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  1. #1
    JustStartingOut is offline PUA in Training
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    Exclamation Could really use help with ex-gf, might have messed up for good

    Hi guys, I'm completely new to this site and I must say after reading over several threads and learning lots, I am enjoying it very much.

    Well my problem is, my ex and I are both 18, just about 19. We dated for just over a year and things were great up until the last maybe 2 months. We've liked each other since the start of high school but didn't get together until the grad year. We were so happy together and things just seemed perfect. I never mistreated her or did her any wrong but I of course had my faults. We ended up arguing quite a bit in the last 2 months of our relationship and I have to admit I became needy, a bit controlling and very dependent on her. I stopped spending a lot of time with my friends and it just created problems with her and I.

    Closer to Valentine's day we broke up after taking about a week break to let her figure out what she wanted. Before the break she said she wasn't sure she could love me the way I deserved and she wasn't sure what she wanted. I am pretty sure she lost interest because she ended up cheating on me during the break with a guy she was interested in and I found out after we split. I of course made a couple mistakes before I found out she cheated and a little afterwards, I promised change, a begged, cried, basically everything you aren't supposed to do. Until I eventually just stopped. I just stopped talking to her completely, she stopped messaging me, we deleted each other off of all our social networks etc. She persisted on telling me that she just did not know what she wanted and she wasn't sure what to do and that she needed time for herself.

    For about 3-4 weeks we did not communicate until one day she admitted being depressed, lonely, sad and that she made a huge mistake and missed me so bad and that she'd always loved me and that she saw I was doing fine without her and seemed to have moved on. She messaged me and asked for us to meet up so she could give me a couple of my sweaters back. I of course was hesitant but followed through with it anyways. The day we met up we ended up hooking up and things just seemed great, then for the next 4-5 days that's what we continued to do, text everyday, talk it seemed great. She was even wearing all the things I had bought her, charms, necklaces etc. She would text me like we were dating, calling me, telling me she loved me and missed me and I reciprocated this which I feel like I shouldn't have so easily. We both didn't want to move quickly but it was quite clear we were moving too fast and she admitted to that, as did I which I think scared her. She told me she was genuinely happy and that She was 99% sure that this was what she wanted she just needed a few days to figure it out for sure since it was a big change for us and that she wanted to make sure she wanted to be with me for me and not because she was lonely. I of course said sure. She told me not to get my hopes up though because she didn't know what she wanted and that she didn't want to hurt me again, she also told me that guy she cheated on me with was just her friend and that they didn't talk anymore. I was a bit skeptic of this but she seemed honest. I wasn't buying into it too much though.

    All of a sudden I asked her about it two days later because she had followed him on a social network and she said that she honestly was just friends with him and she had followed him a while ago and that she hadn't seen him since the incident. I told her I believed her, it was just brought to my attention by a friend and that I didn't make any assumptions and I hoped she understood where I was coming from. She made it clear she was just friends with him, she didn't say they weren't talking though just that they hadn't seen each other and she was somewhat interested in him before but she claims she friend-zoned him which is why they stopped talking and what not. But after that the conversation went downhill fast, she told me she really didn't want me to get my hopes up because right now she had no clue what she wanted. She told me that she didn't want to hurt me again and that was her biggest fear. She said she needed to trust herself before she could be with me and that she needed to know what she wanted before jumping into anything with me. She said she loves me and always will and the reason she got so close to me and was wearing all the things I got her was because she loved me and she couldn't help it. Then she said what she needed at the moment was to just be friends so she didn't have to feel committed to anyone because she couldn't commit right now because that wouldn't let her grow as a person and as a individual and it wouldn't help her see what she really wants. Then she said that we could see each other as friends or just let whatever happens happen and we could decide in a few months if we would like to try again and if we did, we could. She told me she wasn't shutting me down she just said that was all she could offer me right now. I was understanding and we didn't talk for a few days until about 2 days ago.

