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  1. #1
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default really want some advice on leaving open a door for reconciliation

    hey guys, I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. I'm losing my mind a bit here I think and would really, really like some thoughts/comments. I know this is long, and you probably don't want to read my sob story, but I really appreciate all that I have read on here and would much appreciate any words of wisdom.

    Backstory

    I dated a girl for about 5 months, then she decided to tell me that she had been in a long distance relationship with a guy for almost 3 years. She decided that she was in love with me and wanted to be with me and said she wanted to do everything to make things better and work it out. She went through with ending it with him, then a few days later ended it with me.

    Theres a lot of complicating factors here, I'm from the states and live in Colombia, she's Colombian and poor, and the other guy is from another country and rich and older (like late 30s, we're both mid 20s). letting go of the promises this guy had made like buying her a house and spending lots of money when he's here (he's been here like 3 times in their relationship all for short stays basically on vacation) were the hardest parts of letting go of him for her. now, on one level I get it, she wants a different lifestyle and the reality is there's not much social mobility here. And I was pretty clear that a marriage and future together were only things that would be part of a plan in the future. I made her no promises, so I understand how leaving what was a sure thing would be difficult. I realize now I had probably been a little uptight with money, and the frustrating part is I just started a new job where I'm making twice what I was making, so us being able to go out and do more stuff would have probably been a reality. also after she ended it with him, she told me that he was put in the hospital. I had pretty much demanded that she cut off contact with him immediately, and got upset, called him a liar, a lot of things that I probably didn't react to in the best way. the whole thing had taken me for a mind f honestly.

    we have been pretty much no contact for about 3 weeks. We did run into each other a little over a week ago, out late on the street. I said hi, nice to see you and walked off, she sent me a message that said nice to see you, then by the next morning when I was going to respond, she had blocked me on whatsapp.

    this past weekend I went on a trip we had planned together a few months ago, I had gotten a great deal on the tickets and a sweet romantic night in a hotel. I had in fact been trying to save up so we could have a terrific time and spend whatever money on this trip. Anyway I went with another girl and honestly, I couldn't do anything with her, I thought about my ex the whole time. I mean this girl was all over me and I couldn't fark her.

    I realize some things, that I'm in no place to jump back into this, honestly when it looked as if we were going to work things out, I lost all confidence, was not myself, and had a lot of doubts, but I still really want her and can't stop thinking about her. I realize I do have her and our relationship on a pedestal as well. So I realize I need to get to where I love where I am before anything really good could come out of a possible reconciliation. And I need to get to a point where I would have walking power if we did reconcile.

    I also realize there's a lot that has been called into question about her. I mean at the end of the day, she had to choose to be happy with me, she clearly was not ready to do that. I also realize that her taking the time to either try to reconcile with this other guy or ending it without me in the picture is probably the best thing for her and for a possible future relationship between us without resentment, me competing with the future he offered her, etc. I know that in the little bit of time they have spent together, they have fought and didn't get along great. I don't see it working out as a happy relationship, but maybe that's just me being sick thinking about her with him. I don't think she would have ended it with me either if he hadn't offered forgiveness and to make good on all the promises. He was supposed to be coming to Colombia around this time, so they may very well be together right now, and well I just don't see that going very well. Although this guy seems to be a pretty big chump. (Which I am to some degree at this point too)

    Question

    My ultimate question here is, is it worth breaking no contact with her to help leave the door open in the future when we are both in a better place to see if we reconnect? I was thinking of writing her and telling her that I had missed her a lot on the trip, but that I understood that she wasn't ready to go through with everything, then working some bf destroyer by saying I was sure this guy cared for her and that he just didn't know any other way of showing it than by showering her with promises and money. Then saying that I hope she works out what she really wants while I do the same and that I hope that maybe one day in the future we can reconnect in a way that would be genuine and without all the pressure of what had happened.

    Or am I better off leaving it to pure no contact and waiting until she contacts me, if she does? After the breakup she did ask for no contact. I have only broken it just to say sorry for the way I reacted to and expressed my opinion on some things, things that she brought up as being factors in her ending it with me. I did put pictures up on facebook of my trip with the other girl, but she made a new Facebook and I wouldn't dare add her, although she may look at mine (I realize I really need to stop looking at hers). I also did tell her I was starting to see other people. I know that no matter what, I need to work on becoming the man, I realize that the whole thing screwed with my head and I had stopped being the person that attracted her to me in the first place.

    so thoughts? is contacting her over the line, or do you think it has some possible value?

  2. #2
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: really want some advice on leaving open a door for reconciliation

    well, I did send her an email saying all of that, that I had missed her. I apologized for some ways I had acted and said that the truth was I wasn't able to be the man she fell for after everything that had happened. I did run some BF destroyer on the other guy saying that he must really care for her.

    She sent me a text this morning saying she hadn't responded not because she was mad at me or didn't want to talk to me, but because she thought it was best for us not to stay in contact right now (she did say for now, so she seemingly hasn't decided to never want to speak again, just that for now she thinks it wouldn't be good for me or for her). so it seems that she's thinking of me (I sent the email a few days ago) but she's clearly not jumping at getting back together either. She said she didn't have a problem if I wanted to talk in person. I kind of said everything I wanted to and think its best to let some time pass. Was thinking of saying that I had said everything I wanted to say in the email and that if she wanted to get together to talk then I would be willing.

    Thoughts? I would really appreciate something. I'm still pretty crazy for her, and I think that's why I wouldn't want to get together now. I want to see her chase me, which she doesn't seem to quite be doing now.

  3. #3
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: really want some advice on leaving open a door for reconciliation

    I know my first post was long, you guys may not be interested in my sob story and well I understand I guess. But I would really like some feedback. I can't stop thinking about her.

    Long story short, I miss her, she said we shouldn't be in touch over email in response to me sending an email saying where I was and that I know we both need to work on each other alone. She did say she was willing to meet face to face if I wanted to. I said I had been busy but if she wanted to meet I would find the time.

    I'm struggling with whether I should try to set up a meeting. would appreciate some words of wisdom. is her saying she would meet an indication that getting together might be good or should I wait for her to initiate it, recognizing that she may never do it?


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