I’m writing this because tons of guys come on here looking for advice on how to get their ex back and you should know you’re not alone in feeling this. EVERY SINGLE GUY who has had an ex leave them has had the desire to get their ex back. It’s a natural response. In fact, if I’m honest with you, as I sit here writing this (which I’m writing as a distraction for the mountain of work I have to get done before midnight) I am thinking about texting an ex. But I’m not going to, and neither should you!
So let’s get how you get your ex back out of the way so I can get to what I really want to talk about. Despite what all the guides on the internet say, there are only two steps to getting your ex back: (1) Get over your ex and move on with your life and (2) Rebuild attraction. Wow! How simple is that? But here’s the catch, in general you can’t do number 2 without first doing number 1, and if you actually accomplish number 1 why would you want to step back into the past anyways?
Ok, now that we have that out of the way I’m going to tell you exactly why you don’t want your ex back, despite what your emotions and the internet are telling you.
Why do you think you want your ex back?
Before I answer this question I want you to do something. Go to Google right now and type in “get my ex back” (I’m willing to bet you’ve already done this a dozen times recently anyways). What comes up? Well first thing you should notice is there is almost 1 billion results. The next thing you should notice is that most of the top results are for scam products that you normally would never buy. So why are there so many scam products to help people get their ex back? You already know why, but I’ll tell you anyways. The desire to get your ex back is an emotional response to an outside stimuli—it is not a logical response. The typical consumer makes their purchase decisions on the basis of mostly logical considerations, but when your ex breaks up with you you’re no longer making decisions by logic. Based on this little fact, swindlers have made an entire industry on the grounds that people will make bad purchasing decisions after they have experienced a breakup. In fact, go look at yourself in the mirror right now and admit to yourself that you are currently a creature of emotion and any choice you make at this stage in your life would be a purely emotional decision.
When your ex breaks up with you they typically create a hole in your life. This hole occurs because you have come to rely on your ex for some very basic human needs, such as validation and comfort. This is not a healthy state to be in. The ideal person is able to create validation for themselves and does not thirst for the comfort of others. If you currently feel a longing for your ex it’s most likely because you are not comfortable with whom you are. The ass backwards logic of this is that if you feel an insatiable desire to get your ex back it likely means that moving on would be exponentially better for you than if you were to get your ex back.
I’ll never find another girl like her!
This is the number one reason boys (I use boys here on purpose) use to justify trying to get there ex back. In PUA we refer to this is as a failure to have an abundance mentality. There are approximately 7 billion people on this planet. If about half of them are female that leaves about 3.5 billion females. Of course, not all of them are appropriate mates for one reason or another, but the point is there are a lot of farking women out there. You may never find another woman like your ex, but you will most definitely find better if you look hard enough. What’s more, if you found your ex originally you have already found and attracted at least one gal who’s as good as your ex, so you’ve already proven you can succeed with a quality lady.
Again, the fear of not finding another woman is an irrational emotional response. Don’t let it be the reason to try and get your ex back!
But I love her!
Welcome to the club. I love my ex too and I always will. We have a lot of good memories together and she’ll always have a special place in my life. But the fact is that I love myself more. I do not need to be with a woman who isn’t going to reciprocate my feelings towards her and neither do you. Love is a necessary condition for a successful long-term relationship, but it’s not a sufficient condition.
You need to learn to respect yourself and love yourself before others will reciprocate those feelings. In all likelihood, if you are trying to get your ex back because “you love her,” it means that you don’t love and respect yourself enough to realize that you’re better than putting yourself through all that sh1t again. Let’s pull that mirror out one more time. Look in the mirror and say, “I’m the farking man and I don’t need a woman around to let me know that!”
I hear what you’re saying, but my situation is different
NO, IT’S NOT! We’ve all been in your shoes and the collective wisdom of the forum has seen WAY worse than what you are going through. Your situation is not different; you just refuse to accept it for what it is. Move on with your life and learn to be happy in your own skin.
Well this is all good, but I’m still going to try and get my ex back
Chances are that if you’ve read this far you know that what I have said is the truth, but having been where you are myself, chances are you’re not going to listen to a word I have said. However, before you go out and do something stupid, or post a thread that asks the same question as every other poor sucker that comes on these forums looking to get his ex back, take a step back and look at yourself. Are you making decisions with your head or are you letting the emotions of the situation determine your course of action?
My guess is that by the time this experience is over and done with you will realize that I was right and that you made things infinitely more difficult on yourself by choosing to not listen to my words. But I understand that people learn best through experience, so if you still insist on getting your ex back, feel free to post your questions and waste your time searching for a band-aid solution to cover the gaping hole in your soul.