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  1. #1
    DFN
    DFN is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Stay strong and NC or speak my mind? Advice and gameplan help.

    Hi guys. This is my first post on here, but I have been an avid reader for a few months. I am looking for a little advice and game planning on how to proceed with the ex situation.

    I was with my ex for 3 years. We lived together for 18 months. The last 8 months were in a new city. I lost control over the relationship when we moved here; I couldn't find work in my field and it caused me to be fairly depressed. I broke a dish once after we had an argument, and I blamed her for making me so angry to break it. Although that wasn't the same when we broke up I think it left a mark.

    We recognized we had problems and agreed to work them out. My work situation turned around and I thought things were getting better. She visited friends for vacation and when she got back dropped the breakup-bomb on me. She then left for a week to visit family and had an accident and had to stay for 3 weeks. I went mostly NC during that time. I moved a few days after she got back which was about a month ago.

    I may have been too available/needy at that time. She knew I was dating other people though. We agreed to hang out as friends te next week. She said she needed her space but agreed to hangout anyways. She ended up canceling on me to see a friend and a guy that her friends were trying to set her up with. I was fine with that and we agreed to reschedule. I went NC for 2.5 weeks and we scheduled a time to hang out as friends. My approach was "hey we're obviously nt right for eachother but we had some good times and it would be cool to see eachother as friends."

    We hung out the next weekend during the day and then went to a nice lounge for dinner. I was dhv the whole time. Happy, confident, etc. I told her I had plans for the evening and couldn't hang out with her late. She said she could see the difference in me. I was getting plenty of ioi's at the bar. Touching me, smiling when I looked at her, leaving her hand touching mine during low level Kino.

    When I was taking her home she started asking me about how to text the guy she just went out with (the friends friend that she was set up with) She said she didn't want to get into a relationship but she liked him. She also mentioned her friends were "really mad" that she was hanging out with me that day. I made a joke about hanging out with me again and she said she wasn't sure it would be a good idea. She did say she was bored at home a lot (can't drive bc of accident). She said she had a good time though - I think it was pretty honest.

    So I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. I waited a week before sending her a message. I said she should come check out this new place with me. She said "?" I made it more specific with the time and she said "I have plans already." I said "Hope you have fun, I will be. I may have time on Wed or Thurs ill see if I can fit it in then. Which is better?" She said "I don't know yet" and I said "lol ok homebody"

    Now, I want to just call her and say wtf you had a great time, why are you.blowing me off? But I know I shouldn't so that. Maybe I'm suffering from one-itis but I am dating and seeing other women. I just dont want to let this go because i know it was me that fucked up. Do I go NC? Do I wait a week and call her?

    Thoughts and advice? Much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Winmau is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Stay strong and NC or speak my mind? Advice and gameplan help.

    Too much and it will sound like your attention seeking. For instance where you made the effort in text to let her know your having a good time "i know i will be" sounds like seeking attention. Its sounds like you've done well so far but one thing ive learned is not to speak your mind. Occasionally it could work to blurt out your feelings but more often than not your minds reaction is wrong and comes across as beta. If you do speak again i would say something like ...ok, i didnt think it'd be be a problem to be friends as we're both mature but i respect your decision.

  3. #3
    DFN
    DFN is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Stay strong and NC or speak my mind? Advice and gameplan help.

    Hmmm... Good point on attention seeking. Would you suggest waiting a week or so and trying to reach out to her? Or longer? I can't make myself an available backup plan which is seemingly what she wants - if I don't get asked out by x, y, or z I will hang out with him.

    Or do I just take that opportunity and go to work on building attraction after we're out? The text messages are so short and her friends are in her ear enough that I don't think text game is something I should even bother with.

    Thanks.


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