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  1. #1
    HankMoody is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default True love, though not crush

    Hi there!

    So the first thing I'd like to start with is that I've got serious barriers to explain thoroughly my situation(english is not my native language), so I need you guys to be very smart Because of this, I'm gonna try to be quite short with the story:

    About her: She had almost 1 year(last year), without having relationship. Before this, she had some serious(1-2 year) and some short relationships.
    So in march, she met someone (who I think is a kind of pua) and felt she is in love. Ohh, an important thing. I'm not really sure, how do u separate love in english. As u see i tried crush in the title. In my language, there's a word to describe the "love with fire" "where u loose your mind" etc..And the "truelove", which is like after this crazy thing comes up, where u love the personality of your mate, which is deeper, but not that kind of loose your mind. So I called crush the crazy thing, and truelove the deeper, longer, "calmer" thing. Hope u guys see what i meant.

    So correctly, she felt she had a crush on this guy. He was kind of "badboy" flirting with her girlfriends, being ultrasocial, having party a lot, but, the mean point is that doing things which is too much, like not calling her for 2-3 days. So she felt thats a crush, but come on, I think its just some ego game.

    This girl, and I got to know each other from a group on facebook, where are people, goin abroad to work. So we contacted, because we both left for the summer to work. During the summer we were talking only on chat, because we were on different parts of the country, but we planned a trip after 2 month working. Actually thats the point of this program, and thats why there's that group to find mates. So we were talkin a lot, she laughed all the time really hard, sometimes she wrote she just read loudly what I wrote and her girlfriend there just fell in love with me. So we had a lot of fun When she told me she had a boyfriend, I knew that she didnt get what she wanted, she is not happy. So i thought, okey, if she is hot in real life as well, I'm gonna pick her up during the trip

    Trip: 2 weeks. We lived our dream. 4 people. To be short: after 3 days, i kissed the girl on the beach, the next day she broke up with him in email. After this, it was freaking awesome, really like a dream (it was in the USA)...Dont need to tell more.

    So we got home. She met with her ex to break up personally as well. After this day she said her feelings confused after this. Okey, I told her "I don't wanna be the guy who heals your soul and then gettin dumped, then leave each other for a while, and start dating after youre ready"
    She said "No, dont do it, just give me time, and I'll be fine. While you were talkin for 10 minutes, I already missed your touch n kiss"
    So I said "Okey, lets do it".

    It's hard to explain in english how were the things after this.

    We were doing well, she told me the words during a great sex "I love you" and I said too.

    Only fights were only because I wasnt really myself. I couldnt handle this ex situation, when I felt that she still wasnt over, I acted sadly-depressed. But I tried to keep the things in myself. But as every woman, she knew something is wrong so asked me I told her theres nothing ...
    So there were a lot of these kind of conversations. Important to mention, the guy told her, he's not gonna let her loose, he's gonna fight. And he did it well, texted her 1-2 times a week, smartly, with good things, left old stuff at her door etc...Thats why I wasnt that confident, as usually I'm. Ohh and something I missed: they are goin to the same university, and living in the same student hostel.

    Once there was a party, she wanted me to go. I refused, I had to wake up early the next day. So we met the next day in the noon, and started talkin about the party...She said it was a crap, her ex gave her hard times, started talking to her the whole night..I just asked her "Okey, did u dance with him?" She said yes...Then I got mad, and told her, "why are you complaining he doesnt leave you to move on, when u dance with him, talk with him..Thats why he doesnt stop it!" So I was like okey, I'm breaking up again. She was telling me yes it was a huge mistake and she will ignore him from now on. She stroked-cuddled me etc, and I was weak once again, and forgave her. But I felt bed after this situation so after like 2-3 days, I broke up with her. It happened in the midnight, and I lived far, so I slept over her place...In the night we couldnt sleep, had sex, cuddled really hard, I felt like okey finally she is not an icecube, felt real hard emotions. In the morning we said ok, try it, its gonna work.

