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  1. #1
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I have no idea how to handle this anymore - No path to victory?

    So I've made a few threads here for advice on various situations post-breakup, but I'm just growing tired now and want to vent, so I'm going to kind of ramble here. Please feel free to give me advice if you have any. I'm at such a loss for how to handle things now, completely flustered.

    so, me and my ex dated for almost 3 years in a semi-long distance relationship (2 hours away but with lots of visits, mostly bi-weekly for 2-3 days, then week-2week long visits in the later half of the relationship). She always wanted me to move in with her (since like month 3), i said lets wait to make sure everything works out. I believe she has/had big co-dependency problems because she was very upset every time I said "not yet", which caused her to get mad, which caused arguments, which made me want to move less, which just repeated the cycle again and again.

    We wound up arguing a lot in the last half of the relationship, top of the lungs screaming and slamming shit big arguments.

    Eventually she left me.

    She ignored my calls for a full day, never did that before so when it happened i honestly paniced, not sure what happend (robbed, killed, car accident, etc. it all went through my mind)

    She later showed up on fb and posted a picture from her phone, but continued to ignore me for a few hours. Finally she picked up the phone and fed me bullshit about why she didnt see all the missed calls, fb messages, etc. I called her out on the lies and she just changed to
    "Look, can't you tell I don't want to talk to you? Look I need a break". breakup talk insued. She insisted that she wanted a 3 month break to decide what we want. I kept a strong frame at the time, I told her no, its all or nothing, I'm not going to sit on the side line while you run off with another guy to see if it works, and if it doesnt have me to fall back on. I know that's how women play that "break" game and im not falling for it. She insisted I'm being crazy but fine, were done.

    well, i lost that strong frame after about 2 days. Called her to talk it out, she didn't want to talk out anything, wouldnt agree to stop the breakup, wouldnt even agree to go back to the break thing. I begged. I pleaded. I cried. I confessed my undying love. All the rookie mistakes. It all backfired. she became hostile, agressive, mean. She told me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. She told me she was happy "for the first time in a while" when we broke up.

    Then I really took things up a notch. I sent her a super romantic gift to her job. I made sure to txt her ILU and goodnight every night at the same time. I sent her a long heart on my sleeve email. I even showed up at her place in a suit and tie.

    During this, she decided to tell me shes dating someone.

    When I showed up at her place, all hell broke loose. That gave her everything she needed to create full on anger/hatred towards me. she was no longer being nice in any way, she started swinging emotional haymakers at me every chance she could.

    I backed off, realized the damage I did post breakup and tried to recoup. I decided on a "kill her with kindness" attitude. I started trying to better myself, going out and talking to women, get my confidence up, make sure im as happy as I can be, and be absolutely nice to her every time we talk.

    This doesn't work.

    I had already exposed my soft underbelly, she was already geared up to murder me. The only time we associate is when she contacts me, which has been to arrange dropping off my stuff (4-5 conversations since the breakup in total), every time we talk, she makes sure to sound mean and aggressive, and mention her bf, how much shes falling for him, how there talking about moving in together, etc. Other then that, she keeps things strictly professional in topic. She does not deviate to allow conversation unless its a chance to lash out at me.

    So I quit pushing, the last time we talked on the phone I kept it strickly professional, did not even attempt to make conversation, kept it nice n short and sounded busy and upbeat, we hung up. good move on my part.

    well, a week later, she has now started pulling new moves out of her bag.

    We always talked on skype, she has always had 8 contacts (you can view profile and see a persons # of contacts), i wast he only person she talked to on skype.

    she showed up online the other day for the first time since the breakup, and within a couple hours her profile picture changed to one of her and her new bf kissing, with the status "in love!!!"

    I didn't react, honestly it didn't even make me jealous, just a little pissed off that shes being so childish and nasty, it did bother me, just not how she was aiming for.

    Tonight, she pulled another trick. I didn't message her, I assume she figured i'd try to say hi and she could get the satisfaction of hurting me more, but since I didnt, she messaged me.

    I suddenly get a jibberish message from her "SDFL:JKSD:LFKHS F", followed by "Oops, i was talking to someone else my bad"

    yea, sure.

    I didn't respond.

    I don't know how to handle her any more. I still love her, I still want to get past this and make things work out, but I don't know how to deal with this nasty mentality she has, I have no clue how to curb the agression. I don't know what to do.

    I can't talk to her on the casual. She makes sure to be mean and aggressive any time I attempt to be nice. She is obviously going out of her way to try and lash out at me. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    saguviper is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I have no idea how to handle this anymore - No path to victory?

    This might not be the best advice, but from my point of view because I have been through something similar. Ready for this??

    Fark it! (Well, the other 4 letter word that will get censored here)

    After me and my ex broke up, saying we were going to take a break, 4 weeks later she was dating some other guy. This hurt inside. I did all the mistakes that you did as well. Calling her, begging her, this and that. But all it was doing was pushing her away. All she wanted was space from me, possibly from this disaster of a relationship. I remained friends with her on FB, but ignored her for much of it. About 9 months after the break-up, she messages me on FB and we started to chat a little but more. She was still dating this guy, but I was getting mixed signals that she might be ending it and wanted to come back. Then she told me that he was taking her to Paris. While in Paris, she got engaged and the rest is history. It messed me up that she got engaged. I said some pretty nasty stuff on her FB wall, calling her some bad names. I blocked her and all her friends and family. I ceased communication with her. I decided to finally message her this past May, just to get a full closure with her. I mostly apologized to her for my actions and left it at that. I haven't communicated with her since then, although her and her husband now show up to my place of work every week, but it doesn't bother me that much.

    So here is the kicker to the fark it. The key for both of us. It's not meant to be. All this means is that there is somebody 10 times better than your ex, than my ex, who is gonna rock our socks off. Until then, enjoy life. When you are at a club or a bar, enjoying life with some friends, women will see that and admire that. If she follows you on Facebook or Instagram, whatever, post pictures of you enjoying life with others. It tells her what she is missing out. But cease communication with her. She's playing these games with you because she knows you are always there for her.

    Just live life. I have friends who are 40+ and still single, but they are contempt and enjoying life. Stay positive, cause we don't need any more negativity in this world.

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