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  1. #11
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey man.

    I had a funny feeling your 'last update' wasn't really gonna be your last update.

    Seems like another headfark to me bro. This girl obviously likes you and it sounds like her sister likes you too and is trying to act as a sort of matchmaker.

    You need to do what is right for you. I'm sure you've tried being friends with an ex before so only you know if it works for you. I personally cannot do it - I need time to move on and letting someone keep you in their life so they don't feel bad, or because they cannot let go is torture. What do you get out of a relationship like that?

    Let's say you decide to try and be friends - what do you think will happen? She'll know you still like her and her interest will disappear over time. And where does that leave you 2-3 months down the road?

    Don't let her keep you on a string. You have done well up to now so stick to your guns. Tell her you still like her so you cannot be friends right now. Wish her all the best and say you can maybe be friends at some time in the future. But only after you are over her and she is over you.

    Then you can walk away holding you head up high, knowing that you are not this girls doormat.

    Sure, the games will start again after that but stick with it. Do not show any sign of weakness and be consistent and congruent with your actions. That means no texting her or calling her when the emotions kick in - and they will.

    I have to be honest here bro - sounds like this is one mixed-up girl and I would walk away now and save yourself from any more mindgames and hassle.

    I feel for you here - I really hope everything works out but I don't think it can right now.

    Good luck bro and be strong.

  2. #12
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Thanks, I agree. It took this girl to get me over my ex of 17 yrs and after 2 yrs I'm fairly good friends with the ex. but it took a long time.

    With this girl , we've had our ups and downs, and I've not cared as much at times when it was more on my terms. She one-up'd me this time, and my intuition is saying its over so its really getting in my head. It will likely take another girl's interest to get my mind off her so got to work on my game.

  3. #13
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Just let her go, if she wants to work it out, she can come to you and explain. You're working far to hard in this to be going back to that. Bad investment... time to look for a new one .

  4. #14
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Ok, new update. Listening to you all, need to add some more history.

    The argument that broke the camel's back in regards to my gf was around me repairing some items around her house. We got into some simple tiff and we pushed it off a week which we never spoke. When i called up the next weekend ready to go up there she said no thanks and our downward spiral began.

    She still needs the repairs done and i'm still talking with the girls sister. She posted on FB for help and i chatted with her sister about it. She says i should just show up fix the stuff and leave then see what her response is to me.

    I'm torn on this. I really don't want to show up uninvited but sister says i have to show that i am taking control. We had a 2 yr relationship and i did a lot of repairs to her home, etc... I want her to contact me first then i have a lead in that i'm showing up but i believe someone else will help her out soon. I don't want to break no-contact and thinking i should just stop talking to the sister too. Part of me says not worth it, other part says i need to keep trying.

  5. #15
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey.

    Thanks for the extra info.

    Sorry to be blunt here but the relationship with your ex is now over, she doesn't deserve preferential treatment anymore. If she (or her sister for that matter) want a joiner, let them look at yell.com like anybody else.

    Please stop letting this girl and her sister mindfu** you. As for turning up ininvited and doing the DIY, that is taking NC to an extreme. Sorry man but that is a bizarre suggestion by the sister.

    No way bro - make yourself scarce. This is just not worth it.

    You don't know what the future will hold but right now you need to man up and ignore this girl and her sister.

    And I would get off FB btw, it is poison when you are trying to move on.

    Time to let go bro, enough is enough.

    Good luck.

  6. #16
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Ok, I deactivated FB account, cleaned out everything in my house about her/us and focused on every negative aspect she has (which is a lot) in my mind then closed her out realizing it will never be the same with someone treating me like this.

    AND Funny thing once i started feeling ok, she texted, asking if i am ok. Ignoring it makes me feel ever better. And she's called twice, still ignoring her. Starting to not care and getting back to where i should have been all along. thanks for the help, i realize all i really want is to be back on top in control.

