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  1. #1
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    So, i've you've read my earlier threads you know my situation has been looking hopeless, but if not i'll recap quickly:

    -ex dumped me in august
    -i made rookie mistakes (beg, plead, flowers, surprise her at her apt in suit and tie, etc)
    -she went full-angry, removed all forms of contact with me and any time we DID talk she would lash out and be as mean as possible.

    Since then, the only times we have talked was for her to give me the last of my shit (some very expensive gifts from her that i kept at her place), I have made it near impossible for us to meet up and do the exchange up until recently.

    I joined up every relationship forum, PUA forum, and downloaded god only knows how many "get your ex back" ebooks and read them cover to cover and just couldn't make any freaking progress, so I went cold.

    I backed off of her, stopped all contact, if she contacted me i was very blunt, professional, and to the point. "hey whats up. yea sure. okay bye"

    PS: I'd really like to thank everyone for the opinions and support you all have given me, it's been much needed, even if i didn't agree with all the answers I wouldn't have decided to do the "blunt and professional" thing, which was a big turning point.

    Anyway, i was in a desperate situation, I'd tried and tried and she was just beating me down every chance she got. Most of the suggestions given here and on various other forums was "go no contact and move on" and that just made my stomach churn.

    Well, I did something which I thought was a very stupid decision at first, but I'm glad I did. Not to try and sound like an advertisement (seriously), but I wound up paying for a "coaching session" with this guy "Phil" from Get Back With Your Ex | Get Your Ex | Zoomonkey.com.

    Honestly it was kind of weird, after it was all said and done I didn't know if I just wasted some time and money, but in the long run I've come out ahead and honestly it's thanks to that guy.

    Anyway, the jyst of what we talked about so I can get to the point and question for this thread:

    me and him talked for over an hour, i told him how shes been, what i've done, how she acts torwards me, etc. He walked out with me every "possible scenario" for our encounters and we figured out the "best approach". Honestly by the time i talked to him I'd all but given up, cause I tried everything, but for some reason he had an air of confidence about my situation which gave me just enough motivation to keep trying.

    Anyway, sure enough, she called me to arrange the delivery of my stuff. As per his suggestion (and you guys), i agreed to meetup, but insisted that I wont be there and instead a family member or friend would get the stuff, because she had always insisted she'd bring her bf along.

    I was quick to the point, professional, and told her she can drop it off whenever she likes (where i've previously rescheduled on her over and over again)

    suddenly her bitchshield is dropped. I was FLOORED by the change. She told me she doens't hate me, she told me she wants to talk, she promised to come alone so we can talk about "all this". She didn't soundl ike she was ready to come back, but she was having some kind of change in attitude.

    I posted on this forum for advice and got very little, then I called the zoomonkey guy back with this new update, because this wasn't at all expected or discussed as a possible scenario. Again he walked me through how to handle it and so far so good, though I didn't follow his advice to a T (which I somewhat regret, though I'm not sure, that's why im here now in part)

    she wound up rescheduling due to a car accident, but talked to me for about 2 hours on the phone:

    -she told me she still thinks about me
    -she told me she dreams about me
    -she told me she still feels "im the one"
    -she told me she wakes up saying my name
    -she told me "i haven't ruled us out in the future"


    Keep in mind, this girl was telling me she farking hates me, never wants to speak to me again, blocked my number, got a new bf 2 weeks after breakup and used him against me at every chance, and told me he -will- be there if we see each other in person again. For anyone who reads this that's in a similar, no-hope situation, Go professional and no contact. Be available but do not reach out, and when they talk to you, be polite but quick, a "im so done with this i'm not even having emotions about it anymore" attitude. I don't know how, but it saved my ass.

    now heres the tricky part: I told her all my hardcore feelings. I love you, i want to be with you, i think were supposed to be together etc. I did -not- ask her to come back, I did -not- plead, i just told her how I feel. She actually took it pretty well, The only reason I said these things is because I kept remembering the "Match her reality" rule of pickup, and it seemed to work fairly well. We stopped talking for the night after all the emotional talk.

    She then texted me a random question 2 days later, to which I responded with a very simple and short reply, no word since.

    So, heres the question:

    my ex was at a point of hating me, not wanting to talk to me, and got a new bf. Then she gets in touch with me without hostility and tells me she still cares about me etc, though she made it clear she wasn't coming back right now.

