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  1. #1
    AHaKuH is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default My ex and the friendzone

    I posted a similar question few days ago but nothing was answered so uhmm this is a little different than the previous one.
    First of all me and my ex were in a long distance relationship and we broke up 1 year+ ago. I added her 1 month ago and everything was fine. Though I think it was fine but then i found out she's getting too comfortable with me and is putting me in the friendzone.
    She told me she likes another guy and i got jealous which later on turned on ''I love him'' and she also said she would accept his marriage request if it weren't for her parents. She said she's gonna do it after she finishes college in few years. She only offered me friendship and i am now in the friendzone. She said I'm someone who is too important to her and she cares about me too much but it doesn't mean she sees me in a romantic way.
    I did as some people instructed me and apologized for my behavior and told her I'm happy for her and i respect her decision.
    She later on said that she's not the one who wants to marry but she won't tell him that....she finds it annoying and says why is there a need for marrying? So is a relationship like that really love? I questioned myself often about it and I was wondering if she only likes the attention she gets from that man even though she said she almost slept with him but couldn't get in the mood and ran away.She's moved on alright ...well the thing is she invited me this summer over her place and said she wanted to meet me few months ago but i didn't reply her mail on time. Her exact words are ''I gave up on loving you but not on you'' .She later on pulled back and said it would be like cheating if we met which only sounds like excuses to me but whatever.
    So my question is how do I get out of this stupid friendzone and rise to be a potential boyfriend in her eyes instead of the pathetic beta that I am right now?

  2. #2
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    I personally do not beleive in the friend zone, it is an imaginary place girls make up to feel like theyre above dating you. That being said, be her friend. Flirt with her, neg her. Always keep the conversation lighthearted unless she's the one that initiates deeper subjects. Next is to dhv yourself, talk about your friends, the fun things you do, other women in your life (this will make her jealous). And never ever talk shit about the boyfriend...this will only make her defend him.

  3. #3
    AHaKuH is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Quote Originally Posted by Hotel Yorba View Post
    I personally do not beleive in the friend zone, it is an imaginary place girls make up to feel like theyre above dating you. That being said, be her friend. Flirt with her, neg her. Always keep the conversation lighthearted unless she's the one that initiates deeper subjects. Next is to dhv yourself, talk about your friends, the fun things you do, other women in your life (this will make her jealous). And never ever talk sh1t about the boyfriend...this will only make her defend him.
    To tell you the truth I don't really believe in it so much either.However it is still there no matter how much we argue about it. I'm stuck right now as I've heard all of the things that a girl can say ...''we'll never be together'' , ''I don't love you'' , ''I can only offer you friendship'' and anything like that you can imagine.She doesn't even want to meet me because it feels ''wrong'' and that is making me furious because few weeks ago she asked me to visit her this summer and that i was welcome there for as long as i like. After she told me there's someone else she likes then things got out of hand and I don't have much experience so i screwed up again . The problem now is that she is with another man which she only ''liked'' when she told me about it and after my jealousy period she was so in love with him that she might accept his marriage proposal. She said she has given up on loving me but not on me and said that she wanted to meet me for a long time now but since it failed few months ago she said ''never again'' and it was ''only her wishes'' .
    So I feel like I can't re create romance because she doesn't want it.

  4. #4
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    If you're still friends with her you can still make it happen. You can't be needy, you can't whine to her, you can't show any weakness of any kind. If she wants to just be friends then be friends for now, if you can't do any of what I just said than you need to move on because it'll just be the same thing over and over again. Like I said: Be her friend, flirt with her, build emotional connection, don't be needy, don't talk shit about the boyfriend,, don't bring up the past, find new girls to hang out with and you'll have a legitamate shot.

    I've gotten my ex back using the exact things described above...only I found out I really didn't want her back, my ego was just damaged lol.

