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Thread: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

  1. #1
    Getting Ex Back is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    Hey all... my first time posting here.

    My story is, I was stuck dating 5's and 6's and after reading a lot of PUA advice now succeeding with many 10's !! There is however this one woman I consider a solid 12! Incredibly beautiful, Intelligent and completely amazing in every single way. We connect so well on so many levels, sexually, mentally, emotionally, even with business (we are both business owners) life outlook and future ambitions.

    We dated for about 3 months, but as I was new to dating at the time I made a few small errors and lacked conviction and belief in myself I deserved a 12 out of 10 girlfriend. We talked about marriage, children, future ...etc. but I think I may have pushed all of it a bit hard too soon, along with some other errors of not always opening doors for her or always paying for dinners (made her pay for some) ..being European and quite high and mighty in her perception of self, she ended up breaking up with me.

    I tried a mild attempt at repair, but thought it best to let it go. I didn't want to seem like I was chasing her, or grovelling for her to take me back so just left it alone and got on with my life. Trouble is I still think about her all the time. I know she's "the one" there's no other woman like her or one that I connect so well with. I sms'd and txt'd her from time to time, like Christmas or just randomly to say I was thinking about her. She got a new boyfriend soon after we broke up and has been dating him ever since, about a year now.

    Trouble is, about 3 months after I last txt'd/contacted her, she started contacting me out of the blue. Asking how I am and asking if I can help set up her new business. We chatted and talked on the phone more frequently, but I made sure not to let on that I was still massively in lust/love (I'm not sure which) with her. I didn't contact her too often nor smother her. I remained challenging and aloof about my thoughts and feelings for her and told her I have other women in my life.

    Over the course of the next 6 months we organised some events and things for us to catch up. We met about 5 times progressively got her from public meet-ups to having dinner at my place a couple of times. We discussed quite a few things, what has been happening in our lives and what we are looking for in future..etc. I set on rebuilding attraction and seduction, escalating progressively but slowly enough not to scare her off. We've hugged and kissed and had a bit of a tickle, but not gone as far as sex.

    After that I didn't contact her. I felt I created enough attraction for her to chase me a little bit. She contacted me about a week and a half later and asked "if I have any plans Saturday night" .. I said, "Hmm, maybe, what have you in mind" .. we organised a day at the beach, little bit of a picnic, that sort of thing. We spoke about watching a movie together over at my place after. I asked her to prepare the picnic stuff (as I've been organising everything else the past 5 months) and maybe this spooked her (reality check of "planning").

    I get the feeling she definitely knew if we went ahead with the "date" we would end up having sex, it was almost "understood"

    Trouble is she got cold feet. She txt'd she was feeling guilty about her current boyfriend and didn't want to cheat on him with me and said she wanted to figure out what to do with him first. I know not to cut her current BF down or make comments that seemed like I thought badly of him, so I just said "ok" ... and that was it.

    She then txt'd back saying "well what do you think, wouldn't you do the same"

    I txt'd ... you already know I think you're the most amazing woman I've ever met, we connect so well, if we are together again I have no trouble letting go of the girls I am currently seeing, I'm just waiting for you to be ready"

    (BTW: I've already told her many times and she definitely knows I think she's the one for me and the most amazing woman I've met that I connect so well with. I think she somewhat feels the same about me but maybe to a lesser degree. I know I probably shouldn't have told her how I feel, but sometimes when you're in the moment you can't help but tell them how wonderful and special you think they are. I honestly believe my genuine apprecation of her without holding back my feelings is what makes her feel so special and why she keeps coming back for more)

    Then she txt'd back

    "Well tell me when you meet someone special so I can stop thinking about you"

    I then just called her on the phone and spoke in depth about what was happening. Basically she says she has all these feelings for me and thinks I'm kind of the guy for her too. But she's in a relationship with this guy who is not all of what she wants, but an ok guy none the less and doesn't want to hurt his feelings by cheating on him and getting with me"

    So I just said, well we'll just let it be and see what happens.

    My Question now is

    WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW ??

    It's so frustrating not being able to speed this up.
    Should I keep contacting her or just go absent and wait for her to be ready and contact me again ??

