Well my problem is, my ex and I are both just about 19. We dated for just over a year and things were great up until the last maybe 2 months. We ended up arguing quite a bit in the last 2 months of our relationship and I have to admit I became needy, controlling and dependent on her. I stopped spending a lot of time with my friends and it just created problems with her and I.
We broke up after taking about a week break to let her figure out what she wanted. Before the break she said she wasn't sure she could love me the way I deserved and she wasn't sure what she wanted. I am pretty sure she lost interest because she ended up cheating on me during the break with a guy she was interested in and I found out after we split. I of course made a couple mistakes before I found out she cheated and a little afterwards, I promised change, a begged, cried, basically everything you aren't supposed to do. After that I just stopped talking to her completely, she stopped messaging me, we deleted each other off of all our social networks etc.
For about 3-4 weeks we did not communicate until one day she admitted being depressed, lonely, sad and that she made a huge mistake and missed me so bad and that she'd always loved me and that she saw I was doing fine without her and seemed to have moved on. She messaged me and asked for us to meet up so she could give me a couple of my sweaters back. The day we met up we ended up hooking up and things just seemed great, then for the next 4-5 days that's what we continued to do, text everyday, hook up. She would text me like we were dating, calling me, telling me she loved me and missed me and I reciprocated this which I feel like I shouldn't have so easily. We both didn't want to move quickly but it was quite clear we were moving too fast and she admitted to that, as did I which I think scared her. She said was 99% sure that this was what she wanted she just needed a few days to figure it out for sure. She told me not to get my hopes up though because she didn't know what she wanted and that she didn't want to hurt me again, she also told me that guy she cheated on me with was just her friend and that they didn't talk anymore.
I asked her about it two days later because she had followed him on a social network and she said that she honestly was just friends with him and she hadn't seen him since the incident. She made it clear she was just friends with him.
After that the conversation went downhill fast, she told me she really didn't want me to get my hopes up because right now she had no clue what she wanted. She told me that she didn't want to hurt me again and that was her biggest fear. She said she needed to trust herself before she could be with me and that she needed to know what she wanted before jumping into anything. She said she loves me and always will and the reason she got so close to me was because she loved me and she couldn't help it. Then she said what she needed at the moment was to just be friends so she didn't have to feel committed to anyone because she couldn't commit right now because that wouldn't let her grow as a person and as a individual and it wouldn't help her see what she really wants. Then she said that we could see each other as friends or just let whatever happens happen and we could decide in a few months if we would like to try again and if we did, we could. She told me she wasn't shutting me down she just said that was all she could offer me right now.
I messaged her saying that I agree we should just be friends and that I understand that she doesn't know what she wants and we could see what would happen in a few months. She asked me why the change of hear and if I had "met someone else or something". I just said "What? Why would you ask me that? I have just been thinking a bit.". I told her I still wanted to get back together but I felt like she was just leading me on until she found someone she'd rather be with and she persisted on telling me that wasn't the case she just didn't know what she wanted right now.
I told her friends for now and then that we could try in a few months if we wanted too like we had previously agreed too. She said in a few months she isn't even sure if she'd want to try because she doesn't know what she wants.
So I told her I didn't know what I wanted anymore but I used too and that the next few times we hang out maybe I'll be able to figure out what I want from that. She said that, that would work and then I said "hopefully for you too". Then I told her I had to go and left the conversation.
I feel I failed a Sh1t Test by asking her about that guy that she had followed on a social network. I know I shouldn't want her back after she cheated on me, but she claims it was a huge mistake. She knows she has me wrapped around her fingertips though but I made it clear that I wouldn't wait for her in one of our more recent conversations because she told me not to hesitate at other girls if someone that I thought could make me happier came along. I said if my hearts in it, I'd go for it. She just said okay.
I have no idea how to handle this now, just go no contact? What if she messages me? Reply? Ignore? A phone call do I ignore those? What if she wants to hang out? Would getting a bunch of girls and getting them to show interest in me work in my favor? I have been talking to a lot of girls to help keep my mind busy.
Any help would be great guys.
I edited this post from my first thread, the other was way too long.