  5. #5
    AHaKuH is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Quote Originally Posted by Hotel Yorba View Post
    If you're still friends with her you can still make it happen. You can't be needy, you can't whine to her, you can't show any weakness of any kind. If she wants to just be friends then be friends for now, if you can't do any of what I just said than you need to move on because it'll just be the same thing over and over again. Like I said: Be her friend, flirt with her, build emotional connection, don't be needy, don't talk sh1t about the boyfriend,, don't bring up the past, find new girls to hang out with and you'll have a legitamate shot.

    I've gotten my ex back using the exact things described above...only I found out I really didn't want her back, my ego was just damaged lol.
    Thanks for the reply
    I keep coming back to this forum to read and see what people say about girls because honestly it is the best source I've found which has people who are willing to help you out with girls.
    The thing is I get my confidence down just by thinking how she kept saying she loves him , she can't be with me , she doesn't want to meet me, she doesn't love me, and everything negative you can think of to crush your confidence and hopes.And the other thing is she's in another country (I can visit no problem) but she doesn't want to meet me.

    Also isn't being her friend going to make me just fall in the Friendzone?I mean she will have her boyfriend and my company at once and why would she break up with her boyfriend just to come back to me and have only me? I'm afraid she's gonna get too comfortable with me and will just leave me there in the friendzone or the ''nothingzone'' which is literally ''You'll be my friend but I don't want anything to do with you''

  6. #6
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Before you do anything you're going to have to work on your Inner Game I.E. your confidence and self esteem. If you let this girl make you that emotional then you need to build up some confidence...Start going to the gym, Buy some new clothes, get a new hair cut etc.

    To get some emotional perspective go no contact for a month, don't respond to texts, emails or phone calls from her. This will allow your brain to let logic start taking over again instead of your feelings. Like I said make new freinds, be social, find new hobbies and post how awesome your life is on facebook. Trust me, a little bit of jealousy goes a loooong way with women.

    The great thing about all the advice I just gave you is that even if she doesn't come back...you'll have great new looks, new friends and new hobbies to enjoy, which in turn attracts women.

  7. #7
    AHaKuH is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Quote Originally Posted by Hotel Yorba View Post
    Before you do anything you're going to have to work on your Inner Game I.E. your confidence and self esteem. If you let this girl make you that emotional then you need to build up some confidence...Start going to the gym, Buy some new clothes, get a new hair cut etc.

    To get some emotional perspective go no contact for a month, don't respond to texts, emails or phone calls from her. This will allow your brain to let logic start taking over again instead of your feelings. Like I said make new freinds, be social, find new hobbies and post how awesome your life is on facebook. Trust me, a little bit of jealousy goes a loooong way with women.

    The great thing about all the advice I just gave you is that even if she doesn't come back...you'll have great new looks, new friends and new hobbies to enjoy, which in turn attracts women.

    Sounds like a good plan to me but I live in a small town and I know everyone around here and it's pretty boring . There's nothing to do and the only thing i can do is go out for a few hours maximum which doesn't really take my thoughts out of the way and i keep thinking about her. Since she has a new boyfriend and he can be there for her and I can't I really get my confidence down as i said earlier and from all the things she said it sounds like she's deadset on not wanting me as a partner. It maybe because I was very needy and I rushed and told her that i still have feelings for her but I believe if i made her fall for me once I can still do it again. The other problem is her feelings for the new man. I'm not even sure if she loves him because she gave me lots of mixed feelings like ''I only like him'' , ''I might be blind and stupid and not inlove'' and ''I love him'' . I won't really count on it so I'll assume she has feelings for him.
    I'll try to do as you said but I'll need to feel comfortable with her again and avoid being seen as only a ''friend'' and I feel like I'm not making any progress because I've been feeling anxious,worried and whatnot so I'll probably have to calm myself down a little. Thanks for the advices again.

  8. #8
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Stick with the No Contact. After a while she'll probably contact you to see if your still under her thumb (girls like to do that). I know how it feels to feel anxious and want to contact her, it sucks and its a very difficult thing to go through. But it DOES get easier I promise. And as soon as you start investing in yourself rather than investing in her your confidence will skyrocket.

