. We had a pretty good relationship, but I realized after a while that I didn't really deeply love her, so I broke up with her. I was not aware of the "no contact rule" so every now and then we would text. One night she texted me about how she had just gotten dropped off from a date. Said it was very very weird (turned out it was, but I won't go in to detail). I interpreted it as her expressing to me that she misses the dates that I took her on. I almost proposed a meetup, but decided it might not be a good idea.
One week though I saw her at church in a sexy new dress, new shoes and totally ignoring me which lit a fire of jealousy under my arse like I have never before experienced. Clearly I wasn't as over her as I thought. That night I looked up advice and decided to delete her and all her family members from my Facebook. I deleted all her texts to me too. I felt a cocktail of crazy emotions. I asked myself What if I am going too far and hurting her by unfriending her on facebook! Not one minute passed where I wasn't thinking about her
This combination of jealousy, guilt, and suspense led me to text her the next day.
Me; Help! Despite all of my efforts to keep [won't say her name] out of my mind, she just keeps barging back in. It's driving me crazy. Any advice?
Me; Oops wrong person. (I loved sending her "accidental" texts like this, and I think she picked up on it)
Her; That, my friend, is what the psychology community would call a "freudian slip".
She texted me back pretty darn quickly so It relieved a little bit of my tension, but a few hours later I gave in to the pressure and texted her with this;
Me; I need you to make this easier for me and tell me that we're never getting back together as a couple. (obviously in selfish hopes that she would oppose this and confess her desire to come back to me)
Her; (picture of Taylor Swift and link to her "we are never ever ever, getting back together!" song) Sorry I just couldn't resist!
Me; Thanks. Good to know that this is a joke to you.
Her; Ok. It's not a joke to me, but it's the first thing that came to mind and it gets the message across pretty well!
So I went for a 4 mile run, cursing her the whole way. After I got home and cooled down, and saw this text
Her; something you should know about me; I hate Taylor Swift! Maybe i shouldn't have humped (typo, she meant to say jumped) right to it like that though.
Me; Something you should know about me; sometimes I let emotions get the best of me and I say and do things I later regret.
At that time I had a goal to approach and talk to two different women each day, which I was meeting by talking to girls on campus and at walmart. 1 day after this text convo I was at Walmart flirting and talking to different girls and I felt like I was doing things right, getting lots of ioi's. I felt like I was the MAN. I had made up my mind that missing her wasn't going to interfere with my happiness and I was having a hell of a day when she texted me again. She said sorry for saying "hump" in her last text she meant "jump" and was embarassed.
I was happy that she texted me, and mad at the same time that she still had the power to send that emotional shock through me. I was in a mood to say whatever was on my mind, so I texted
Me; Thank heavens! I was beginning to think "what a perverted young lady". Or maybe it was just a... freudian slip? (if you don't know what a freudian slip is, it's just a moment when your mental "filter" shuts off and you say exactly what is on your subconscious mind. An example would be calling your girlfriend by your ex girlfriend's name)
I sent it in a playful, teasing mood. But she didn't respond, and upon reading it over again an hour later I psyched myself out and felt like maybe she interpreted it as mean sarcasm. There goes another jolt of emotion through my chest! So I tried to fix it
Me; upon reading my last text I realize it could be interpreted as bitter sarcasm, but it's not! I'm not mad or anything.
Her; Haha I was wondering, but I didn't think it went THAT far. Sometimes I can get a little feisty too.
I refrained from contact from that point on. A few days later, I saw her in her car on the way to school. I held her gaze for a second and even threw a dumb wave at her. She just looked away and didn't wave back. Another jolt of electricity went through my chest as I wondered what in the world it meant for her to do that. That night I had the HUGEST urge to call her and confess to her how much I miss her and want to include her in my life again. But I resisted and slept on it, and the next morning those intense feelings were gone.
I still feel like maybe someday we will get back together, but the thought of NOT getting back together doesn't sting as much anymore. I got back into my high school passion of drawing and artwork, and I haven't had contact with her. My plan is to hold off on her completely and let her contact me next in the future if she is so inclined.