Hi all, in august of last year I lost my ex girlfriend.
I guess the problems started with her family (and the problems there) From what I gathered, her family loved me. I used to help her parents, her little brother and sister adored me. and my ex was crazy about me until her dad moved out (as he would on a regular basis he would always come back, 'move out' and come back again. I'd heard about the news - according to her, this row was the worst one yet.
Anyway, I offered to come round. I wanted to comfort her because she sounded upset and stressed about everything. I wanted to take that pain away for her and be there for her - I even said she could come round for a few nights just until the worst was over.
Turns out her mum 'needed' her and I wasn't allowed round. Now, I questioned this.. Why would her mum say this? she loved having me round and I made her daughter happy.
I went to see her one day but she asked me to leave, she pretty much shunned me and it hurt. Her excuses came thick and fast.. I have a headache, I feel sick ect. I pointed out that she didn't seem very interested anymore over the internet. she also seemed to be hiding a few things. I got this in reply:
go on at me when ya see me.
I dont need this and you know that
show me that respect"
Just a week before she said 'She'd never leave me' and 'she loves me so much' but on the night I went to get my laptop back, she shoved it in my hand and shut the door in my face. I could kind of see the signs but I was hoping for the best. She told her dad to break us up over text and I got the text later that night.
It reduced me to tears, she didn't even explain that, but she confirmed it over the phone an hour later.
I had palpitations for the first time that night and it scarred me, every day since I've had some sort of anxiety attack up to the point where it has become a disorder. I broke down the next day and phoned her up, she was spiteful when I told her I wanted to see her. breaking up like that after a year and two months was pathetic in my eyes and I just wanted to reconcile with her. She wouldn't have it.
Since then she has tried to turn my friends against me, threatened to call the police over a message that was quite tame compared to the things I wanted to say and called me numerous times behind my back even when I tried to forgive her for what I'd done. I was totally convinced this was all my fault at the time.
I know I deserve better but she triggered my panic attacks and I miss the sweet side of her before she became all bitter. I haven't seen her in months, I'd like to know if she's changed and if she still has feelings for me. I've developed agoraphobia and a massive depression as well as social anxiety, my friends abandoned me and I rarely see my family (besides my parents) I've considered drinking my problems away but I doubt that will help anything. I can't get a new girlfriend in this state and I can't even find ways to improve after trying therapy and regular doctor visits.
Does anyone know what I can do? I just feel lost right now. Thanks.