Hello all, i'm a long time PUA fan, i owe everything to it, but I've lost my way and ruined the relationship I built. Now I'm stuck trying to pickup the pieces. I'll try and keep this short:
-relationship of 2 years, 8 months. Semi-long distance (3 hours away) with lots of face time (bi-weekly visits of 2 days to 2 weeks through the relationship)
Relationship went south due to arguing. lots of arguing was created by both sides. eventually she broke up with me.
i handled the initial breakup mostly proper, though i took it a little too aggressively (forced removal of fb etc)
but then i flopped. i called her abck a couple days trying to reconcile, when she said no i went full beta, begged, cried, pleaded.
after about 3 days of this i realized i gotta stop, tried to start picking up the pieces but made things worse. without going into detail, lets say i did everything wrong. from showing up in a suit and tie to writing long mushy messages to her. all it did was create pure anger and cause her to go full no-contact.
since then, i tried a few other things, slowly regaining composure etc, purely jsut trying to do some damage control before going no-contact (i believe no contact is a proper response, but i personally feel it has to be at the right time)
Anyway, she wound up calling me yesterday to arrange delivering the rest of my stuff (its very valuable stuff so i cnat just shrug it off), she was agressive and hostile, trying to control the entire situation, and insisted that her new boyfriend will be there. I accepted it all on a whim not thinking. We had another conversation this morning and I handled it much better, i was able to rebuild my frame and be more confident and she responded well, i wouldn't say "good", but much calmer than the hostility i've been seeing.
anyway, to get to the point, new gameplan: i wont be there to pickup the stuff because im busy, and instead i'm having a family member (mom) meet her because shes insistent on doing it now. we will have at least 1 more phone conversation, more than likely tomorrow morning, and I'm wanting to decide the best way to handle it to have a shot in the future with her.
the breakup occured aug 13th, i did 1 stupid thing after another in 1 week entervals for a month to make things worse, then i broke contact for almost 2 weeks before she contacted me. she is not being nice, now is not the time to persue her, but i think i can make some form of progress for a better shot of accomplishing things later.
so, my question: How do I handle this? my thoughts are:
1. keep it "professional", strictly just arranging the meetup and leaving it at that. this keeps my frame, but doesn't allow me to calm any of the bad blood between us. you have to remember this is a somewhat long distance relationship, she doesn't have friends talking about me and shes removed EVERYTHING that reminds me of her from her life, so no-contact isn't going to really drive her to miss me, its going to just allow the anger to die down
2. try to cure the bad blood. in the middle of planning or so, squeeze in "Hey, I want to say something that'll just take a minute. I understand why were doing this, and I agree that it's the best thing to do right now, I don't blame you and im not angry. But I want to thank you, you've made me realize the mistakes in my life and i'm working on becoming a better person" (maybe throwing out a few things im doing). I consider this because one of her complaints was "i'm going to be eternally complacent in my life", so this displays a change (though bluntly by saying it instead of showing it), i don't have the luxury of being able to display it to her because of long distance, were not on each others fbs, and there'll be pretty much no chance of running into one another in the future. anything i try after this will have to be through fb, email, or phone, which she has my number blocked so thats not a real option either
I'm also considering having my mom say something nice on my behalf (since she doenst' have friends that will be talking me up) when she gets the stuff, something like "yaknow you're always welcome to stop by" and/or "he really does care about you"
thoughts? opinions? suggestions?