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  • 1 Post By resistence

Thread: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

  1. #1
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    Question Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    Hey folks,

    I was in a long distance relationship for about 1.4 years. I am 28, she is 25. Met her in a club and after a couple of great weekends she wanted to be my girlfriend and after careful consideration, I agreed and it has been a blast since, wonderful, good, good times.

    After 8 months she did something strange. My friends and we went to a club, good times, dancing, everything. All of a sudden she tells me: 'I am bored' while I am right in the middle of playing darts with my friends so I suggest her to dance with the other friends we are with on the dance floor. She starts crying and rushes out of the club. Note: We are in my town, she has no keys to my place. Nothing. I am like fark, this is crazy, and run after her. She completely loses it but eventually I calm her down. Turns out she has been adopted, two times and struggles with that, her last boy friend treated her not good and now she wants to face those issues.

    1 month later. We cuddle in my bed, all good, and out of nothing, she starts to cry again. She saw a wallpaper on my dekstop pc - they constantly change and are always covered by my chrome browser window so you only see a small part of the picture - the picture was just a random hipster girl pic on it. Note: The picture has been on my harddrive for ever and she must have seen it countless times. She asks me to delete all those picture, I tell her that there is no reason, she is above all those woman who can never amount to her.

    2 month pass. We argue way more than before and she always starts it for dubious reasons. Generally speaking: There is something wrong but she wont tell me and I just cant figure it out.

    ---
    Last weekend we were supposed to meet, I tell her to arrive at 6. She says she would want to come at 4 and I tell her I cant make 4 and 6 should be fine since we have four days of pleasure ahead of us. Huge fight starts on the phone, I tell its better to discus this face to face.

    So she arrives at 7, no kiss, no hug, nothing. She is in tears. Guess she wants to break up. She says, and I quote, 'You never support me'. I go berserk, tell her how disrespectful her words are and ask for an apology. She apologies and so do I for not seeing her earlier on Friday. All seams good, we go out, only the two of us, we both agree that this was important for our relationship. She called her best female friend though, which I caught by accident, something like 'cant believe it, its all good, we are still together, I thought I would be single by now'.

    1.5 days pure happiness, in my arms she tells me how much of a good man I am and how happy she is to have me. I tell her I love her. She loves me too, she says. We make lots of plans for the next weekend.

    On Sunday we wake up. It is our No-Hook-Up-Day since we hook up A LOT in our relationship. She wants to but I tell her to get off, it is our NHUD. She gets up, sees a part 'of the picture' on my desktop pc again and is complete silent. Tears in her eyes. We go for a walk as we had planned. Lots of accusations from her. I tell her it might be better for her to leave for today.

    She says (without hesitation): No, its better when we never see each other again and end the relationship forever. I am shocked, turn around and cant say a word and walk away. She whispers: 'You only need to apologize'. We arrive at my place where she starts to pack ALL HER stuff, even her used tooth brush. At the door she says she regrets deeply what she just said and how very much she loves me but just cant be in our relationship. I am still shocked.

    5 hours later she writes me a msg on Facebook how much she still loves me, she cant bear the thought of me ever falling in love with another girl and that she is sorry for not meeting my requirements to a relationship. She wishes me all the best and so on, and so on and that she the wants the relationship to end. She deletes me on Facebook and so does her best female friend.

    This has happened two days ago I am still shocked, it all ended so quickly. What would you guys do? Every answer/tip, means A LOT to me. Thanks in advance guys.
    Last edited by KristiBell; 03-06-2013 at 08:00 AM. Reason: explicit

  2. #2
    CrazySpaniard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    Hey amigo!!!

    Look, i don't come with a advise for get her back. Sorry. But u maybe don't need too...she seem's that have some kind of problem inside, maybe depresion or something like that...cuz her acts are not normal. Once could be normal, you know, period...but so many times she cry, claming your atention...and now...BOooOOom! She delete u on facebook??? No men, its something wrong here. U seems a responsable and smart guy, try to understand what happen here, but don't go after her too much. It could damage u a lot

    Salut

  3. #3
    resistence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    Thanks a lot Crazyspaniard. Good advice and wise words from a wise man!

