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  • 1 Post By Gonzo

Thread: My brush with Oneitis and attempts at getting past it

  1. #1
    Banners90's Avatar
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    Thumbs up My brush with Oneitis and attempts at getting past it

    I won't go into great detail on the woman in question. I have already mentioned her and our situation in posts prior to this one.
    For the past month and a half I have been living in hell. Stewing over how I Farked up, how I can fix things & whether or not I should bother at all. During this time I've been drinking myself silly and punching many a bus shelter and brick wall. Obviously this isn't the best way to go about getting over someone and this had to stop.

    ****

    A few of these things have helped gradually to make me overcome this.

    * I'm currently reading a novel by the author Patrick Hamilton called Hangover square. The main character is hopelessly chasing a girl who is playing hard to get. This book put into perspective that my case of oneitis is mild in comparison to this guy's (inadvertently this book is also a great way to make yourself feel better about your own game.) He fills his time with hobbies that he once enjoyed but failed to do due to this girl. He takes up Golf again. I myself have started writing. In summary filling your time with hobbies helps clear your mind.

    * My friends have been ripping me about it all. Making me quite aware how foolish I am. It p*sses me off but I know that they mean well. Support from friends help.

    * This girl has deleted me from BBM and facebook. In doing so this has helped keeping us distant. I can't see what she's doing on facebook and I can't contact her as easily as I used to. This has helped keep her off my mind. No contact, whether it be on her or your part helps in cutting her out altogether.

    * Speaking to her after the break up, she has been horrible. She has been posting pictures silently mocking me. Her actions have made me think why am I suffering for this? Definitely not worth it. As others say; focusing on her flaws can help make you think she's not all sunshine and rainbows thus helping the process of moving on.

    ****

    Hopefully some of these things help get over your own Oneitis issues. It will take time but doing these plus other actions you can find on here help immensely. Doing the things I've listed here have helped me a lot. I'm in a lot better place than I was the first few weeks we broke up.

    I've now come to the conclusion that I couldn't really care if she comes back at all. I'm not gonna lie, I still hurt. I know some of you may still feel the same. Look at it this way, everything in life is a step towards something better whether you realise it or not.


    First post in a while thanks for reading
    PER ARDUA AD ALTA

  2. #2
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    Default Re: My brush with Oneitis and attempts at getting past it

    I read 'drinking myself silly and punching many a bus shelter and brick wall' and knew you were English!

    Yeah it sucks, no pain quite like it... the breakup I mean, not your knuckles on the wall... a self improvement trip is usually the way to go, but don't overdo it! I know people who signed up to all sorts of crazy new activities within a month or two of a big breakup and a a month or two later they were like 'Kayaking classes? WTF was I thinking??'... so I suppose the rule is avoid contracts! But similar experiences for me led to me quitting smoking successfully, hitting the gym, finishing top of my class at Uni and discovering PUA, so it's not all bad. Keep at it, you'll rediscover the ego, get some alpha swagger and eventually wonder what all the fuss was about
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.

  3. #3
    ronthepen is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My brush with Oneitis and attempts at getting past it

    I've been going through the phases of letting go of a huge oneitis (the highschool sweetheart thread in the relationship section) lately and what I have learned from this so far is really life-changing.

    Everything you mentioned is true: NC is great to help yourself get some objectivity and to rationalize the situation. Focusing on yourself and doing some self-improvement is key to feel happy by yourself once again.

    But what I've learned that is the most enlightening so far is that I use to put the responsibility of my happiness on a woman's shoulder instead of being happy by myself so that the relationship becomes only a "plus" to my own happiness. Once you get this, you will never do the same mistake again, I believe.

    I'm still "in love" with my oneitis - but I am slowly detaching from my need to "have" her. By changing your perception of the situation, you can save yourself and live a happier life in the future. You are the only master of your thoughts. If you don't want to suffer anymore, you can take control of your emotions and decide not to suffer anymore. It takes time and a lot of self-consciousnesses work, but it's something you have to do to grow.

    Meditation has been my best discovery to get over my oneitis. This and meeting other women, of course


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