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  1. #1
    Jack123abc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Ahh Lets try get her back

    Thanks for reading and offering advice....

    Summary:
    Broke up with ex 4.5 months ago, nothing bad happened (cheating etc) just think her feelings started to change and she got scared (Friends warned me of this).
    Have had limited contact since then, coffee 6 weeks after BU (went well until she turned talk to relationship, hindsight = big mistake) and handful of text messages.
    Last message was last week asking her to catch up but she declined with still don't think its a good idea... have since found out that this week she has started to see another guy (not fussed), which her friend so nicely volunteered at the pub last night.

    So during the break up I've been on many dates (20+) and really have just forgotten about the ex, worked out and returned to hobbies I enjoy... until the past couple of weeks (hence the recent message to her).

    Recently (last 2 week) I've had this urge to contact her and try again with her.... and I can't say why but I just want to try. I'm really a different person to the one 4.5 months ago and know this will be well received.

    I'm not scared of being rejected or the other guy... I know if I get in front of her I've got a really good chance of a second chance (and if not ohh well I tried)

    So thoughts on best approach?
    Given that I messaged her last week I'm going to wait another week or so but thoughts on best approach to catch up with her.

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ahh Lets try get her back

    Hey man.

    Good info.

    First of all, ask yourself why you really want her back at all. You said you were over her but your mate said last night she was seeing someone else. Now all of a sudden you want her back.

    Seems to me like this might be classic case of wanting what you can't have.

    Right now it seems like you have very little chance of getting her back because 1) she knows you want her back by your actions i.e. keeping in touch and 2) she is seeing someone else.

    The pattern that happened with you (really likes you then losing interest) will happen with the new guy too. And it would happen with you again even if you do get her back.

    Right now you need to stop all contact and move on properly and you can't do that by keeping in touch. No texting, no talking, no e-mails and definitely no Facebook - it is poison when you are trying to get over someone.

    Let it go. Let things run their course with this guy. If she wants you back, she will let you know but make her work for it.

    Keep going on other dates and forgetting about her for now is your only option.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    canuckkk is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ahh Lets try get her back

    "Let it go. Let things run their course with this guy. If she wants you back, she will let you know but make her work for it."

    The better man will mostly likely win. Jack, im in the same situation as you, where my ex jumped ship to a new guy which hurt me alot after our break up (as I felt no appreciation for all that I did). But ive grown to accept it and realized that she passed up the god that I am, and sometimes women need to patch themselves up by grabbing rebounds. In terms this new dude my ex found is some casual catch for her judging how my ex is only living in my city for university and not as a permanent resident.

    If it was meant to be, our ex's will want to come back to us after testing the waters with whomever. Picture it this way, what it would be like for her once YOU have a new special someone in your life, and showing additional signs of being top dog? Chances are that's when she will go through "wanting what she cant have" and when the honey moon period of her relationship is ceasing.

    Right now she can hit you up whenever and knows your still there, she needs to feel the loss, its not going to be right away but she will feel it eventually and that's when you should be in your prime and have finally moved on. All the best man!

  4. #4
    Jack123abc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Ahh Lets try get her back

    Thanks heaps for your replies.

    Just to clarify things the feeling to get back in contact and try again with the ex came before I knew she was seeing someone... so its not a case of wanting what I can't have.

    I know your advice is solid and has merits i.e. let her come back to you when she's ready but the problem with this is I know my ex will never make the first move. So... my thinking (which is often wrong in these types of situations ) is approach her when I'm ready (i.e. been dating, had some new experiences and had a good think about what I want). To be honest prior to the past 2 weeks (ish) the past 2 months I've hardly thought about her and have been out doing my own thing.

    Once we are back in contact etc I'm fine (and pretty good) at the push / pull game but its getting to that initial stage.

  5. #5
    canuckkk is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ahh Lets try get her back

    hahah your ex sounds similar to mine, where she was very indecisive and usually our opinions and motives were better than theirs. I felt the same way, in thinking that my ex would never come to that stage or do anything about it. Only time will tell, maybe down the road I'd pull a movie scene on her and show up at her door step in a year from now after secretly flying out to her city, who knows. When you feel your 100% emotionally stable and all your eggs are not in one basket, go what you want to do. This site is great for opinions and showcasing road maps, but at the end of the day do what you feel is right. I respect your decision and hope if you do decide to re-engage to keep us posted! So we can all better learn from post NC

  6. #6
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ahh Lets try get her back

    Hey bro.

    I understand what you are saying. You were wondering if you should get back in touch anyway. But then you hear she is seeing someone else. All I am saying is that might have spurred you into wanting to get in touch now. That could be your emotions kicking in - don't let them take over bro.

    I wouldn't contact her for a while and especially if she refused a chance to catch up with you a week ago. Presumably things are going ok with this other guy and she doesn't think the timing is right to see you. You need to respect that and (more importantly) make sure you don't give her the chance to reject you again.

    Give it at least another 2 or 3 weeks before contacting her again. When you do, do not ask her to meet up. You know this girl better than anybody so you know how to play it BUT do not chase her. If you do, it is game over.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.


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