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  1. #21
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Okay, its been one week of NC, heard nothing from the ex. Been working on me, working out, but its getting difficult. In the middle of a move to Altanta so staying busy. I'm not ready to meet someone else however do think it would help me take my mind of the ex. Any other recommendations?

  2. #22
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey.

    Well done! 1st week of NC and it gets easier from here on in. 1st 2 weeks are the worst so hang in there and do not do anything to set you back now.

    To answer your question - no - do not date anyone else right now. Let this one go and something better will come along in due course - when you are ready and at your best. Give yourself time bro because if you have another disaster like this one it will fark you up big time.

    Working out is good - gets the endorphins flowing and gives you energy. Keep at it.

    For now you need to work on your self-confidence and get your head straight because you have been on an emotional rollercoaster after putting up with all this girls mindfarking.

    I guess it depends on what you find interesting but there are some things I found very helpful to build my self-esteem back up. Check out 'Mastering Your Hidden Self' by Serge Kahili King, and 'Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind' by Shunryu Suziki. If this isn't your cup of tea, try stuff by Eckhart Tolle or stuff on NLP. These kind of books will give you a different perspective and help you become mentally stronger so you won't make the same mistakes again.

    I assume you have went full NC - blocking her and her sister on FB, deleting numbers, e-mail addresses etc. If not, do it now so you don't do something crazy in a moment of weakness.

    You have learnt a lot from this experience - put it to use to make yourself a stronger, more confident guy.

    After a while you could get into some of the PUA literature. I personally liked 'The Lay Guide' but 'The Mystery Method' and 'The Game' are good too.

    Look on this as a journey - everything will come good in the end.

    You're doing great - hang in there. And when you get the itchy fingers just remember you are walking right into her trap if you contact her again - she will just get her ego boost and disappear again. Be stronger than her and show her what she is missing.

  3. #23
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    i didn't block gf on FB, but did block the feeds. I am updating more with gym, trips, etc.. My grandmother died Friday and she offered condolences but i didn't reply.

    I realize she likely wanted a break so she could see someone else without feeling guilty but wants me around just in case. I recall from some earlier txts she wanted me to fight for her, show her i was the man, etc..which being in a 2yr relationship makes me realize she has someone else. And when i went NC, earlier she wanted to keep me around a little while longer to help justify what she was doing.

    So i'm moving to Atlanta, and i have an awesome place up a hill from the pool she also happens to be a member at. I will likely become a member when i'm ready and moved on. Its actually been 4 weeks since we really split up to begin with and its getting much harder, think about it 24x7. I do want to move on, but really feeling like i want to just make her jealous now. thanks for the advice.

  4. #24
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    3/14. Update. Requesting more advice on what forum or area to move to next. Let me tell you what happend tonight.

    So as you can tell im still hung up on ex. I had a business trip to NYC to tag up with sales to take a client out for drinks. I cant get this girl out of my head on the trip up. So to my surprise the rep is a hot single girl, but about 12 yrs younger. We go out and i forget all about the ex. Had a great time and even hit on her eventually rubbing her back and shoulders although fail at closing any further. I realize i have more work on myself and was totally unprepared but not going to pass up opportunity. So where do i go next? I'm not cured yet of the ex but it helped tremendously.

  5. #25
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Ok, no replies on last updates still need some help. I am trying, reading as much as i can as suggested, purchased guides, improving myself, going out and hitting on a few girls, been on a date, & have much hotter girls interested, however for reasons i cannot explain i still want to try to lure my ex back.

    I failed and broke NC Saturday as i'm still on FB when she posted "no job, no boyfriend, no worries......" I txt her about losing job and after a few back and forth she called, and we chatted for 5 mins about the friends/no friends thing, the fact she really has another job lined up and then proceeds to tell me everything going on with her for the next week just like when we were together. I said i had to go, good luck on job.

    Monday she chats me on FB that she checked out my profile to make sure i haven't deactivated again and noticed i had some female fans commenting on all my posts and was happy for me. (i never have been active on FB prior) Also asked if i had stayed with one of the women overnight before i came to her house a few weeks back. I have not responded.

    Next move????

  6. #26
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey man.

    Some girls can really get under your skin if you let them. These tend to be the type that blow hot and cold - the push/pull thing sort of becomes like an addiction. This is an addiction that you need to break because I need to tell you straight bro - she is not good for you. You know that. You also know you deserve (and will get!) someone better.

    You know what is happening here - it happened before. As soon as you start to move on, she pulls you back in. Then, when she thinks you like her, she pushes away again.

    The only way to get her back is to game her but she is just not worth it because she will do this to you again and again. Rinse, repeat, re-cycle until she gets bored again.

    Ok, you broke NC - big deal we have all done it at one point.