    That was our last 2 week. The things were really great, we even had a trip in a quiet, peaceful little town. We started feeling that "crush" that "crazy love", not only the deep "okey I love you but I didnt loose my mind". Damn it, it's hard to explain without the right words

    2 weeks passed, and we went on a party. I knew that she and her ex had crazy relationship had a lot of party etc..So I felt again a pressure on myself. We had this party, and it was a crap. After this in the cab I was like before; "didnt talk, felt bed, and was quiet, and tried not to answer whats your problem question from her". So she got mad, why I cant tell her..I said I'm fine, leave it. She wanted me to sleep at her place, I refused because I was mad. Next morning we spoke on phone and I told her "okey, i acted stupid, I just felt bed, we went on a party and it wasnt good, and I felt its my fault.." She went home for 4 days (countryside) so the last time we saw each other, was in the cab.

    2 days after talkin via phone, she wrote me an email. She broke up with me. I could copy this, but you wouldnt understand But this email was amazing so was my answer. It was confirmed by my national pua community.

    The email: She was telling me: I m the perfect man for her. She never met someone like me, who can show what is real love, being a man, but not being needy. I taught her to smile again (damn, i forgot again something: she felt bad, cuz her ex admitted he cheated on her during the summer)..but she cant really open her heart right now, she is not over her ex, and she doesnt want to do this to me, its not fair from her. So she let me go..

    Something like this. It sounds lame in this short n english version, but i cant really translate, its long and there are hard expressions.

    After 2 days when she got back to the city, we met to break up personally. She was crying etc. I was smiling being positive, and tried Push Pull: telling her why we are here whats our problem, that could be easily fixed, but yes, i know we have to break up. So I was communicating like this for the whole time. But she didnt change her mind, so we really broke up.

    I was like 3 weeks ago, almost 4. We spoke 2 times.

    1. We were talking about shack up with each other in january, and goin abroad together in the summer. She knew a really great opportunity for the summer but I didnt know if she is going to use it. So I texted her, I wanna meet, and talk about it. She said she cant meet me, it would be bad for both of us, even that i texted her, she feels like her heart beating so fast, so cant meet...I was like okey then dont. (it was 1 week after breaking up)

    2. I had all the pictures from summer, that she needed. I uploaded all of them on a cloudstore site, and wrote her "I sad we are here, that I have to give these pics to you, like this, and sent the links"
    She wrote me a long answer that: "its better for us, we cant move on if we see each other, that our relationship was ruined because she couldnt move on so please dont do the same mistake again, and that I will see that things are better like this in the future" (2 weeks after breakin up)

    I answered, "thats nice youre caring about me like this, but I'm okey, and I know smiling and being in good mood is rewarding. I suggest you to do this too" I tried to turn the frame that she did like I m the one who's suffering.

    I missed a lot of the story..The thing is that I missed why it's hard to believe it's happing. She said thing i can't forget. Telling me for 2 minutes what she love in me. And she knew my deepest characteristics. She told me many times I'm a treasure, and can't believe she found me. Well it doesnt seem so true so nice, but I cant transform the things in english perfectly. Just believe me it was a true love, but I couldnt handle the ex situation, I wasnt a real man. But after few weeks now I perfectly see what mistakes I did. And I know, we could be a freakin good couple, I just cant do it again, that I did in this 2,5 months. I dont know what the hekk was with me. I did mistakes, I know for ages that those are mistakes. Whatever, I'd love to do this whole thing, based on my "new"(actually thats the old one) personality. We didnt have separeted life, we spent too much time together etc... Now I started do my hobbies again, etc...


    So guys, ideas about what's goin on in her mind? She is really calibrated and strong. And older than me. I was thinkin for a while that she went back to her ex. But they are still not friends on facebook (she deleted him after he told her the cheating things). Well actually it doesnt mean anything..Just guessing. I really confused about this, I pretty sure she cant/couldnt move on that easily. But the signs are showing that. We had so-so deep comfort too. Told me things,secrets, that she never told anyone else. She told me the sex is far the best with me.(I wont explain why I believed it, just trust me, it was for sure )

