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  1. #1
    Hibana is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Trying to recover my ex girlfriend (Sad story, need help)

    Let me tell you my story. It's been a rough time and I now I feel kinda lost and need some help making a plan.

    I started dating that girl about 2 years ago. The relationship started great, although it was hard at the start because she still felt hurt from another relationship, but we worked it out. A few months later, I was diagnoses with a severe disease and I was told it could even kill me. I felt scared and horrible at the beginning and I messed up because I didn't tell anything to her in like 2-3 months where my self-esteem was as lowest as possible. I finally told her but things weren't like they were in the beginning.

    From there, she tried to break up with me after another 2 months because she said she didn't feel anything for me anymore, but we patched that up. It wasn't the best decision, but I needed that emotional support in that moment. From that point, she was extremely distant to me, although she cared about my health. I was constantly pursuing her and messed it even more.

    About 3 months ago, she didn't even want to hang out with me, so 2 months ago I got fed up and told her I couldn't bear that anymore. A few days later, we talked a lot on the phone and ended both of us crying, with she telling me she wanted me as a friend, and that she could be with anyone at that moment. After that, we stopped talking although I was still kind of pursuing her and trying to talk to her. Then, 2 weeks later, I had to move for a few days for some special treatment that could kill me or end with my disease, so I called her and told her, and then she tried to cheer me up. She even texted me when I was about to enter the hospital. Fortunately, it went great and now I'm fully recovered, but even then I've tried to contact her a few times since that day.

    I finally met her last wednesday because we both had to go to the same conference, but I was thinking I should talk to her again (just meet her), but I felt like she tried to avoid me all the time, giving me her back on the other end of the room. I tried to play it nice talking with some of my friends there and waiting for us to meet casually to say hi, but she kept like that all the time.

    So, after that day, I started reading some books and that same day I started with "No contact". What I'm worried about is that the whole situation feels different from what I can see in any books, so I don't know how I should act. Right now, I'm just keeping with no contact while improving myself (but I started doing that before starting NC, so I don't know if I did right). ¿Any ideas of what I should do?

    Also, I must note that next saturday I'll have to see her in a birthday, which is probably going to be a long party. ¿What should I do there?

    Thanks for reading the whole story. If anyone's worried, I must say that now I'm doing great in health terms and I started exercising again to recover physically. I'm also trying to look form more thing to do to improve myself and recover my lost confidence, because I know that my whole self changed the day I heard the bad news, and I let it go all over my head.

  2. #2
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Trying to recover my ex girlfriend (Sad story, need help)

    I'm not a pro by any means, but I can tell you some things I have learned from my experience on here as well as reading The Game. I too had someone I cared deeply about on such a personal level. We went out and ended up breaking up but still fooling around/almost dating for another year or so. Well now she is with another dude and it tears me to pieces. So I went NC on and off for almost two months. I can be hard at times man. Sometimes you just stare at her number in your phone and think of ways you can "accidentally" text her. But the thing is man, I have really took this NC time to reflect on myself. I have gone out on dates with other women as well had some hot nights with women as well. Not only did this boost my confidence and stroke my ego but it also allowed me to meer new people, make connections and even more friends.

    The problem is that me and my ex have so many friends in common. Hell, her roommate is my best friend. So when I go clubbing and I see her what do I do? I act like she is just another girl in the room. I treat it like a hollywood movie. I am a main character and she is an extra in the background that nobody notices. When she comes up and says hi, I stay polite and like an old friend I say hi. Keep it short than walk away. It't amazing how EXs notice when they are not in your center of attention anymore. She will respect you and admire you for it.

    Now advice for you personally.

    You said that at a point in your relationship you kept here there for emotional support. Maybe she had a rough time along with you and couldn't bare the stress or pain. I mean you had a pretty serious health issue, that will put a strain on anyone's relationship. I think you shouldn't try and seek her out to say hi, you have been trying to seek her attention for a while. Let her come to you. At this party, have fun with other guys there and spark conversation with other women. Trust me, she will notice. Because now these new women are in your sights and not your ex anymore. She will miss that attention. NC is not for her. NC is for you to reflect and help yourself. You are healthy now. You are all healed. Now take the time to heal and strengthen your confidence and ego. Walk into that birthday party with your shoulders pulled back and your head held hi. Respect yourself and show everyone in that room that you are worth someone's time of day. If you love yourself and carry yourself strong, she WILL take notice.

    Just my two cents lol.

  3. #3
    Hibana is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to recover my ex girlfriend (Sad story, need help)

    I must say that the party I talked about above is not some clubbing party. Our group of friends (she is part of it) is going to meet the whole afternoon and then we will have dinner together at night, so basically there are no other unknown girls to talk to, wich makes it a bit harder.

    It's been 5 days since I started no contact and I'm doing better now, but still have some worries. I disabled any means to see her updates and wall on Facebook, but I don't know if I should be putting stuff in my wall or just leave it alone and disappear completely for her.

  4. #4
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Trying to recover my ex girlfriend (Sad story, need help)

    Drop her completely, you don't have to delete her off Facebook or any of that sillyness. Just forget about her and go about your life.

    Look, you are all friends at the party, doesn't stop you from going up to them and showing them the new you. Use this as an opportunity to showcase yourself to them, be more flirty and talkative, be the LIFE of the party. Step up and HAVE FUN! Do this, and she will take note.

  5. #5
    Hibana is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Trying to recover my ex girlfriend (Sad story, need help)

    I'm here to offer some info that might be useful about this case.

    About her, she finished her studies a year ago and since then she hasn't found a job, so she started hanging out less and less with everyone, except 2 or 3 of her girl friends. Her situation at home is not so great, as she lives with her parents and they have just enough money to pay the bills and they're having troubles even with that. First time she tried to left me (and even last time we talked) she said she couldn't be with anyone because she is so stressed and being with me made her even more stressed (wich I understand, as I became the depressed guy I talked about).

    Right now I'm worried about her situation. I know she must also be depressed even though she doesn't show it to almost anyone, but I don't know if she really is conscious that she has to do something and change that for herself. I've been wondering this days if I should talk with her or try to help her in any means, but I don't want to break no contact because I will be again the one after her.

    So, I want to keep no contact and wait for her to contact me first, but I don't know if that will be too much for her and she will simply pass it like she is doing with other things. Also, I'm thinking about this weekend party and I think I'm going to have a great time with my friends while trying to be polite with her but without breaking the no contact rules, but I'm wondering if she will be avoiding me again or if I'll hurt her even more with that.

    I know it's not the best scenario, but there must be some good way to proceed, right?


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