    We're supposed to meet up soon (she'll be calling in a couple days/weeks id assume) to deliver my stuff, how do i handle that? Do we do another emotional talk? Do I try to play mr. cool and aloof like all the guides and ebooks say? I'm not sure how to handle this now that her emotions have shifted yet shes still pushing forward...

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    Hey bro,

    Great post and good results so far.

    For me you need to keep doing what you are doing; keeping your distance and being professional seems to be pulling her in.

    You have told her how you feel so my advice would be not to get involved in any more emotional conversations unless you are back together.

    Some girls can get an ego boost and then disappear so do not be too available right now. Take your time, do not do anything rash and play the waiting game.

    But above all, be yourself and be congruent in your actions, texts and conversations.

    You're doing real good bro.

  3. #3
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    thanks for the advice, but i'm not so sure thats 100% fullproof.

    see, the problem is in the details of how we interacted and what we'vea greed on.

    when she contacted me to give me my stuff, i was short and professional, thats when she told me she wants to talk about everything.

    i had no clue what to expect, i figured shed either appologize for being as horrid as shes been (its been bad.) or just want to rail me again but without hostility.

    well, instead of meeting, we talked on the phone due to her car accident. we agreed to talk on the phone, then we can talk more about it in person when we reschedule the drop off.

    she kind of wanted to rail me (tell me how pissed off she is) but also confessed all this emotional stuff as previously mentioned, by giving her the emotional stuff back i was able to pretty much completely remove her anger and we just went back and fourth talking about how much we care about one another blah blah, but she was still keeping a "im still doing this" type attitude.

    so i'm not sure i should keep 100% professional, because of the fact that we previously agreed to "continue the talk in person", though that was before i knew -this- is what she wanted to talk about.

  4. #4
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    Hey bro,

    I don't think anything is fool proof in these situations bro. If it was, there wouldn't be guys like me and you posting on here.

    From your posts I am interpreting this:

    1) This girl dumped you
    2) You went OTT and this pushed her further away to the extent that she started being a total b1tch to you
    3) When you started to act coldly towards her she all-of-a-sudden opened up and admitted she still likes you
    4) You had a long conversation when you admitted you still have feelings for her

    Now there could be a number of things happening here...She could be just wanting an ego boost from knowing she could have you back. She could be seriously thinking about getting back with you but from your posts she doesn't seem to be saying that. She could be confused or playing mindgames or a number of other different things.

    To me this seems like both of you are doing the old push/pull dance. You have pulled by telling her you still have feelings for her but she seems to react more to the push i.e. when you are distant etc.

    I'm not advocating No Contact, all I am saying is that you need to keep doing what seems to have been working so far. She hasn't straight out said she wants to get back together and I presume she still has a boyfriend so I don't think you need to say anymore to her about how you feel. This could be the wrong approach given that she backed away when you broke up and you went all romantic.

    No matter what happens, you need to protect yourself. If you go all romantic and needy now after the hard work that has gotten you here, she could just reject you, get her ego boost, get control back and disappear. And believe me bro, that would hurt.

    I could be interpreting this situation wrongly from your posts, in which case you need to take my views with a pinch of salt. But I think if you look at the situation coldly and logically, without emotion kicking in, you will see what works with her and what doesn't.

    Anyway, to re-iterate, you have done real good so far and just don't get hurt any more bro. You don't deserve that.

    Good luck on the meet and keep us posted.

  5. #5
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    Hmm ..
    Never settle for less.a girl telling you she likes you in this dynamic as an ioi is nothing.avoid scratching the top and dig deep..etc

  6. #6
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    HardRock - could you expand on what you mean?

  7. #7
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    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Ex's attitude is changing + she admitted feelings - now what?

    Why do I come to this section of the site lol? I always just give the same responses!!!

    Game other girls. Be honest about it with her if it comes up. This will kepp your head straight and not send u over the "Cliffs of Clingy."

    When u meet up with her... Be honest. Tell her u don't know if she is genuine. You are willing to try it out as friends but you two are not exclusive at this point. She should appreciate the honesty. If not there maybe something else behind her feelings.

    If she happens to cry or whatever, console her but don't get emotional. More of a "thanks for telling me your feelings" and "hey come on. I'm here now. We are on good terms. Relax. It's going to be ok."

    You can be nice without being AFC. But only if she shows genuine emotion (I.e. crying etc).
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde



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