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  1. #1
    lemonbalm88 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need a guy's perspective on my ex!

    Hi guys... sorry, this is a girl invading your territory (PUA Forums) but what better place to go to get a guy's advice and i promise i can help out by contributing to any girl issues you may be having!

    So here's the story...

    Me and my ex dated for a little more than year. everything started out great and lovely. now, my experience level is a little different from his. i have dated many people in the past and had many types of relationships while he only had one serious girlfriend before me.

    a few months after we started dating i saw that he was really insecure about this. he made some comments about my past that rubbed me the wrong way (nothing disrespectful or rude, but out of a place of not undersatnding). he had this fear that i would leave him/get bored of him/find another guy etc even though i was very loving and we both made it clear from the start we wanted a LTR. i was hurt by his reaction of course, and i grew a bit distant from him for a couple of months because of this, but eventually we worked our issues out.

    almost immediately after this, he started picking alot of stupid fights with me and being over sensitive about everything. sometimes i felt like he would actually SEEK OUT a fight. stupid things like me not calling him at a certain time of the day (even though i had called him twice or three times in other times of that day).

    i tried everything - being calm, being angry, being sad, ignoring, brushing it off, waiting it out for a few days... but he never seemed to apologize for his weird and snappy behavior. eventually i got sick of this and would grow more and more frustrated every time we had an arguement like this (it was going on for a few months and by the end i was really reaching my breaking point).

    He blamed me for being "too negative" but in my head he was literally driving me insane and refused to apologize/take responsibility to any of his mistakes. i literally would not start any fight with him during that time, it was always him initiating it. and when we were not fighting, he was very loving and affectionate towards me.

    eventually we broke up because i couldnt handle it anymore (him not taking responsibility) because to me this is a quality of a boy and not a man.

    Only after we broke up did he sort of realize that he messed up... but he said he felt unprepared and unconfident to take the relationship forward because he has alot of issues he needs to sort out within himself (which i wholehartedly agree with). but he said he was still in love with me and etc and hoped htat we could try again once he finishes sorting himself out.

    i met him after we broke up once time and acted really buddy-buddy with him, cuz i really dont want to put in more effort than i already have and also i dont want to pressure him into getting back together because i know he needs his time. but he seemed uneasy by my behavior and maybe seems to be very discouraged.

    I guess i just need a guy's perspective on alll this....

  2. #2
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a guy's perspective on my ex!

    Right. From what I see, ur boy is a pretty insecure guy. Usually it's the girl who calls to check on/bitch about why we're not replying/calling u girls. This can only be rectified by him himself. Now, a guy like him is gonna be downhearted and disappointed when he realizes his mistakes and confessed to u and yet nothing changed. U acting buddy-buddy with him would probably make him think as if his already "friendzoned" and that he is just another "one of ur boyfriends" & you have moved on.

    Now what u need is to gently nudge him in the right direction (I.e saying things like u know u had some wrongs as well [takes 2 hands to clap] ). Maybe acknowledge that he might be downhearted and less confident when he knew about your past. But tell him what matters is the present and future. (just a little hints here and there). And hopefully he's smart enough to catch on and boost his confidence a little and perhaps start "chasing" u again

  3. #3
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need a guy's perspective on my ex!

    So, obviously he has some issues. He likes to create drama and stress because that's what makes him comfortable. He likely had a farcked up childhood and that's why he does shit like this. He needs to learn to chill the fark out and allow things to go his way. My advice would be to fight fire with love. I know that sounds like some cheesy shit, but you're guy doesn't know that what he is chasing away is his own happiness. These dysfunctional traits were ingrained in childhood and have nothing to do with you. Grab a hold of his manhood and tell him to chill or you gotta go.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  4. #4
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a guy's perspective on my ex!

    i know this might be late, but you never told us if you right now would want to put effort into this relationship to make it work? Jakerson's advice is solid... so is liukang75's...
    but my question is, are you willing to go through it again... and to guide him? is he worth the trouble? and effort? if yes then go on and guide him...
    if no then bail out before you sink in the quagmire that this relationship could turn to...
    if maybe then think about it before going deeper...

    basically what do you want, NOW?


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