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  1. #1
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need help with Girlfriend

    Hi newbie here just found the site and trying to asses my situation and formulate a plan. I've been reading everything i can this morning and need to post a question to help me along. Still learning all the lingo.

    I'm a 41 yr old male who was in a 2 yr relationship with 42 yr female. We live 1.5 hrs away so its always been long distance. I created the break by taking advantage, started to hook up with old girlfriend which she doesn't know about. I blew her off for 2 weeks, fighting, etc.. and realize what i had wasn't so bad.

    We are communicating via text only, she says we are on break while she thinks about what she wants but i'm positive she's chatting and going on dates with a guy who has been after her for a while.

    Have passed back and forth 2 texts a day for a week and at a point i'm not getting any more leverage moving foward. I sent her flowers for anniversary and v-day yesterday and she said thanks they are beautiful but shut me down after that saying had to go. I sent her text saying happy v-day this morning, she responded but very generic message.

    So do i just back away now and not initiate any more contact? Part of the issues we've had ongoing is my lack of responding due to being in long distance relationship and she felt neglected.

    thanks for any help.

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Hey.

    Tbh I think you have done more than enough for now. I also think you know what you are doing is not working.

    You need to stop contacting her - right now. Then see what happens. If she contacts you, don't reply for a good while - maybe even a day or two. It seems to me like she thinks she has you on a string and is losing interest.

    Make yourself unavailable and less predictable - you don't need to be nice all the time.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Ok, so i'm still studying and realizing I actually have a different problem; or maybe i'm just coming around to reality.

    GF mentioned earlier contacts me yesterday. I ignored for a while but eventually took one. She starts asking all kinds of questions but still mentioning we are not together and then flip flopping that there may be a chance and wants me to call tomorrow.

    At this point my attitude shifted where as soon as she hints there might be a chance, i don't really give a crap anymore and start thinking of all the negatives of why we were fighting, and why am i talking to this girl. i just said i had to go and left it at that even though the other feelings of panic are creeping back in. I think i just wanted the upper hand to boost my ego, what's the best path forward?

  4. #4
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    It sounds like you are doing fine but you need to stay in control. You kept the conversation short and that's good.

    If you agreed to speak to her tomorrow, then do it. Do not go back on your word. But be relaxed and if she starts any crap, cut it short and freeze her out.

    If she just said she wanted to talk tomorrow but you were non-commital then don't bother. Let her wonder what is going on with you - for a change.

    Basically stop being so available and do not under any circumstances chase her.

    Right now you have control - do not relinquish that and you can walk away with dignity if you need to.

    Well done so far!

  5. #5
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Ok, i didn't call yesterday. She knew i was flying for business today. So when i landed, had a txt mssg saying she never heard from me, hoped i was ok and to have a nice trip.

    So what should i do to stay in control?

    Something like,

    Had a hot date. Just landed, lots of snow. Chat later?

    Or just ignore?

  6. #6
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Good man - very well done. You are still in control - keep it going - just don't let it slip now.

    She knows you are away on business I presume so I wouldn't say you had a hot date and I wouldn't add a smiley. Let her 2nd guess what is happening - she can use her imagination about what is going on with you.

    I would definitely reply but keep it short and simple and serious. Something along the lines of 'sorry we didn't get a chance to talk, trip is good but very busy. Lots happening. Speak soon'. Obviously she knows your way of communicating by now so choose your own words but you get the drift I'm sure. Be unavailable. The old 'speak soon' is a bit of a cliffhanger - she'll wonder if that means you do actually want to talk or are brushing her off.

    Someone explained to me once about why diamonds are valuable - they are scarce. From your posts, it seems like you are a nice guy but you can still be a diamond.

    The ball is in your court now - you can walk away with the ego boost you wanted - she is obviously interested. Or you can keep it going - but on your terms instead of hers.

    The key thing here is not to initiate contact and be unpredictable. When she texts you, wait an hour or two sometimes before replying. But sometimes reply straight away. Other times, when she says a statement instead of a question you don't need to reply at all.

    If she goes quiet for a while, look at it as a sort of test and make sure you pass it. Do not initiate contact with her right now. There is a time for opening up and communicating more but this is not it.

    You are doing real good here - keep it going and keep your discipline at all costs. If you chase, your ego boost is out the window and you are back to square one.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

  7. #7
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Update:

    Took advice to be unavailable. I'm still on business trip. She calls me up Tuesday evening saying she still cares, loves me, but can't go back to having a bad relationship and that we need to talk to sort things out. I was at a company party and she starting inquiring about if women were there and didn't want me to sleep with another girl.

    So we trade a few txts on Wed and i actually sense she is gaming me, trying to keep me from hooking up and available to her if something else doesn't work out for her. So i fly back in last night and usually stay with her as i live 1.5 hrs away.

    Txt'd "Landed, In Atlanta, no more snow"

    She responds "Be safe driving home"

    I think for a minute about being blocked out. Respond with "Staying in Atl, having dinner with sales reps"

    She then responds "Ok, i would say stay here but i just don't want that until we talk thru stuff. I hope and deep down know u understand. I'm too busy with things right now, and do not want to end up sleeping with you until we sort things out. Maybe we can meet somewhere this weekend"

    so that's where it stands, i didn't reply back and don't plan to.

  8. #8
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    OK, bit of a setback here. You are being unavailable so you can't text her expecting (or hoping) to stay over. That let's her know you still want her and gives her control back. You cannot do that bro because now the tables have turned again. But it's recoverable so don't sweat it.

    When you were away and unavailable, she was wondering what was going on and she tried to co**-block you and keep you on a string. That was why she said she wants to talk things out.

    Of course she is gaming you but you are gaming her too bro - that's all good as long as you play to win. And walk away if it is too much hassle or a no-win situation.

    This is good though because now you have an insight into how her mind works. When she thinks you are not interested, she gets interested in you. When she thinks you are still interested in her, she loses interest in you. A classic case of wanting what you can't have and losing interest when you get it. The cat-string theory I think some people call it.

    So you are back to being unavailable but this time be consistent - when she contacts you act disinterested and make her work for your attention.

    Btw, from your mail I think you are beginning to wonder if this is worth it. Think about that bro and maybe you should stop acting disinterested and actually BE disinterested.

    Overall you've done well - just keep doing what you know will make her chase you and you'll be fine.

  9. #9
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    last update:

    She called a few times and i ignored. Answered one and she gave me the break up speech. I didn't say much but said thank you for opening my eyes to living my life and i'm moving on. She went on about wanting to be friends and got kind of angry when i didn't give much feedback, said i had to go and she hung up on me.

    Anyway time to move on. I do have some oneitis creeping in big time and will have a slight struggle. I've blocked newsfeed in facebook, etc.. I work a lot so i don't get out much so i'll focus on me, get in shape and time will tell.

  10. #10
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with Girlfriend

    Ok, something odd has come up. The girls sister txt'd me this morning as we actually talk occasionally and didn't know what was up. i just told her we broke up, i was busy, moving on.

    So she comes back later saying i'm throwing in the towel too soon and i should be 'friends' with her sister saying we can repair things but i have to show her i'm better by being a best friend.

    I don't want to be friends nor inflame the sister either so i think its best i don't respond.

    thoughts?.


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