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  1. #1
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    Before I get into the details I’d just like to say I was in the game for a looooooong time before this relationship and had tons of fun but decided to slow my life down a little bit.
    So, here is my “how to get my ex back” story. I dated this chick for year and a half, by far the coolest most down to earth chick I have known in a long time. Even though she is 25 I am the only man she has ever been in love with. We totally had plans to get married, have kids, the whole shebang, etc.. The relationship was great, we argued but never got into a serious fight. Then one day the big fight came. I got drunk later that night changed my fb status and after that in her mind it was over. We didn’t speak for the next week as I was gone away at school. Once I got back I sent her flowers and left a note at her house. She responded the next day blah blah, needed time to think etc. She decides not to give me a second chance and we go no contact for 2-3 months. Around thanksgiving we end up hanging out at a mutual friends, get drunk, have a heart to heart, she comes home with me and we sleep together. Great the relationship is on its way to being mended….. WRONG!
    She tells me she doesn’t want to jump back into anything but wants to be friends and focus on school for the time being. She also said the relationship won’t ever be the same as when we were dating. I’m okay with this as we are finally talking and hanging out as I know I can fix things. But then she totally changes and will not spend any time with me as just the two of us. We end up texting one night and I kind of freeze her out and ignore her, where she then begins to tell me there could still be a future for us she just isn’t sure about anything, not sure about how she feels towards me, but she is stressed with school and will talk to me when her finals are over.
    Finals week ends two weeks before Christmas and we are texting, but nothing about the “talk” comes up. I finally bring it up and she tells me she doesn’t want a relationship and just wants to focus on school. Tells me she will always love me but is not in love with me anymore. ( I feel like ive read this here before from others’ stories) In any case it just caused another useless argument and I decide to go no contact.
    Fast forward to now, she is talking to an old fling that lives a couple states away with plans to visit and we still aren’t talking. Their relationship ended because the distance was too hard and he’s also two years younger than she is. She has also been very adamant about being friends with me….

    So, here’s what im doing:
    -Going no contact for a while. It’s only been a month and a half but I might make 6 months or something. I don’t know how long it will be.
    -getting over her.
    -meeting new women.
    -improving myself with, inner game/gym/enjoying life/finishing my degree/graduating in may and getting my career going.
    -rereading magic bullets and david d.
    What I want to know is:
    -I feel her “the relationship will never be the same as when dating” line is just a way of saying she doesn’t trust me that I won’t hurt her anymore. So, how do I change her frame, get her to be more optimistic about a future with me etc.
    -How do I stay out of the Freindzone? I have been adamant about not being friends with her specifically because I do not want to be in the friendzone.
    - Is it possible to go into the friendzone even after she was in love with me and wanted to have kids/get married and all of that??
    -How to repair things on a friendship level and win her back at some point?
    - also how do I destroy her view of any other guy that comes into her life in a romantic way?


    P.S. if something doesn't make sense ask. There is a lot of information and I could have left something out.

  2. #2
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    Forgot to add, one of my social circles that I hang out with a lot is also her (just about only) social circle. So regardless of NC I am trying to avoid the specific circle, but also know that I will most likely run into her again at some point in the future.

  3. #3
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    Nothing yet, aye? Need more info or not people have read yet?

  4. #4
    rugbyguy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    firstly, its incorrect to be thinking 'no contact for a while'. You need it for as long as it takes, to get you back to the guy she met, not who you are now. if you read your posts it shows that you were getting her interested by nc, then you slept together, after that she lost interest. Its a big deal for her to sleep with you again, its what you did after that, that lost her again. But here's the beauty, you can get her back through NC, it will take longer this time though. 1, in her 'circle of friends' which is the same as yours, dont bring her up 'EVER', if someone does, just say, 'I was a bit of a sap for a while there, but ive realised shes not for me'. Reason, she knows right now she can have you whenever she calls, spread the seeds of doubt. 2, look back over why she left the first time and then why she left again, and go kill that guy!. You need to go back to the cool, suave, likeable guy she met, not the sappy needy guy she left. GET BACK TO WHO YOU WERE! thats what attracted her!!! 3, use this time to physically get back to/get in better shape than ever before, you want to wow her in 3-4 months when you 'casually run into her'. 4. Date. Go on internet dates, local bar dates, hell any date you can get. Believe me, she will hear about it, because we are all curious. Now dont go planting 'obvious bombs' like to her best mates 'oh im soooo happy now and dating loads of hot girls' you will sound like a tool. When you meet her mates (try not to, your absence, is more noted than your presence right now) just ask about them, their jobs, boyfriends etc etc etc, absolutely not your ex. the first thing that will happen is the mate will phone her and say a, she met you. b, you were looking good, c you were in good spirits, d, he didnt ask about you......tick tick tick. Her mind will start to think, it might take a few months, but seeds need time to grow, but then, 3-4-5 months pass. you'll meet her again, she will see, new happy, confident, ripped you and fall over you once again. 4 FINAL LESSON, when you get a chance to get her back, learn from your past mistakes or she'll dump you again. Genuinely get back to the cool guy she met and stay there! otherwise this is all for nothing and you have wasted all this time not seeking out other girls....good luck

  5. #5
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    Thank you!!! I will post later as I am going to let this sink in, but may have questions.

  6. #6
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    I want to bring this back because I have some questions/need advice.

    First off I would like to say that, I am over this chick. Could honestly care less what were to happen to us. Moving on....

    So, apparently through the grape vine, I've heard, a. She is sort of still dating some dude out of state. They only see each other when he is on leave.... b. She has said something about there being a possibility of our relationship having another chance at some point in the future (I read this as basically, I'm her back-up incase things don't work out with the current guy) and c. Apparently she "thinks" she can have me back at any time if she ever came back and asked me to be with her.

    So, my main point of interest is C. How do I go about creating doubt? We see each other probably once a month through mutual friends which I have been trying to avoid because of this... But I don't want her to think she has another chance with me, she may or may not, I honestly don't care how I feel about her. I do want to destroy any idea in her mind of me being completely available to her. So how do I do this? I was thinking neg, Neg, Neg, as she seems to think she is hot sh!t and me always being "available" to her is feeding her ego. Ideas/advice welcome.

  7. #7
    ED11356's Avatar
    ED11356 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    Just freeze her out majorly. She's trying to oblige with you cause she thinks you won't say no to her like you said.

    If she sends a text, tell her you're out with friends at a club or something and that you will call/text later (while not doing so : P)

  8. #8
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting my ex back story (advice please)

    What about face to face interactions?


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