  7. #17
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    ok, ex txt'd asking if i was ok, then called twice and didn't leave vm. Last txt said "U must be ok, just not wanting to talk to me. Fair enough. Good night, u r prob on a date"

    I'm going to stay no contact like i said in last post just wanted to put in here what she said. Maybe she will reach back out, maybe she won't but i do believe her mind is wondering what i'm up to and if i'm moving on"

    I want to play this right and stay in control.

  8. #18
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Well done bro - you should be very pleased with yourself.

    Now you have established control - don't take any more sh** from this girl.

    Now you need to ask yourself what you really want. From what I have read this girl is a total headfark and probably not worth all the hassle. BUT if you do want her back, ask yourself why and stay in control at all costs. No matter what games she plays.

    Remember you have been here before. When she thinks she has lost you, her interest spikes. But if she thinks you like her, it disappears.

    Don't give her any signs that you are still interested bro and keep her chasing. When you do reply (I assume you will at one point) be curt but civil and non-commital. If she asks stupid questions about you dating other people etc. be evasive and keep her guessing.

    What will probably happen is that the communication will stop when you reply - view that as a sh** test and do not break NC under any circumstances.

    Let's be honest, we all like attention and your emotions will kick in when doesn't contact you for a while. But keep those emotions under control and make her wonder what you are thinking.

    Final words for now... You are back in the driving seat. Enjoy the feeling and do not let her turn the tables on you again. If she starts any crap, just walk away with your head held high. You have done well to get here - keep it going bro.

    Respect.

  9. #19
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    3/5 Update - Need to know if i have had a setback or not. Feel like I failed a test.

    So ex keeps txt and i go no contact for a few days. She blows my phone up with text and calls. I respond that she ended the relationship what do you want? She states misses me, but as we chat back and forth she turns angry about old stuff and i end the conversation saying she has some items to work out, and not do this over the phone.

    I was in Atlanta over the weekend as I'm moving there. (which kind of sucks being near the places we used to visit together but also more choices in women). She texts and i respond that i'm down the road stopping by. So we chat, she wants to talk about where we are at but only wants to be 'friends' for now. Wants to do things in the future, basically thinks she wants me to work for it or i failed to create the right emotion by visiting.

    She also stated wasn't seeing anyone, didn't want to see me with anyone and that the no contact from me is pushing her away. I stayed for 3 hrs, held hands as we talked and had a bit of contact hugging where she rubbed her backside into me but pulled away before anything escalated and we parted with a kiss on the cheek. She said ball was in my court and it was nice seeing me.

    So i've not responded since i left. At first i felt better after seeing her that i'm ok with it being over, she's not the best catch but after a while emotions kicking back in. Not sure what next step is.

  10. #20
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey man.

    I had a funny feeling you would be back with an update.

    Listen bro, I need to tell you straight. I'm really trying to help you here so please do not take this the wrong way.

    You need to decide what you want right now. No more messing about and letting this girl call the shots.

    Every time you get under control, she pulls some more weird stuff, like using her sister or bombarding you with texts and phone calls. This is just to pull you back in. And what happens when she does? Bang. She farks you over and rejects you.

    STOP LETTING HER DO THIS.

    Maybe she has NPD or BPD (look them up) but whatever it is with this girl, she is farking with your head. Every time she reels you back in, she pulls away with her ego boost saying 'I can have him any time I want him'. This constant giving her validation is ruining your self-esteem and lowering your value.

    It's time to be a man bro.

    Like I said before, tell her you still like her and for that reason you cannot be friends right now. Tell her you respect her decision not to be in a relationship with you BUT then she must respect your need to move on. And that means no texts, phonecalls, Facebook messages (from her or her sister) and no e-mails.

    Be clear but polite. But above all, be decisive and firm.

    She will contact you again. When she does, keep re-iterating that you cannot be her friend.

    Bro - even if you do get her back, she will pull the same sh** again and again and again until you show her that you are a man.

    Tell her straight bro, take the pain now and leave it. In 6 months time, tops, you will realise it was the best thing you ever did.

    Enough is enough.


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