So, i've you've read my earlier threads you know my situation has been looking hopeless, but if not i'll recap quickly:
-ex dumped me in august
-i made rookie mistakes (beg, plead, flowers, surprise her at her apt in suit and tie, etc)
-she went full-angry, removed all forms of contact with me and any time we DID talk she would lash out and be as mean as possible.
Since then, the only times we have talked was for her to give me the last of my shit (some very expensive gifts from her that i kept at her place), I have made it near impossible for us to meet up and do the exchange up until recently.
I joined up every relationship forum, PUA forum, and downloaded god only knows how many "get your ex back" ebooks and read them cover to cover and just couldn't make any freaking progress, so I went cold.
I backed off of her, stopped all contact, if she contacted me i was very blunt, professional, and to the point. "hey whats up. yea sure. okay bye"
PS: I'd really like to thank everyone for the opinions and support you all have given me, it's been much needed, even if i didn't agree with all the answers I wouldn't have decided to do the "blunt and professional" thing, which was a big turning point.
Anyway, i was in a desperate situation, I'd tried and tried and she was just beating me down every chance she got. Most of the suggestions given here and on various other forums was "go no contact and move on" and that just made my stomach churn.
Well, I did something which I thought was a very stupid decision at first, but I'm glad I did. Not to try and sound like an advertisement (seriously), but I wound up paying for a "coaching session" with this guy "Phil" from Get Back With Your Ex | Get Your Ex | Zoomonkey.com.
Honestly it was kind of weird, after it was all said and done I didn't know if I just wasted some time and money, but in the long run I've come out ahead and honestly it's thanks to that guy.
Anyway, the jyst of what we talked about so I can get to the point and question for this thread:
me and him talked for over an hour, i told him how shes been, what i've done, how she acts torwards me, etc. He walked out with me every "possible scenario" for our encounters and we figured out the "best approach". Honestly by the time i talked to him I'd all but given up, cause I tried everything, but for some reason he had an air of confidence about my situation which gave me just enough motivation to keep trying.
Anyway, sure enough, she called me to arrange the delivery of my stuff. As per his suggestion (and you guys), i agreed to meetup, but insisted that I wont be there and instead a family member or friend would get the stuff, because she had always insisted she'd bring her bf along.
I was quick to the point, professional, and told her she can drop it off whenever she likes (where i've previously rescheduled on her over and over again)
suddenly her bitchshield is dropped. I was FLOORED by the change. She told me she doens't hate me, she told me she wants to talk, she promised to come alone so we can talk about "all this". She didn't soundl ike she was ready to come back, but she was having some kind of change in attitude.
I posted on this forum for advice and got very little, then I called the zoomonkey guy back with this new update, because this wasn't at all expected or discussed as a possible scenario. Again he walked me through how to handle it and so far so good, though I didn't follow his advice to a T (which I somewhat regret, though I'm not sure, that's why im here now in part)
she wound up rescheduling due to a car accident, but talked to me for about 2 hours on the phone:
-she told me she still thinks about me
-she told me she dreams about me
-she told me she still feels "im the one"
-she told me she wakes up saying my name
-she told me "i haven't ruled us out in the future"
Keep in mind, this girl was telling me she farking hates me, never wants to speak to me again, blocked my number, got a new bf 2 weeks after breakup and used him against me at every chance, and told me he -will- be there if we see each other in person again. For anyone who reads this that's in a similar, no-hope situation, Go professional and no contact. Be available but do not reach out, and when they talk to you, be polite but quick, a "im so done with this i'm not even having emotions about it anymore" attitude. I don't know how, but it saved my ass.
now heres the tricky part: I told her all my hardcore feelings. I love you, i want to be with you, i think were supposed to be together etc. I did -not- ask her to come back, I did -not- plead, i just told her how I feel. She actually took it pretty well, The only reason I said these things is because I kept remembering the "Match her reality" rule of pickup, and it seemed to work fairly well. We stopped talking for the night after all the emotional talk.
She then texted me a random question 2 days later, to which I responded with a very simple and short reply, no word since.
So, heres the question:
my ex was at a point of hating me, not wanting to talk to me, and got a new bf. Then she gets in touch with me without hostility and tells me she still cares about me etc, though she made it clear she wasn't coming back right now.
We're supposed to meet up soon (she'll be calling in a couple days/weeks id assume) to deliver my stuff, how do i handle that? Do we do another emotional talk? Do I try to play mr. cool and aloof like all the guides and ebooks say? I'm not sure how to handle this now that her emotions have shifted yet shes still pushing forward...