I love him more than anything. The connection i felt with him was so beautiful and real, and thats why i always want him so bad.
In the past he has cheated, lied, and manipulated. I forgave him and he changed but i still harbored deep mental instabilities i could not satiate, which triggered arguments and made me clingy because i was SO afraid of him drifting away again, that it actually happens (we have broken up several times)
Everytime after we argued he would shut off his phone for a long time which i freak out over and i end up calling and messaging obsessively. Then, when i finally get a hold of him we forget about it and stay together. Its a vicious cycle.
After our most recent argument, he says he does not want to "reward" me anymore, and that he wouldnt have wanted to end things if only i had just learned to give him space
I told him i would wait forever, and he said "if youre gonna wait then stop calling"
Is all hope lost? Will he miss me and call back after I leave him be for a certain period of time?
I actively try to seek mental help, but i dont trust psychiatrists and the like, and i especially dont want to have to resort to medication for my problems.
I love him so much.... I cant believe I let our relationship be poisoned by all this.