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  1. #1
    The1 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    6 year relationship. Known her 10+ years. Had a very good connection. Lived together for 3 years. Went through our ups and downs. She often talked about wanting to get married. I wasn't ready. Instead of stepping up, I cheated on her during a rough time for us. She found out, "tried to forgive me" but "couldn't" and we broke up. I moved out. That was 3 months ago. The first month or 2 I begged like bum for her to give me another chance. She started talking to other guys immediately, and has been dating one pretty consistently since. I've accepted thats what i deserve. I got my sh1t together and am ready to commit to her, or move on. I've tried to go NC but she will call or text me daily. Often asking for favors, advice, or random questions. I've told her I don't want to be just friends, and that we shouldn't talk if she is talking to other guys. She sometimes says things like "if we ever got back together..." We have hung out a few times since the break up. Always goes well. Fooled around once. Havent hung out in a month. Still tells me how depressed she is and how no other guy has given her the same connection. Confused on if I should ignore her calls/texts and go NC or if I should be talking to her n going with the flow/trying to earn trust back. For the last month I never initiate the contact. I do want to start over with her and marry this woman. Not going to be her back up plan. If she hears about me with another woman it will be over. Do I get on my best behavior, stay in contact, and ride it out (hasn't worked yet although I was going out with friends before n she would hear about it), go NC, or just move on? Any advice would be much appreciated. My #1 goal is to get back together. I am prepared for any option. I'm no scrub and am ready to get back in the game if need be.

    I have learned a lot from this site the last few days.
    Thank you for any advice, info, or input.

    The1

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by The1 View Post
    6 year relationship. Known her 10+ years. Had a very good connection. Lived together for 3 years. Went through our ups and downs. She often talked about wanting to get married. I wasn't ready. Instead of stepping up, I cheated on her during a rough time for us. She found out, "tried to forgive me" but "couldn't" and we broke up. I moved out. That was 3 months ago. The first month or 2 I begged like bum for her to give me another chance. She started talking to other guys immediately, and has been dating one pretty consistently since. I've accepted thats what i deserve. I got my sh1t together and am ready to commit to her, or move on. I've tried to go NC but she will call or text me daily. Often asking for favors, advice, or random questions. I've told her I don't want to be just friends, and that we shouldn't talk if she is talking to other guys. She sometimes says things like "if we ever got back together..." We have hung out a few times since the break up. Always goes well. Fooled around once. Havent hung out in a month. Still tells me how depressed she is and how no other guy has given her the same connection. Confused on if I should ignore her calls/texts and go NC or if I should be talking to her n going with the flow/trying to earn trust back. For the last month I never initiate the contact. I do want to start over with her and marry this woman. Not going to be her back up plan. If she hears about me with another woman it will be over. Do I get on my best behavior, stay in contact, and ride it out (hasn't worked yet although I was going out with friends before n she would hear about it), go NC, or just move on? Any advice would be much appreciated. My #1 goal is to get back together. I am prepared for any option. I'm no scrub and am ready to get back in the game if need be.

    I have learned a lot from this site the last few days.
    Thank you for any advice, info, or input.


    The1
    Sometimes we put value on some girls just because they have shown us a lot but i tell you the way a women wil react to you is based on you.Its your world.As a man never mistake this for love or else it may not end well.
    Some women are good but you must train yourself to see and be receptive to them as long as they are to you.See yourself as the prize have some expectations that must be met.If nothing at least this girl no matter what happened has not being good.

    This girl is with another man so you need to think of yourself.Go out and meet girls man.Don't shut the door to leave with a woman who may cheat on you just to get back at you over and over again.Move on!!

  3. #3
    Winmau is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    To leave a relationship that long cant be easy and so by staying in contact with you it is slowly softening the blow. No contact always has effect if used wisely and no matter what your ex does, after a 6 year relationship you will both rely on each others prescence to a degree. I suggest go completely no contact for a while, 2/3/4 weeks (Its hard but effective). She will feel a sudden sense of loss with nothing to fall back on. My thoughts anyway.

  4. #4
    The1 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    Soon as I miss a couple calls or don't reply she gets mad and says sh!t like "u will regret this". Ive also got the "we need to talk" texts after a couple days of NC. It obviously gets to her rather quickly. Only reason I didn't already go complete NC is because I cheated and feel like goin NC will confirm to her that Im not dedicated. She also has a big ego. We are supposed to chill on Saturday. If it doesn't happen I'm planning on going NC?

  5. #5
    Winmau is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    I think thats a good thing! She is angry because she still cares about you but still feels very much in control over you. I think i bit longer NC will make that anger turn to sadness because she may realise she is not in control of you and actually stands a chance of loosing you.

  6. #6
    Winmau is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    But if she wants to meet then by all means do so

  7. #7
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Ex won't let go! Step up or move on?

    Honestly it sounds like she is a bit of a control freak..
    Making "threats" & ultimatums...Using emotional extortion/blackmail...

    My ex wife was that way.
    I saw the red flags after we dated for a couple months... but I chose to ignore them. (BIG MISTAKE!!! BIG!!)

    They don't change. They apologize just enough to win you over again & then set you up so they can knock you back down.

    They're usually vindictive & vengeful.
    They'll use the past against you as if it were currently relevant.

    The thing is, you're allowing her to control & affect you.
    (I know, because I was in YOUR shoes for a decade).

    Read my own thread/testimonial here.

    It's really tough, (because it almost becomes like a form of "Stockholm Syndrome") but you're probably better off letting this go & moving on.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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