I used to have an internet relationship with this girl for 5+ years. After some time we broke up because i felt like we are not going to meet and have a normal relationship. I met a few girls in real life but i could not experience the same feelings. Then i started using PUA materials and went on few more dates and it was nice. I was having real success with women as for the first time in my life i was able to make them experience feelings which i thought were not possible. I felt like a lively guy and very powerful.
However, it did not last long as the material i was using gave me a somewhat "fake" personality. After some time i could not even keep track of my own personality ( what i was portraying to the women). There came a lot of sh1t tests and i could not keep up. Portraying who i was not (by remembering lines) felt like it was mentally exhausting. One day i got into a fight when somebody pushed me out of his sh1tty shop and i slapped him back for disrespect. He called out 6 of his guys on me , however i survived because i decided to fight back and some people came to my rescue.
After this i constantly got mentally exhausted trying to consciously "be in pua mode" and getting offended/threatened by other guys on the inside and not getting any girls but acting "dont care" and "high value" on the outside.
By this time i decided to quit pua outer game because it was exhausting and tried to concentrate on inner game for a while .. it also failed. I decided to reform my life and got a new job and started boxing lessons and bodybuilding. It made me physically fitter but is still not a way to get girls.
I tried to talk to my online Ex again but it was very cold and we would fight after couple of mins. I would try after couple of months with same results. Couple of days ago she said she is seeing somebody else and asked me to leave her alone. I tried to use a bf destroyer and she said " You want me to die alone because we cannot be together.I am deleting my email account."
It destroyed me and yesterday i found out that she has deleted her account. She lives in Turkey 3500 Kms away and i have only seen pictures. I know i cannot find her or get her back even if i do.
I took a break from pua (or used some principles i learned) to lead a healthy life.. But how far can a man go without any woman in his life?