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  1. #1
    IgotID44 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Not an ex, but a former fling...I had a realization, is it to late?

    Hey guys,

    Looking for some advice on a situation here... Going to give you the full background story on it...
    Met this girl over Tinder during the summer (start of July). We talked pretty frequently for a couple weeks, but she had a death in her family that really affected her, and we kinda quit talking. I had never met her, so I offered my support, but at the same time kinda left the ball in her court seeing as how I had never met her, and didn't want to intrude on her greiving, etc. After this we kind of quit of talking.

    Fast forward to the end of the summer. Im at the bar with some buddies, and I run into her. First time we actually meet face to face. Anyway, we have a real fun night talking, laughing, dancing that kinda thing, and I end up going home with her that night. That week she comes and stays over two more nights, and I go over and stay at her place one night. That weekend, I leave to finish my last semester of university a couple hours south for four months. I come back for Thanksgiving (Mid-October as I am Canadian) and we kinda pick up where we left off, as I go home with her both nights from the bar. Anyway, we talk periodically well I'm away at school, but nothing regarding us, as I thought I had hinted at lets pick things up when I finish in December.

    So as after Thanksgiving as i'm away, I begin to develop feelings for this chick. She's cool, laid-back, funny, knows how to take a joke, but at the same time can dish it out. Pretty much she meshes well with my personality, and is the type of girl I'm looking for. We talk periodically (mostly cause texting long distance when you're not regularly seeing the person becomes tedious, so I went to it to be a special occasion when I text). Last weekend, she congratulates me about my graduation, and I thank her, let her know I'm home soon, and excited to see her. She says text me know when your home.

    Anyway, yesterday I am ready to reconnect with this girl. I've decided I want to pick up where we left off, and start dating this chick now that i'm around for good. Ask her if she wants to hang tonight, she gives a lame excuse, and I say after persistent kind of thing. She doesn't respond for awhile and then the following goes down (text transcript)
    Her - "well, k ill be honest, since you left i've started seeing someone"
    me - was not expecting that
    her - I know, i'm really sorry, I wasn't either really.
    me - Thats disappointing. I wasn't expecting you to wait for me, but at the same time its really shitty timing, cause I realized the past few months I was liking you, and was hoping to see where things went, when I got back"
    her - I don't know maybe if I had more of an indication of that...because I actually liked you
    me - I liked you too. Idk in hindsight I should have clearly told you, at the same time I thought you knew. I didn't expect you to wait for me, as I knew I was going to see other people well I was away. At the same time, I wanted to pick things up where we left off when I got back. I know I could have texted you more, its just hard when your far apart. Just a Shitty situation.
    Her - Yeah it kind of is, just shit timing, I wish I would have known though.
    Me - Me too. How long you been seeing this guy?
    Her - Beginning of November
    Me - Serious?
    Her - umm yeah
    Me - IC. Well you know how I feel about you. I dont expect you to leave this guy for me, but know that I'm not wait around for you. If things change, let me know, but otherwise best of luck.
    Her - You too, congrats again on graduation
    Me - (Jokingly) And no one to come home, haha thanks
    Her - ... low blow
    Me - Just messing, gotta find humor in shitty situations
    Her - Haha this is true shit head

    Anyway, I've been thinking about her non-stop. I kinda sold myself on her, so am a little bummed things turned out this way. I know I could have handled my side differently, but at the same time she could have too.

    Anyway is there anyway to salvage this thing? Or do I need to just let it run its course.. I think she still has feelings for me, but at the sametime I have no idea what kind of feelings she has for the other guy. We had nothing but fun, and laughs when we hung out, and thats kinda what I was trying to remind her of with that last exchange by keeping a positive, cool headed attitude. Anyway, I've been thinking maybe I tell her I cant stop thinking about her, and ask her if she still has feelings for me.. And that I think we belong together kind of thing. Im just looking for some other people to weigh in on this thing, Anyway I can salvage this, or should I try and move on.

    Sorry for the novel, but thanks for the help.

  2. #2
    IgotID44 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Not an ex, but a former fling...I had a realization, is it to late?

    Anyone have any insight or advice?

  3. #3
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    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Not an ex, but a former fling...I had a realization, is it to late?

    First, she wasn't actually telling you no. She was just indicating she was seeing someone else. If you guys had already been having sex, there is a high likelihood she will see you and have sex again. Most girls won't consider that cheating.

    From here out, you need to have a a much lighter more playful conversation with her. All of the stuff about being disappointed and punishing is unattractive and makes her not want to see you.

    Giving it some time, then pinging her is the best strategy.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up


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