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Thread: An old flame...

  1. #1
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default An old flame...

    Hey fellas,

    So recently, about 3 months ago, my gf of 4 years and I decided to break up. Now, I had a gf before her that I dated for about 2 years, and ever since we broke up we've always kept contact.. Not a lot, but the odd message or whatever, we never went more than a few months without some sort of catching up. It's always kind of been in my head, wondering what it would be like to get with her again, and I'm still very curious and think it would be fun. I don't want a LTR with her again, not right now anyways. She's dated a lot of guys since her and I broke up with no success, and I ended up with a girl for 4 years. So we started talking after my most recent breakup and she's been talking a lot about her family, her life, and how jaded she is with guys and with dating in general.. She also said that I probably "seem like good bf material" to girls because I have my sh1t together etc.

    So I finally decided to ask if she'd be up for going out and getting a drink sometime, and she said yes, and told me about this pub we could go to by her house etc.

    What I'm trying to figure out is whether or not she sees this as a date, and a possible fling, or if this is gonna be like a friends zone thing.. Which I don't want. Or is she gonna want to get back together? How long should I wait to setup the date? We didn't talk about a specific time or day.

    Also I've never hooked up with an ex... She was a long time ago but is there a chance this might bring back old feelings for her?

    Thanks a lot for any feedback guys!

  2. #2
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    Anyone have any insight on this? Really curious what you guys think about this topic.

  3. #3
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    First off, congratulation on the opportunity, most of us in this forum are dieing to get the opportunity you have right now.

    anyway, to answer your question, no one but your ex knows -for sure- what she has in mind with meeting up with you.

    however, on the other hand you shouldn't really care about that. she is obviously interested in you on some basic level at the minimum, or she wouldnt even bother hanging out with you. you two have history together so no doubt she's thinking about it, which gives you an advantage

    other then that, read up on your game and play it like you would with any other girl, attraction is not a choice, and you can make it happen.

  4. #4
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    Thanks aff,

    I didn't think I'd even get a shot at this, with us having history and everything.. I think usually girls are weird about that sort of thing. I definitely want to pull this off though.

    Treating it like any other pickup is good advice I think. I'm sure there are some specifics I should be keeping in mind though, based on the situation.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    normally I wouldn't say "treat it like any other girl" because she -is- an ex, so she knows things about you, you know things about her, etc. but the big changer is the timeframe, it's been years, so you two could be totally different people by now, so I would consider it fairly safe to play her like any first/second encounter.

    show up, dress sharp, ooze self confidence, be fun, bring her into your world. make her want to stay.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    That's good advice man, I like where you're coming from.

    Thank you

  7. #7
    jtorres2_1 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    Hey twenty, congrats on the date, you'll do great.

    I agree, its been long enough where you two are very different persons, go at it from the perspective as if she was a new girl. Be cool, funny, smart and show her who the real men do it.

    I would also add that, in my experience with exes and long periods away, you suddenly get into a point where you start remembering everything on how it was, the good and the bad, and it does get kinda weird.

    I suggest you keep extra attention to the Kino escaltion, which will be key. If you do a good escaltion you can really turn up the heat slowly without her even noticing. I suggest this video if you want some ideas.

    I would also be a pretty good idea to learn and get ready a simple gambit like the cube, if you ever get an uncomfortable silence it will allow you to plow like a pro and let her know you have a few new extra tricks up your sleeve.

    I already had something similar happen to me, when of my exes showed up out of nowhere while i was hanging out with my friend, we originally parted ways after a huge messy relationship in which i was mainly the whipping boy. She showed up and i just Alpha bossed them both around, throwing my best negs, she ate all of it up, i felt like a million bucks.

    You got this bro, do your best and report back.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    Ok so I have limited experience with this. In my most serious relationship my gf broke up with me and I was devastated. Well over a year later she got a FB just to get in contact with me. I got her number and hung out with her. Farked her the first day we hung out. I hung out with her all summer and banged her the whole time and she ended up wanting to get back together with me and I said no. It felt great!

    In my limited experience I would say she is definitely thinking about you in more than a friend way. It's also easy to have a good time with a girl you've already been with because you already know her. Kino, kino, kino my friend and you will reap the rewards.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    Thanks boys.

    jt: Awesome advice from you as usual man. I haven't clicked the link for the vid yet but I will.

    I thought about that a bit actually, how the old feelings and just remembering things about each other might start to come back, so you basically confirmed that for me. I think that's an okay thing though, we had a pretty good relationship, and for the most part there was a huge spark between us the entire time we were together.

    You guys both mention escalating with Kino.. We are going to a bar/pub type of place it sounds like so that should be easy enough, I do very well in that setting for the most part.

    TheCube sounds like a solid plan, I haven't tried it, like we talked about before jt.. But I'll do my homework and get a feel for it. Thanks bro.

    Direct: Thanks for the words of enthusiasm dude, I hope it goes the same way for me!

    I am still wondering a couple things though.. If for whatever reason she starts acting awkward or distant, should I still push forward with Kino etc? Or back it off a bit?

    The other thing is we haven't communicated since Saturday, I'm having trouble deciding when I should contact her.. We haven't talked about a time or a specific night yet, so my plan is to start the convo small and lead up to talking about meeting up this weekend.

    Your guys' thoughts on this are greatly appreciated.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: An old flame...

    Personally I would say Fark the cube. I don't know about you but I don't like routines. Whenever I tried doing routines it hurt my game. Just act natural and be yourself man. You've already been with this girl for two years. It shouldn't be hard for you to have chemistry with her. It might be a little weird at first but after the convo gets going it will be like old times. Trust me on that one. I bet you two see each other and hit it off right away like nothing ever changed. That's what happened with me.

    I wouldn't worry about her being awkward from the Kino. If you guys are having a good time she will not get awkward from it. Look at her signals. If you put your hand in a more sensual location and she pulls it off but she keeps giving you ioi's back off for a bit then go for it again. Repeat.

    I would call her. You can make a little small talk with her before hand but I would get to the point and set up a meet.

    Listen. I saw what meteora said to you in another post and I agree 100 percent. If you had success with woman already you should not read into pua. It will only hurt you. It helped me a little in the beginning then I did my own thing and got results. Whenever I came back and read into pua it complicated things for me. Stay direct and be natural.


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