    Keep it up :-)

  4. #4
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    Wise words. It's a shame but this girl clearly has some really serious issues.

    She needs time to get her head together bro. And while she is the way she is right now, she is in danger of dragging you down with her.

    All you can do is accept her decision and her issues/illness and let it go.

    Her issues are her issues bro and, with the best will in the world, there is nothing you can do to help her.

    Make sure you look after yourself and staying away from her while she deals with whatever is wrong is best for you and her.

  5. #5
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    I actually think she is shit testing you.... Here's why:

    Her biological parents abandoned her, in a babies mind this means almost certain death, but in our "civilized" world, we just feed adopted kids through the system and it ends up as a crap shoot.

    Next, her first foster family gave up, for whatever reason. I don't know I don't really care. This is the second message that tells her, "her genes aren't good enough"...

    Etc., etc.

    It's a cycle in her life that she relives because she is insecure. I really don't see this as her fault, it is social conditioning by what the world has told her. Which is why she told you she didn't meet YOUR requirements for a relationship. What she needs is to learn how to pick herself up and harden the f*ck up already... How you teach her this I am not sure, wait for the experts to chime in. Also go No Contact for a month or two...

    Just my .02

  6. #6
    resistence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    Damn Monoposto, I talked to a lot of PUA dudes and you are the first one to come through with this 'view' on the stuff that happened.

    Also EVERY single dude I talked to advised me not to contact her again.

    /edit:

    Thanks guys for all the replies. Means the world to me

  7. #7
    CriticalRap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girl says its over but still loves me - How to act?

    I recently broke up with my girlfriend also and a lot of the reasons you just said have came up. She would start MASSIVE fights with me for doing anything wrong, for example it was my buddies 20th birthday party and he rented out a local club. There were security on the door so anyone under the age of 18 couldn't get in. (I live in the UK) My girlfriend is 17 and I'm 19. So she goes off into town with a couple of her friends and tells me to stay. When I get home later on, she is PISSED at me, won't even talk to me. Why? Because I left her and didn't text her. My phone hadn't been working and I told her that, she was still pissed at me, now she's crying and sh*t. Earlier on the same day she said she didn't want to come, even though she agreed weeks in advance that she would, which annoyed me. (She had a tendency to say she'll do something, get what she wants, and then not do it.) So I got annoyed and pretty much forced her to come. Which probably made things worse when she didn't get in. Next day, everythings fine again.

    I know she is depressed as she told me, and I think she was just taking it out on me. Same kinda thing your girl was doing to you.

    So she starts another huge argument yesterday resulting in our break up. At the end of a long heartfelt break, she asks me not to disappear to which I said I can't do that and I need some space. This was at 11am in the morning by 12am that night she had texted me again, saying she wants a cuddle. It's not even been 24 hours and she's already tried to get into the space that I've asked for, just like your girls decided she wants you to "Just say sorry".

    Honestly bud, you know when a girl says "it's not you, it's me"? With my girl and yours, it seems like they are the problem. They both seek validation from us, and a huge amount of it.

    If you want her back, take her back (after a period of no contact of course) but you meet on your terms, this time you layout the foundation and you call the shots. She has to know it's not okay for her to take it out on you, but you are there for her if she needs you. At the end of the day, her issues aren't really your issues, they certainly aren't anymore anyway.

    I don't know about your girl, but mine seems to have a lot of the traits of someone with NPD (Google if you don't know). Which is making me question, do I even want her back...?

    I'm no expert, but this thread is gold http://www.puaforums.com/how-get-you...r-ex-back.html

    I'm just really getting to grips with this stuff, any criticism to what I've said is more than welcome.

    Best of luck to you


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