  9. #9
    AHaKuH is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Quote Originally Posted by Hotel Yorba View Post
    Stick with the No Contact. After a while she'll probably contact you to see if your still under her thumb (girls like to do that). I know how it feels to feel anxious and want to contact her, it sucks and its a very difficult thing to go through. But it DOES get easier I promise. And as soon as you start investing in yourself rather than investing in her your confidence will skyrocket.
    Yes I'll do that thank you
    What I'm afraid of is her forgetting about me and will be just meh who needs him around anyway. I'll have to go back to her as a new person and the other problem is her thinking she can have me and her boyfriend at once. I really have lots of doubts because she was serious when she said we can't be together and so on. I'll have to do alot of work if i want this to happen and I'm not very sure if i'll succeed but I'll try to focus on my self a little and make it work

  10. #10
    AHaKuH is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My ex and the friendzone

    Also I wanted to ask if it could have been a Sh1t Test or not?
    We were chatting comfortably and I was sending her GIF files of hot girls doing sexy things because we were talking about our fantasies and such . We had a kind of perverted chat before that and she said ''Sorry but I'm horny'' and ''I'll never have sex forevealone blablabla''.
    I asked her what her fantasies are and what kind of things she would like and she said criminals and guitarists. I happen to be a guitarist and she knows it, but not a pro one just doing it because I like it. She said something like sitting on my back when on the bed and her not minding if I turn around and i said ''Imagine the possibilities'' . It all went well but after some time and chatting we were joking about being boring and stuff like that and I went away for 1 hour and when I came back all of a sudden she dropped me ''I want you to know that I like another boy'' and ''I don't want you to think I'm playing with your feelings''. Instead of ignoring it and keeping on a conversation I went jealous and asked many things but long story short it was very bad and I did everything wrong you can think of plus speaking bad about her man ( I didn't speak that bad though) and called him a rich mofo (I'm so stupid).
    She said we can't be together and everything negative you can think of when I added her again and told her i still have feelings for her (Rushed to my grave?) but I still believe I can attract her back.

    She said the man that proposed to her wants a family and she doesn't see herself as a mom and that her ex wanted her back so she doesn't know what people see in her. I didn't react so much to that so could it have been a sh1t test too? And since I didn't react few weeks after that she told me about marrying that man which she only likes and would accept his marriage proposal because she loves him. NO LOGIC of course but that's how it is. I was wondering if she wants to see how I'll react but anyway I screwed up.

    Now the situation seems kinda hopeless as she says she loves him and she's happy but I don't know why because she said she only likes him at first and that she might be blind and stupid and not inlove. I got very angry because she said she doesn't want to meet me anymore cus it feels wrong....like cheating.I didn't like it because she said I'm welcome to stay as long as i like and she was the one who invited me over. Maybe I screwed up because I told her that I won't be her friend.
    Is there a possibility that she wanted to see how I'd react if there was another man in the picture? Or did she really not tell me because she didn't want to hurt me as she said, and why tell me that she almost slept with him if she didn't want to hurt me? Sooner or later i would have to know so why did she take 1 month to tell me? After that of course followed the '' You're too nice for me'' ...I was very pushy and i screwed up and I did every beta b*tch thing you can think of so I'm back at square 1 ...IF NOT WORSE.

    I am currently in No Contact as the dude above suggested because I really need some time to make some logic flow through me again.When she contacts me again I'll try to keep it playful , flirty and not show much emotion and try to rise my value. I'll need to meet her this summer and show her she can have lots of fun with me and also try to ''plant the seed'' as many people said, but I don't know how to achieve it as she said she will not meet me unless he's there too.

    Anyway I'd really like an expert's opinion or someone more experienced in this area please. Even If I don't get back with my ex (I don't feel like giving up yet) then I'd have gained some experience in this area and I would have opened a door to my ex and a possible reuniting in the near future. I want to ''plant the seed'' ... I just love saying that lol . I'm very beta and too bad I realized it a few weeks ago so I'm trying to change my ways. I'm currently reading many posts and things on this forum and I'm sucking knowledge like a sponge.


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