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  1. #1
    canuckkk is offline PUA in Training
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    Default dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    Hey guys. This is not a post about wanting my ex back, however it does pertain to something unusual I've noticed happening to me lately because OF my ex.

    So a quick run down, ex and I had broken up in November very messy and alot of emotions back and forth, after dating for a year (one-itis) and share some mutual and university social friends and obviously attend the same campus. She had moved on and starting seeing someone new immediately and still is with the same guy. Now I dont have strong feelings for her nor am I desperate to get her back as ive continued a couple months of NC consistently.

    The issue at hand is that on given days on campus, and I mean given as in once or twice every 2-3 weeks I happen to cross paths with my ex. Whether its a walk-by in the halls or a quick simple greeting while she is among other common friends, and even the idea and gut feeling that im about to see her going past my direction, seems to be causing a minor anxiety attack inside of me. (SIDE NOTE, I dont let it physically phase me, I still present my life as a highly as I can when put into these situations, and always have a big smile on my face when in contact)

    More specifically when I do get a visual or see her sitting a couple rows down from the study area my heart starts pounding, literally out of my chest and my heart rate sky rockets and I feel nervous and very anxious, not to the point where im self destructing, but enough for me to feel out of place, but keeping cool and giving no external signs of distress. I dont hold any major grudges, nor do I crave for her to be back in my life. Could this be repressed emotions, has anyone else gone through this? At some points I want her to notice me, and be wary of my presence but for no cause and purpose. Thoughts would be awesome!

  2. #2
    Icarus's Avatar
    Icarus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    It seems to me that she ended the relationship, and your sudden and stable replacement instilled a sense of inadequacy.

    A lot of people get nervous seeing their ex's; don't stress it too much, just don't attribute your own self image to the rejection of a girl who obviously didn't care too much about you in the first place.
    Rule Number 1: You are not a PUA.

  3. #3
    canuckkk is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
    It seems to me that she ended the relationship, and your sudden and stable replacement instilled a sense of inadequacy.

    A lot of people get nervous seeing their ex's; don't stress it too much, just don't attribute your own self image to the rejection of a girl who obviously didn't care too much about you in the first place.
    You're right, she was the one who wanted to end things after I had to drag it out of her insecure behind. Sounds good

  4. #4
    citizen416 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    go and f another chick bro. you'll feel amazing. i took your advice from my thread and mixed it in with getting a massage from RMT to ease anxiety and then going and screwing a hottie... what ex?

  5. #5
    Sparta is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    For 2 years a good friend of mine has been having major anxiety attacks for no apparent reason, he's tried medication and even hypnotherapy to no avail. I didnt think much of it until my split with the ex.

    At any given time inconsistently for about a month I'd be sat at home and my blood pressure would suddenly shoot through the roof and id panic, everything would go like tunnel vision. It all passes over time but I think the key is to understand why and accept it

  6. #6
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    Canuckk. I met these 2 girls - saw one for a while who was a total headfark then saw the other one for a while and it nearly got real serious. But they were both very bad news and I ditched the 2nd one.

    About two weeks after dumping the 2nd one, both of them walked into a pub I was in and I had a very similiar reaction - stomach churning - heart beating fast etc. I guess thats natural if you liked someone but it didn't work out.

    Although at first I felt terrible, on the way to the gents I stopped and said hello and watched them both squirm. That felt great and it was even better when they disappeared real quick in a taxi -it obviously freaked them out as well!

    You're doing fine - what you feel inside is not obvious so just keep being confident and show her that you are not bothered by her presence.

    This is nothing to worry about, it's just part of the moving on process.

  7. #7
    canuckkk is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Learning The Ropes View Post
    Canuckk. I met these 2 girls - saw one for a while who was a total headfark then saw the other one for a while and it nearly got real serious. But they were both very bad news and I ditched the 2nd one.

    About two weeks after dumping the 2nd one, both of them walked into a pub I was in and I had a very similiar reaction - stomach churning - heart beating fast etc. I guess thats natural if you liked someone but it didn't work out.

    Although at first I felt terrible, on the way to the gents I stopped and said hello and watched them both squirm. That felt great and it was even better when they disappeared real quick in a taxi -it obviously freaked them out as well!

    You're doing fine - what you feel inside is not obvious so just keep being confident and show her that you are not bothered by her presence.

    This is nothing to worry about, it's just part of the moving on process.
    Right again ropes, I forgot to note, the odd times I have ran into my ex she does feel out of place and looks to immediately get away from me. Her facial expression goes from smiling to as if she's seen a ghost when her eyes land on my beautiful face, haha for reasons I'll never understand since ive done nothing but mind my own business and keep no contact. As for this being temporary, you are absolutely right, just a process of finally moving on for good.

  8. #8
    Gonzo's Avatar
    Gonzo is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: dont want her back but Anxiety strikes?

    Thinking back, if I'm honest this has only happened when I wasn't properly over someone who split with me, and it always goes away completely when I start seeing someone new who takes my interest in the same way. I bump into girls from time to time whose very presence has in the past made my heart leap into my throat, but now when I see them I'm like 'what was the big deal?'. It doesn't necessarily mean you miss them or want them back, it's more like you feel cheated because you gave them the power to make you feel like that.

    What I worked hard to do, and I'm still working hard on (with mixed results, given my other post that I'm writing), is trying to get away from defining myself by who's on my arm, putting more value in me and not in girls/relationships. Achieve that and you'll be a champion of life.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.


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