Hi Pua forum members..
I've pretty much been a lurker here but I am in a bit of a situation and wanted advice.
So I started dating a girl I met online about 5 months ago and everything was really good up until Saturday when out of the blue she ended it. We hadn't had any arguments/warning signs up to that point, so it came as a shock, and has hit me pretty hard..
We met up 1-2 times a week from the start of the 5 month relationship which wasn't ideal, but we always kept in touch and spoke by text pretty much all day.. good morning/good night, and all throughout the day, so everything was really strong.
Her reasons for ending it were "I am not sure if I am going to get into uni and I am not sure where my life is going.. I'll only up up hurting you. I am not "crazy in love" I sometimes think I love you, then I don't, I'm confused".
The really weird thing is she always insists she loved me since day 1 and was the person who said it first, and the most, and even said it in person 1 week before the breakup.. and up until that Saturday she would text me and initiate conversation non stop, but at the moment she has school most days and assignments when she isn't in school/the stress of potentially not getting into uni and having to retake her whole year. I don't know if this is causing her to be like this or what it is. We didn't speak till Sunday night afterwards and she said "I need a break to see how I really feel, at the moment I love and miss you". So I asked, "do you want to not speak for a few days for a break?" and she said "No, i missed us not talking today, I miss you".
Now since then most of my friends have just said leave her well alone, make her miss you, etc..which I am pretty bad at doing. We don't speak much now, but I usually message her good morning/ask her how her days been, and have asked her if shes done thinking, but my timing has been poor since shes studying so much at the moment and I never know when a good time is.
What do you guys advise doing? Every time I talk to her she seems to change her mind. The other night I said "Perhaps its best if we don't talk for a few weeks so we can have a real break", and she instantly texted back, "what, no, i want to talk, lets try again please", then the next morning she says shes thinking n stuff.. then another time "let's try again" then another time, "i dont think i can be in a relationship right now"
I'm pretty poor with self control and usually get the urge to message her (it's so hard when you've been speaking daily for 5 months and were so close to someone, and being in the situation where you don't know which way it's going to go is worse I think than knowing its over). I'm pretty much messing up here due to that part, is there any solution apart from just blanking her now and praying she starts to initiate conversation/misses me? There was absolutely no build up to the breakup and it came out of the blue..up until the night before everything was friendly/happy/normal chats, no signs of anything.
Is there any actual way to do this without the blanking? acting friendly? talking a little? what would you advise to do. In most cases I'd just give up, if it had a build up and we genuinely weren't getting on, but it's so strange as it came out of the blue over lunch..I couldn't have predicted it, and the fact she has changed her mind, said she loves me, misses me, then doesn't/doesn't know.. makes me think it's worth trying again/attempting to get her back. I fear if I message her to much though I'll come across desperate and end up pushing her away, making her think I'm a crazy obsessive person. It's hard.
What do you think my chances are? Day 1: I think it's better we're apart, I'm sorry. Day 2: I need space to see my feelings, at the moment I love and miss u" Day 3: We can try again, I don't want to not talk. Day 4: 30 minute text conversation, from I can't be in a relationship to "I need time to think". Her mind changes daily pretty much and it's driving me insane not knowing.