Hey guys. I don't know how to organize what I want to say, but I am going to try my best. I am here because my ex broke up with me twice (nothing serious; just a lot of doubt on her part) and I really want to get back with her.
Here's the story: My ex and I had been dating for about 8 months, and then she dropped the bomb on me--she wanted a breakup. The circumstance at the time was that she had been away on vacation for 1.5 months in a different country. During this time, we could not spend time together, go on dates, nothing; we only chatted over Skype. I was happy whenever I got the chance to vidchat her, but it would suck that I'd have to wake up at 3 am every morning to do it. At the time, I had a summer internship (I'm in college) that required me to wake up at 7 am every morning. A lot of the times we spoke, I was really cranky, which made my ex feel less appreciated. The only reason I was so cranky was because I was losing sleep! I explained that to her and she still felt it was not a good "excuse" (even though it was the truth). Basically, when she got back home, my ex said she felt like we were growing apart and that she can't see herself being with one person so early in her life. (We're both only 20 years old.) However, I conviced her that she couldnt just throw away our relationship because of the difficulties of temporary long distance. So she gave us another chance.
Four months later, my ex brings up the idea of breaking up. This is when my heart sunk. During these 4 months, I could feel us drifting apart. I could have seen this talk coming, but I just ignored the signs, thinking things would eventually get better. We were always joking around one another (which was great) and were never really serious (we would do this thing where we only spoke to each other in funny accents). In a way, we sort of became "bros." This girl is really gorgeous, so the attraction was always there. I just think we stopped communicating with each other about how much we loved being together. We stopped having sex for a bit because I became a little depressed (I'm trying to go to med school, so I try to focus on my work as much as possible). My ex felt that I was too invested in work and less invested in doing fun things/going on dates with her. I stopped buying her gifts, teased her a lot, and just acted completely out of character. My stress over that 4 month period definitely contributed to a lot of arguments and prolonged periods of silence between us two.
Saying this, I can completely understand that I was not the best boyfriend I could have been. I treated her right, showed her that I loved her, but my stress just messed things up. BACK TO THE BREAKUP: My ex's reasons for breaking up with me were numerous:
1) she feels that we have different hobbies, which could make it hard for us to do things together (ex: she likes hiking and backpacking while I like watching/playing sports and hanging out doing dumb sh*t with friends); she also hated when I chose to stay home and watch football instead of hanging with her
2) she is unsure about her sexuality (which came completely out of left field); she's been with guys her whole life and I am 100% sure this is some bullshit excuse to let me down easy.
3) she can't see herself being with her first boyfriend forever (even though I never brought this idea up during our relationship. I think she is great enough to be my life partner, but I never gave off that idea when I was with her)
Can you guys help me out? I want to find out if these are legitimate reasons or if the way I acted caused her to lose interest in me. I was very confused when she told me all these things. What confused me more was when she explicitly stated she wanted to be friends with me. In doing this, I think she wants to have me around just in case she changes her mind about us being compatible. What do you guys think her intentions were for saying this? I want to get her back because I have a lot of insight as to what went wrong and feel like I can improve our relationship.
But there's more. Ever since the breakup, she's been spending a lot of time with one of her good guy friends from home. I knew him during our relationship, and I know he's a nice guy, but I just hate the thought of her being with another guy when I truly believe she and I can work. They went on a road trip together and are going backpacking for Spring Break (the way I know this is because she told me; I have been doing NC for a while but she brought it up when I saw her the other day). I'm pretty sure the guy has feelings for her and I'm sure she is very close to him as well. Is this just a rebound type thing? Maybe she just fell for the first guy who gave her the same attention I used to give her, right?
Anyway, I would really appreciate some advice on the right steps to get her back. Since the breakup, I have been exercising and even got some new clothes. My ex has even complimented me on the fact that I lost some weight, and numerous times, she has said, "Nice pants!" or "I really like your outfit." There was a period where we didn't talk for 2 weeks, but I caved and agreed to her friendship proposal, thinking it would make me be the better person and because I had been doing a lot better emotionally. However, since that friend agreement, we've spent zero time together. Should I just shift into complete NC or should I stay along and be her friend?
Thanks for all your help!!