    Another thing. When we were together for 2-3 weeks, we had a conversation about this "crushing love" and told each other we dont feel it. "Just" the love. So this conv. ruined things I think, u cant speak about these so early, it blows the spark. The other big mistake we did always, we talked too much about thing, instead of living them. We should have read Echkhard Tolle

    Good luck for guessing guys. Oh, and if it's not clear: yes I want her back. I got to know some pretty good women, and I still thinking about this girl. It's not one itis, it's just the feeling:

    "this relationship is an unfinished move, which is terminated right in the middle"

    And just to avoid comments referring to this, what I do now:
    Building my life, doing my hobbies, going to the gym, getting know new people, doing a lot of things, and yes I feel good and happy! Just know idea how and when can I contact her..
    Last edited by HankMoody; 11-28-2012 at 08:47 AM. Reason: missed something

  2. #2
    HankMoody is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: True love, though not crush

    She texted me 2 days ago.

    She: "Hey, how are you? Did you find a job? I finally did. It's an ........blabla. Winter has arrived, dont forget to wear your scarf. Hope everythings fine with you!!

    I replied it with logical answer, wrote only lil bit fun.

    She laughed, told me "good luck" for my job interview.

    I replied 5 hours later; "thanks, though it was not a job for me, i didnt like it so i left early. Take care.

    So whats next, watcha think guys? I thinking what happened to her, how could I escalete to meet, and does she wanna get me back, or just what was that random texting?

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: True love, though not crush

    You're English is fine. I think the word you're looking for is lust. It's much more powerful than crush and is easily confused with the word love.

    A little piece of advice, never get into a relationship with someone who just got out of one. Ever heard of a rebound? It's a relationship to help heal from the first relationship. But no one ever believes they are ever in a rebound relationship until after its over. Sometimes they work out, but rarely. Also what you are feeling is likely not love, but lust. If you were feeling love than you wouldn't be chasing her, but enjoying each other's time together and she wouldn't be confused about what she wants.

    People who are really in love will tell you it takes years to reach that deep level you are speaking of. It's ok to be in lust and not love. Just don't think it's love when it's not. Then you end up holding onto someone who isn't worth your time while someone else is waiting for you to come into their lives.

    My advice? I think you should let this one go and realize you just had your first rebound relationship. I've had some myself so it's not the worst thing in the world. Don't ever jump into a relationship with someone who has an emotional attachment to someone else. You are just setting yourself up for heart break. Pickup is to help get her into bed, not so much on how to keep her.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: True love, though not crush

    You're English is fine. I think the word you're looking for is lust. It's much more powerful than crush and is easily confused with the word love.

    A little piece of advice, never get into a relationship with someone who just got out of one. Ever heard of a rebound? It's a relationship to help heal from the first relationship. But no one ever believes they are ever in a rebound relationship until after its over. Sometimes they work out, but rarely. Also what you are feeling is likely not love, but lust. If you were feeling love than you wouldn't be chasing her, but enjoying each other's time together and she wouldn't be confused about what she wants.

    People who are really in love will tell you it takes years to reach that deep level you are speaking of. It's ok to be in lust and not love. Just don't think it's love when it's not. Then you end up holding onto someone who isn't worth your time while someone else is waiting for you to come into their lives.

    My advice? I think you should let this one go and realize you just had your first rebound relationship. I've had some myself so it's not the worst thing in the world. Don't ever jump into a relationship with someone who has an emotional attachment to someone else. You are just setting yourself up for heart break. Pickup is to help get her into bed, not so much on how to keep her.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    HankMoody is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: True love, though not crush

    Thanks for the answer!
    Well, i knew the word rebound. Yes, maybe I was in that role.
    But the lust: i checked in the dictionary, and it says something like "the body desire" "wanting sb's body" etc... It's not the word i was looking for.

    Was lookin for the word that describes the love that lasts only for 1-2 years, and has high chemistry. Right after this, comes (if comes) the "true love". Uhm, not sure if i made it clear.

    Btw, I'd argue with this, "it was just lust". Imagine, when she was telling me for 2 min what does she love in me. She told me so nice things, so true, not only ordinary things.

    What do u think about that she texted me surprisingly?


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