    She really is "the one" woman for me and the only one I have such intense feelings for.

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    Hey man,

    I am surprised to see your post on here in all honesty because you have done everything right so far.

    You and this girl clearly still like each other a lot but circumstances at the moment are preventing you both from getting together.

    You have showed tremendous determination, discipline and flexibility to get where you are now so don't fark it up now by getting frustrated and rushing anything.

    She knows how you feel so just keep doing what you are doing and let her come to you.

    She sounds like she is a decent girl with good standards i.e. not wanting to cheat so don't try and game her, she will see right through it. Just be yourself and the best man will win.

    Good job!

  3. #3
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    I disagree, I say game the SHIT out of her.

    thing is, don't push for anything that is considered cheating ie sex etc.

    you've managed to re-set the hook and all you have to do is reel her in. you don't just instantly reel your line in as fast as you can when you have a big fish, you play with it, fight with it, let it tire itself out, that way your line doesn't break.

    you have her associating with you. you have her digging you. she thinks about you. you don't need to rush things or scare her off, keep her coming back, keep her seeing how awesome you are, make her ask herself "why am i with this okay guy when i can have this -amazing- guy?"

    you're doing great, just keep at it.

  4. #4
    Getting Ex Back is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    Top advice guys, really appreciate it.

    Sounds like you's have great understanding of my story and situation. Reading your replies made perfect sense, even though they differ slightly, I liked best the notion to just "keep doing what I'm doing" because it was working "and not to try rush anything" most notably don't try changing tact or introducing vastly different new game because she will see right through it.

    I believe you're both right on all aspects, she's very intelligent and "aware" of how men behave. Being 12 out of 10 guys approach her all the time and use very high-end game to try and be with her so she's probably seen it all.

    Me just being natural, calm, relaxed and patient is probably "different" enough from the intense pursuit most guys give so ironically it's probably making me stand out in an inverse way.

    Anyways, thanks heaps, I think I'll just let it be and let her contact me.
    Maybe if she hasn't contacted me after a month I'll contact her again, but who knows.

    I'm still open to other thoughts, advice, opinions other may have.

    P.S. Also in your opinions (and other forum members)
    When a ex-girlfriend is "hooked on you" like thinks about you often and can't get you out of her mind, does this in "her mind" convince herself to think she is in love with you? ..like do you's think she will ever be able to get me out of her mind and eventually cave-in?

    My underlying strategy is hoping she will maybe someday just think "if I can't stop thinking about this guy, maybe he really is "the one" and I should just give in to my retaliation and be with him"

    In your experiences and knowledge, is this essentially how it works?

  5. #5
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    my personal opinion is:

    when two people meet and like each other, that makes them think of one another. if the right situations occur, the two of them grow together and become a couple.

    however, if one person likes another, but nothing ever happens between them, it will slowly fade away to being just a memory.

    her thinking about you is a good thing, but it does not mean she will magically come running back to you without any effort on your part. it's up to you to create those "right situations" that will make her thoughts of you stronger, until theyre "too much" and she has to be with you.

    that doesn't mean go show up at her place and demand you two get back, that doesn't mean call and txt her every day, that simply means you must play your game properly to create more and more attraction until she can no longer resist. the seed is planted, you need to water it.

  6. #6
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    Hey man,

    First off, I just want to re-iterate how good you are doing.

    Second, I just want to say that I think the key thing here is for you to be congruent. She is an ex and she obviously liked you for what you were - so always be yourself and don't try and change for anybody.

    If it feels right to you to game her then game her. But, on the other hand, if it feels right to play it cool then play it cool.

    No-one knows you or this girl as well as you do. So do what feels right and the outcome will be the right one.

    If the outcome you get isn't the one you want right now then there is a good reason for that and something better will come along when you least expect it.

    Be positive though bro and everything will work out one way or the other.

    Good luck bro and keep us posted.

  7. #7
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting "the 1" special woman (ex) back

    You are regressing your potential by questioning yourself.belive: the material.
    when she contacts you ask her to help you with something your place.it your shot.move things ahead from there.

    or simply invite her over, or hang out somewhere.if a woman feels attraction.she may be open to escalation.
    PEACE


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