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  1. #1
    Read123 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default My story, would really appreciate advice (it's long but please read through

    Hello,

    I’ve looked through this site and seen that there’s a lot of great people that are offering a lot of support. And I feel that I need some right now. So I would really appreciate any advice or help that you can give me.



    Ok, so the problem is with my ex-girlfriend and the story is massive but I’m going to try keep it as small as possible but I’m mainly concerned that you understand the key bits that will give you the best perspective on the situation and how she feels.



    So we I am 20 and she will be 20 at the end of the month. We have been with each other with few ONS and offs for the last 2 years. Now I want to get across in this time she was completely besotted with me. She wanted to be with me all the time, sometime quite obsessive, which caused a fair few arguments. But she wanted to do whatever I wanted and it went on like that for a while. I used to want to also spend time with my friends where she used to want to be with me so she would wait and stuff. After a year of being together I ended it because I couldn’t handle it, but she begged and begged, she turned up at my work, my house etc until eventually I did give in because I still did want to be with her.

    In the end we went on a break for a month. After a month I received a letter from her telling me that she thinks that after this time it’s made her realize that we both wernt happy in our relationship and said she thinks we should just leave it from here. I didn’t want that so I got here to meet me, and persuaded her to give it go. It went well for a week, until she just sent a text saying she didn’t want it. She ignored me for a week no matter how much I called or text. But eventually she responded. I wanted closure (the reason why she truly didn’t want to be with me) so she met me as she knew I was going on holiday in a few days. She told me that she just doesn’t want it anymore, even though she loves me and misses me so much, she realizes that she can cope on her own and that she is enjoying herself just being with her friends and going out on nights out etc. I understood so I was I told her ok and goodbye. Then the night I was night before I was leaving she called me up thinking that I would be out on a night out. When I told I wasn’t, we chatted and she got upset, and wanted to know if I was still able to email etc whilst I was away. I told her I could, but this gave me false hope that she wanted me again.

    I went on holiday , we emailed a few times but once again she went back to not being interested. When I came back I asked her to meet me on her lunch, we met, we got on discussion about it, she had the same excuses, she apologized for calling me on the night. I accepted that and showed her I was going to delete her number so I can finally move on and don’t be tempted to text her. She was annoyed if did that (which was confusing). That was on the Friday, but I went out on the Saturday night, and guess who calls me up again? We meet up have a great laugh dance etc. then we go back to hers properly made love! I left in the morning and on the Monday morning when we text she told me we shouldn’t of done that and all that rubbish. Even though it was her who wanted me. As you can probably understand I was absolutely fuming sick of being messed around with I told her to never contact me again.

    I went out Thursday for my sisters birthday (I hadn’t spoke to her text my ex since that last text) and obviously my ex is out. She came up to me. At first I honestly rejected her, she was all over me but I wasn’t having it. She wanted to know why. We went outside and talked about it. She obviously understood gets upset and stuff. I ask her to let me try show her that we can work and that she can still go out have fun with her friends (that was another concern she was worried about feeling trapped again, even though I was the one who always wanted for us to be able to go have fun with friends and stuff whilst being together). She accepts what I said and we have an agreement and obviously again we have an amazing night she comes to mine, another night of passion and everything seems to be going ok. We meet up for lunch on Friday all is good. We both had plans to go out on the Saturday night, it was my friend’s birthday. And we arranged to meet up on Sunday. Well whilst out we are texting she is being really off AGAIN and it ends up us on the phone and she just doesn’t want it.

    Text the next day I go round to see her, we rearranged the agreement. The issue is, is that she WANTS it but cant bring herself to try and act like a couple and make effort. Its just all me trying to be as nice as possible. Im trying to explain to her that she needs to meet me halfway. She agrees but after a few hours shes still really struggling to do it so we have one final row.I made her delete my number off her phone. To show how serious I am that this is it I cant be messed around with anymore. Im about to leave. But we both get upset. She admits that she knows that she will regret this decision. Because she does want to be with me. Every time I try to leave out the door she wouldn’t let me shes crying. We both hug for ages. Its just so confusing!! She wants it but some part of her wont allow her to want it to try. She doesn’t want me to go. In the end I do end up leaving after a lot of tears.



    So im completely confused! I have no idea what to do now. I want to be with her so bad, but feel like I need to accept that she does not want me. BUT there is [art of her that does want me and cant let me go.
    I had kept the no contact stuff up. Until I was on Facebook and saw a picture of her and this guy that used to fancy her (THE PIC IS WEEKS OLD) like dancing together. I know for sure that they didn't do anything. So that's not a problem.

    I called her up and (I made this up btw) said that I heard about her and him. She started trying to say something and I hung up.

    And up to this point she's been texting and calling continuously!She's saying that she's been going crazy thinking about me, but now I've ruined it by doing this. She wants me to speak to her etc. saying I've ruined our chances of getting back together. And that she was changing her mind before I did this. That I making her look link desperate one now.

    I really want to know how to play this, do I reply or leave it? I know it's all silly games. But at this point I'm "winning" so I'm unsure if I reply will she just bin me off again. Or should I leave it and wait and see of she actually tries. It may make her realise. I UNDERSTAND that you guys will feel that I should not take the hassle, but I really do want to be with her to give it one last try.

    So please any advice would be much appreciated.

    Thanks
    Last edited by Read123; 08-13-2013 at 09:01 AM. Reason: Wanted to add something

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My story, would really appreciate advice (it's long but please read thr

    I can say reading through all of this that you have set a precedence that has actually made you the loser in this situation. From the first breakup, you were continuously calling her and allowing her to come back to you, which gave more power to her and put you more in a position of neediness. The more you two hooked up, the more power that she got. You may have tried to wrestle power from her (deleting numbers, etc.) but in the end she still came out on top.

    Making up facts and hanging up while she's trying to answer your lie was a completely immature move. It was a huge sign of neediness, and it did degrade you in her eyes.

    Overall, you need to stop this. You don't need one last shot. You have had loads of last shots. Another last shot is the exact opposite of what you need. You need to finally suck it up and move on. It's going to hurt, but it will be healthier for you in the end. There's more women out there, and there's one who is bound to be even better for you and less of a hassle. Sorry for being so harsh, but it's all for your own good.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    Read123 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My story, would really appreciate advice (it's long but please read thr

    Thanks for the reply. So you don't think I should reply to any of we texts?


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