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  1. #1
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Drifted apart but not meant to be apart

    Ok, I'm looking to get my ex back but I don't know how.

    We had been dating 4 weeks.

    The first three weeks, things were as good as they could have been, fantastic! I thought I'd met an incredible woman and was so happy, we both wanted to make as much time as possible for each other.

    So what happened next?

    She was unwell, so instead of seeing each other a lot, which we had been, we weren't seeing each other at all. I was ok with this at first initially as I wanted her to recover and we had plans to enjoy a good weekend together in the weekend just gone. Except, I think that all this week served to do was to drive a divide between her & I. I was quiet to her, giving her space to recover but replying to any messages, but I didn't want to go ott. So I think her feelings drifted from me as we had only been dating a few weeks up to this point.

    Secondly, I'm sadly one of those guys who falls fast. Therefore maybe she felt too much pressure and I think that pushed her away too.

    So she broke up with me 2 days ago, over the phone! So again we didnt see each other.

    What can I do to get her back? I haven't messaged her since our break up. We broke up about 36 hours ago. I want to get her back and then take things slowly with her, at her pace. I have something of her's which she may want back. So I'm thinking if there was only a way to meet her for coffee, act like I'm not bothered, give her the something back and hope that the connection is there and by me playing it cool that she will be interested again. I'm going away for a few days today, to get my head clear. I'm trying not to message her until she messages me, if she does.

    My course of action is this..,

    Not messaging her for a few days, until Wednesday night, to give her some time and space. I will then send her a message asking how she is and suggesting that we meet so I can give her the item back. That if we meet for a quick drink so I can do so in a neutral venue.

    Would that work? Or should I act differently?

  2. #2
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Drifted apart but not meant to be apart

    She's deleting me from all Social Media which must mean that she intends for things to be final. I hurt like crazy over her, knowing that I'm not likely to ever find someone who I can connect with as well as I connected with her. Those moments where you look at each other and just smile, the fact that we seemed to totally get each other and enjoyed every moment together. If we had been arguing or things didn't feel right, I would have left it but it feels so wrong to me. I think she's not fussed, I guess it's easier for women to move on and usually a lot easier for them to meet the next person as they don't have to put the effort in.

  3. #3
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Drifted apart but not meant to be apart

    Oh, and I've been on Plenty of Fish, trying to find a new woman to distract me. I noticed that she was on the site, so I'm guessing she saw that I was too. That was kinda painful, as it showed me that she has already moved on with her life and that this whole not being ready for a relationship thing was just a lazy assed excuse to get out of the relationship without giving me any real reasons why things weren't working out. Last time we saw each other, things had seemed better than good.

  4. #4
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Drifted apart but not meant to be apart

    I'm thinking that I might have suffocated the relationship, which is obviously a big problem. I think I fell too deep, too quick and that this may have led to her being concerned about where the relationship was going, rather than simply enjoying the fun that we were having.

    Plus the chat dried up when I wasn't seeing her for that week and so I guess that's where distance comes from. I can't just throw random comments at people, I need a two way conversation, that's where any humour comes from and it's how subjects for discussion come up as one subject leads to another and so on. All I kept asking was how she was but maybe it was a bit OTT and added to the suffocation, asking how she was through the day, takes away from the loose fun.

  5. #5
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Drifted apart but not meant to be apart

    Hey Dave-o,

    I've just read your posts and a couple of things stand out for me. I hope you don't mind but I am gonna point a few things out and I hope you can appreciate what I am saying here.

    First of all, 4 posts one after another tells me that your emotions are taking over and you are desperate for a quick fix. Sorry to say this bro but there is no quick fix here. So for now, you need to put Mr. Emotional back in his box and start thinking logically and rationally. Easy to say I know but trust me here - you are tearing yourself up and it is not doing you any good.

    Also notice that you are counting the NC period in hours - this isn't a short-term game mate - NC is the only way you can get control of yourself and your emotions so sorry to say this but you need to be prepared for the long haul. I know it's hard but the first 1 or 2 weeks are real tough but it gets easier.

    I see you were together for 4 weeks. That's no time at all - you don't even know this girl. You think you do but you don't - you are both still projecting yourselves. In other words, the real you and the real her have not surfaced yet. Now, you might be finding out what this girl is like right now. She might be one of the many girls out there that loses interest when they know you like them.

    As for being on some dating site - have you considered that she might be thinking the same as you i.e. 'oh well, he is looking at other options'.

    Taking all that on-board you only have one option here. Keep NC and get your emotions under control bro. Like I said above, she is only just getting to know you. So, what do you want her to see? Some guy that is needy and wanting her back no matter what? Or a cool, calm, collected, confident guy that isn't prepared to take sh** and can walk away with dignity and self-respect?

    I know when you read this your emotions will kick in and you will feel even worse because this isn't what you want to hear. But you know what? Sorry bro but you need to hear this and you need to man up. Right now.

    So, no more attention for her. She hasn't earned that. When she gets back in touch (and she will) you need to not respond for a while (3-4 hours at least or maybe more) and get those emotions under control.

    If this is a game she is playing, you need to stay in control and win it on your terms - not hers. And if you feel it is slipping away because of your emotions or some other (outside i.e. another guy) influence. You need to walk away before you get hurt anymore. Self protection bro - don't let anybody make you feel bad.

    Sorry if this was a bit blunt but I mean well and, once the emotion subsides, you'll know this is the right thing to do.

    All the best.


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