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  1. #1
    icall2000 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Ex Encounter Pulling me Back in.

    Previous thread posts and feedback helped me. Need some new advice.

    41yr divorced male was broken up with by 43yr female with 10y/o child after 2 yr relationship about 6 months ago. I pursued for over 2 months with texts or calls every week or so. I finally listened to the feedback and went no contact over past 3 months.

    Since then I've
    * been doing cross-fit for 3 months
    * One Night Stand with girl met on-line
    * spent one month with another, ended it due to girl being nuts
    * currently in a 2 month relationship with 33 yr old much hotter babe, crazy in bed, but quite in-mature and not a lot in common.

    So all going well until my ex and i see each other at a red light in (what are the odds???) I didn't acknowledge or try to look.

    I get a facebook message from her sister that night. She has a rental place and said the renter is moving out and asked if i need a place to stay. Said that my ex; her sister, mentioned i like it and her sister said saw me earlier that day at an intersection.

    I replied the next day saying "hope all is well, set on housing and thanks for thinking of me. If you give me a price, I will check around". So far no response.

    So it brought back all the old memories and that I want her back. I don't think its oneitis, I really want her back. Should i stay no contact and forget about her or try to initiate?

    I've got a bunch of pictures of her, her dog(which died recently), keys to her house, etc... that I've thought about sending her, struggling as i feel moving backwards since maintaining no contact for 3 months.

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex Encounter Pulling me Back in.

    Hey man,

    I remember your posts.

    Well done for going NC. We all know it's hard and it sucks but it is the only way sometimes. You have made great progress.

    Bro, I feel for you because I am still in the same boat. I still have feelings for this girl who I dumped just over a year ago. But let me tell you something that happened to me and I hope this helps give you the resolve you need right now.

    I was out at the start of June and I walked right past my ex in the city centre on the way to meet my friends. She was with her little boy and her boyfriend. It was too awkward to talk so I just gave her a smile and a wink and kept walking. Like you, that got me thinking so I sent her a message on Facebook, she asked for my number and we exchanged a lot of texts. She said she wasn't seeing anybody and it turns out the guy she was engaged to dumped her and is now engaged to someone else (her brothers ex). I stopped the convo by saying I had to collect my car and said I would like to take her go-karting (something I know she loves but we never did) to cheer her up. She said that was a deal but I left it hanging.

    But when I actually looked properly at her FB profile, there was a picture of her and a guy. It was obvious that she was seeing him from his and her posts (and his FB profile was a picture of the two of them) so I sent her a message saying the new guy looked like a nice guy and that going go-karting wasn't a good idea. No response.

    Now I am very embarrassed to admit that I followed this up with another FB message and a letter to apologise for the way I dropped her because I felt really bad about dumping her and going hardcore NC. I also said I was there for her if she wanted to meet up, have a chat etc. No response.

    Now I have been on here for a while and other girls have not got me in the same way and I have been able to give decent advice about how to deal with these sorts of situations. But, for some reason, I am still hung up on this one girl and I find my emotions kicking in and I act like a total pussy.

    See, I think some girls that are like BPD or NPD or something sort of get you hooked and you get sucked back in if you are not careful. And these types are actually only interested in you when you are not interested in them. Your ex is like that bro and, even if you do get her back, the same pattern will probably repeat itself.

    So, please don't contact her, it will only bring you more hassle. You've done well with the NC and your confidence is obviously back because you have had some success recently. Keep that going and find a girl that is actually worthy of your attention. Let her go bro - for good - she had her chance and she blew it.

    Be strong, unlike me, and you'll feel so much better in time.

    Good luck.

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