    The last conversation we had, I messaged her saying that I agree we should just be friends and that I understand that she doesn't know what she wants and we could see what would happen in a few months. She asked me why the change of hear and if I had "met someone else or something". I just said "What? Why would you ask me that? I have just been thinking a bit.". Instead of just blatantly saying no. I told her I still wanted to get back together but I felt like she was just leading me on until she found someone she'd rather be with and she persisted on telling me that wasn't the case she honestly just didn't know what she wanted right now. She asked why I went from being understanding to angry that she agreed on friends but I said I wasn't angry, I just apologized for the misinterpretation. I told her friends for now and then that we could try in a few months if we wanted too like we had previously agreed too. She said in a few months she isn't even sure if she'd want to try because she doesn't know what she wants. I said it's clear she has no idea what she wants. I also told her I didn't know what I wanted anymore but I used too and that the next few times we hang out maybe I'll be able to figure out what I want from that. She said that, that would work and then I said "hopefully for you too". Then I told her I had to go and left the conversation. She said by and we haven't talked since so it's been about a day and a half. She seemed very cold and was giving me short answers in the messages where as a few days ago everything seemed perfect.

    I'm not sure if I'll hear from her again as she seemed so cold, I'm pretty heart broken over this. I was doing great until we met up about a week or so ago and things looked up, but I feel I failed a Sh1t Test by asking her about that guy that she had followed on a social network. I also feel like they might be still talking, or she met someone else or she just doesn't know what she wants. I do know I told her fine to friends, but she knows I want more. I feel like I have totally given power to her in this, I just really desperately want her back as I have had quite a few girlfriends I just never had this sort of connection. I know I shouldn't want her back after she cheated on me, but she claims it was a huge mistake and she could never forgive herself for it. She knows she has me wrapped around her fingertips though but I made it clear that I wouldn't wait for her in one of our more recent conversations because she told me not to hesitate at other girls if someone that I thought could make me happier came along. I said if my hearts in it, I'd go for it. She just said okay.

    I have no idea how to handle this now, just go no contact? What if she messages me? Reply? Ignore? A phone call do I ignore those? What if she wants to hang out? We had plans for this weekend but she has a bachlorette party to attend to so she might not be able too. I have become good friends with a lot of attractive girls also, taking some advice from a few other threads they said they'd help me with whatever I needed, I just am not sure what to do. Some of those girls my ex isn't too fond of, so they began writing on my facebook wall last night, not sure if I'll get a reaction out of her, but I sure know she noticed.

    I was doing great, getting out of the house starting to feel good, until we met up, then I felt even better, now I feel even worse. We broke up in February, so it's been just little over two months, and the most recent encounter was about a week- two weeks ago. Last conversation about a day and a half ago.

    Any advice or help on what to do to get this girl back would be great, I'm all ears and I really just want this figured out. She really does make me happy. I just can't seem to shake this one. I been trying since grade 8, gave in, in grade 12, now I'm stuck here.

    If anyone has any idea how to approach this, please, please help Never felt this way before. I feel Beta. So very Beta.

  2. #2
    JustStartingOut is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Could really use help with ex-gf, might have messed up for good

    Oh man, no one at all can help me out with this situation?

  3. #3
    Winmau is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Could really use help with ex-gf, might have messed up for good

    I read bits and bobs but theres a bit too much to read. Try highlighting the main points and put it into 1 or 2 paragraphs and you might get more responses.

    From the gist of things it sounds like you went completely beta and by agreeing to be friends, holding on and accepting that she doesnt know what she wants and that you can see down the line you......NO! (BETA!) just say basically your moving on, you havent got time for BS and that you dont think you can get back together, be nice and in no way upset or needy!. By just letting her know that you are willing to see if you can work it out in the future lets her know she can have you anytime! She's not sure what she wants because you are just an option. Plus you'll have the upper hand of the dumping effect. People want what they cant have. Go out and speak to new people, add them on facebook so she sees and stay no contact. Everytime she initially contacts you and asks where did we go wrong, i dont know etc....she is throwing hoops and you are jumping through them. For her to feel attracted to you she must earn it!!!! You are the prize!!! seriousely i cannot emphasize this. She can have any d1ck (Mystery)
    WTF makes you special? Dont be a cushion for her be an ALPHA!!

  4. #4
    JustStartingOut is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Could really use help with ex-gf, might have messed up for good

    Thanks man I definitely hear what you're saying, I am trying this approach as right now she is doing a lot of weird subliminal message stuff. You know the works, weird status updates, making this seem like it's my fault or that I'm the bad guy indirectly. Or it could even be about someone else who knows..

    And how do I edit the post? I'm not sure how


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