    If you are determined to lure her back, you need to keep unavailable and unpredictable. And you also need to keep doing what you are doing... Talking to other girls, having fun and moving on with your life. Make her chase you and if she doesn't, then it is her loss.

    That said; I strongly recommend letting this go because long-term there is only one outcome here and its not pretty.

    Good luck with whatever you decide bro.

  7. #27
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Latest update is Ex txt me asking about my move to ATL, said wanted to do something but nothing romantic....not ready for relationship...

    I did respond after a few hrs and we went back and forth with short txts. So i'm moved now and feeling higher anxiety by being closer to her. I'm not ready yet to intiate anything, so should i just wait and see if she txts me again?

  8. #28
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey man.

    You strike me as a nice guy and this girl is trying to keep you around for whatever reason, probably an ego boost.

    You obviousy do not want to be her friend and it seems that she is not right for you to date either.

    This is a one-sided relationship bro - she gets her ego boost and gets to keep you around. You, on the other hand, get picked up and dropped at her whim.

    Every time you go NC and you break it by communicating with her you are doing two things 1) you are not getting a chance to move on and 2) she knows she can hoover you back in whenever she likes.

    I am going to be really blunt here bro and I apologise in advance. This has dragged on far too long. Grow a pair of balls bro and cut her off properly. Stop letting your lack of self esteem allow yourself to be this girls emotional tampon.

    When she texts you again, tell her straight you cannot be her friend and you want all contact to stop. Then be a man and stick to your guns.

    You know yourself this is not going to go anywhere while she is in control so just stop. And do it now.

    Good luck bro and the next post from you on here should be about you meeting other girls and your ex regretting what she missed out on.

  9. #29
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hi, latest update. I have been out with a few other girls however I still gravitate back to wanting this one. I was married prior and never done this with a girl before. I found a hotter girl but it is no comparison

    So i went no contact for 2 weeks, then reached out via txt. She responded and eventually asked to do something fun: ride bikes or grab a bite to eat and chat. She said ok to dinner but only as friends. I said i just want her to be happy and said will be in touch. During the conversation, she specifically called me out for no contact saying that was the nail in the coffin, and i was acting childish and that allowed her to break ties with me. I am assuming she means sex here as that was a good bit of the basis of our relationship. I had this girl begging me to move in for 6 months and telling me she never loved anyone as much, her friends telling me the same, and then its gone cold after a petty fight that seemed like other prior. I did act like i didn't care about her at times and she said she wanted a commitment, ie like marriage, ring, etc..

    I don't want to give up but also realize its probably over for the time being, that she has found someone else to take my place at least for sex. Do i go ahead with dinner or just go away and see how i feel in 6 months? I want to show her i've changed but i think i have a better chance by just showing her friends that i see occasionally.

  10. #30
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey man.

    I'm struggling to say something here that I haven't already said tbh.

    I'm gonna try and cover the most important points one-by-one though and I hope this helps.

    I have been out with a few other girls however I still gravitate back to wanting this one.

    You are like I was - addicted to the push/pull and the emotional highs and lows this brings. But the basis of this is her emotional instability and she is no good for you. She will repeat this cycle in every relationship - you are no different.

    So i went no contact for 2 weeks, then reached out via txt.

    Every time you get back in touch you are lowering your value. She has you on a string bro. You know it, I know it and she knows it.

    she specifically called me out for no contact saying that was the nail in the coffin, and i was acting childish and that allowed her to break ties with me.

    Sorry but that is bull. When you break up with someone, you cut ties and move on. If either (or both) of you want to keep in contact after the break-up there is an ulterior motive. In her case, she knows you are a nice guy and she wants to keep you around in case she needs you. For you, it is the drama and the hot sex. Those are not compatible bro.

    I had this girl begging me to move in for 6 months and telling me she never loved anyone as much, her friends telling me the same, and then its gone cold after a petty fight that seemed like other prior. I did act like i didn't care about her at times and she said she wanted a commitment, ie like marriage, ring, etc..

    As I said, she is emotionally unstable. Possibly narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or a mix of all or some of the above. She is damaged goods bro.

    Do i go ahead with dinner or just go away and see how i feel in 6 months? I want to show her i've changed but i think i have a better chance by just showing her friends that i see occasionally.

    You have been relegated to a very lowly place in her friendzone. Do not take her to dinner - have some self respect bro. Sorry but I don't think you can keep NC for 6 weeks, let alone 6 months.

    If you are happy trying to be friends with a headark of a girl that is only interested in keeping you around to make her feel better, knock yourself out. Right now, all that is headed your way is more pain and confusion.

    I don't mean to be rude or hurtful here man because I feel your pain. I wish I could help but you need to help yourself here.

    Let go, grieve, learn from this debacle and move forward. And start now, please bro.

    Good luck.


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