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  1. #1
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    Trickstar is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Getting Ex Back from New BF (Who is also her ex)

    Okay, I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible, so if I don't give enough detail please let me know. So me and my ex were together for 10 months (f-closed on the first date) and broke up back in September. I broke up with her because I'd get pissed when she'd talk to other guys and this argument she didn't really fight for me to not leave her. Hours later I apologized and asked to get back together and she did the "lets just be friends" crap, which I refused. I tried going no contact but this was the week of my senior homecoming and I was OBSESSED with her going with me (since I had an ex stand me up at my freshman homecoming) so when she would ask if we were going and when I'd reply.

    The reason this is significant is because over the summer she dumped me saying she just sees me as a friend and I went NC (none whatsoever) for only a day and she pretty much begged me to come back. She would try to bait me into replying by telling me shes had sex with another guy and making negative statuses about me to get me to say something back. I continued to ignore her, until she texted me to please answer and she pretty much begged me to go see her and on my way I got flowers I kept hidden until she hugged me and then all of a sudden she was like "I do love you more than anything, blah blah blah".

    Anyway, she started doing stuff like this again, but because I wanted her to go with me so bad, I'd just reply and say I've been busy and yes we're still going. I'm bringing all this up because I've realised if I'd just ignored her and forgot about the dance she would have begged for me back again. But now to the point, after we went she was cold and detached the whole time and said we're still just friends. She'd still tell me she loved me and all that jazz but I knew she didn't want to be with me so I tried NC after this, but she called me one night, talked things out and set up a date. The day prior to this date she went and had sex with her ex, after which I freaked out and went to her house, got my stuff and said we were never getting back together. Well after that her and him started dating and I went NC for 2 months and tried to break it by asking how her little cousin was doing, after which she blocked me without replying. This dumbfounded me because when she was with me she'd still come up with excuses to talk to her ex before me (not this same guy) until I threatened to leave her one day.

    Anyway, I'm considering trying to get back with her in the future. The future because I want to have a bunch of experiences with other women and have a chance of possibly finding someone else in the mean time. I'd like some feedback and advice about how I'm planning on going about this. I have two scenarios in my mind, both involve using one of my friends who live in her town to go to a party shes at:

    1. Talk to other girls and dance and things to get her jealous and looking at me (possibly have a conversation) and then having her boyfriend (whos cross eyed) look at me and ask him what hes looking at and if he starts getting belligerent either make him back down (make him look like a wuss) or beat his ass (both have the same effect in my mind).

    2. Go to the party, have general fun and mingle like I normally do at parties (don't try to make her jealous, but still talk to women I find attractive) and try to start a friendly conversation with her and use BF destroyer when the time is right (as long as the dude doesn't come start any drama) and get her to give me her new number and work my way from there.

    I'm leaning with option 2, because it uses the least extremes and number 1 I only think of when I get pissed off and could just result in me getting kicked out and lose all chances. I'd love to hear some more opinions.

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting Ex Back from New BF (Who is also her ex)

    Hey bro.

    It seems to me that this girl loves the attention she is getting from you and her current BF.

    Don't play her games. Be a man. If you see her, say hello if appropriate then bail immediately. As for trying to start some sort of argument with her BF, that will just make you look bad so do not go there under any circumstances. Besides, it's not that guys fault you are in this situation. This is all down to her and her mind games. Please remember that.

    Take your power back right now, do not engage and let her realise what she is missing.

    She will get back in touch to draw you back into her games. At that point you need to step back and think hard about how/if you respond. You can post on here if it helps.

    Be the man.

  3. #3
    Trickstar's Avatar
    Trickstar is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting Ex Back from New BF (Who is also her ex)

    I haven't had any contact with her for 4 months and I don't think shes going to contact me. I'm not going to contact her at all unless it's in person where it seems like "an accidental" run in. I don't know why she would even go for the dude. I look better than the dude (hes fat and cross eyed) and I'm smarter. I just want a way to put the situation back into my control. I just want to have another relationship with her and have it where I'M the one who wanted to break up. It's kind of a pride thing. Also she was a freak and I want to experience some of that again haha.

  4. #4
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting Ex Back from New BF (Who is also her ex)

    Hey man.

    Do you really want to get back with this girl and fark up her current relationship just so you can pump her and dump her?

    I'm sorry bro but that is just plain wrong. I read somewhere that you should always leave an ex better than you found her. Please keep that in mind and find a girl that you actually like and spend time with her.

    Your ex will be a distant memory one day - leave it at that please bro.

    Just my opinion - there is nothing stopping you from doing one of the things you have outlined above. Good luck with whatever you decide.

    All the best.

  5. #5
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    Trickstar is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting Ex Back from New BF (Who is also her ex)

    I still love her and I want a second chance and all, but I can't see me taking her the distance like I was about to (we were two months from being engaged) because of her being able to just go to that guy like that. I'm saying that if we break up again, it's going to be because I want to and not her, even though I "dumped" her this time (in reality she left me). The reason I want to have her back is the thought of "we had this great connection and it seems wrong to act like we don't even exist" and that she was the only girlfriend I've been able to act like the weird me around (I have a tad bit of ADHD-like symptoms, I do a lot of immature things and think their funny when I'm excited that generally annoys people) and still be able to look at me the same.

    The only reason that I'm considering it (I always decided if an ex fucks another dude I won't go back to them and my friends all say I'm too good for her) is because of that connection, which I'm giving time to hopefully find with somebody else in the mean time, and that I look at her leaving me differently. I see it as I pretty much pushed her away for acting insecure and shit when she literally told me word for word wants to be with a man who isn't insecure while we were still together, so it's my fault for being a beta.

    I don't know, I want to at least try one more shot with her. I just want to know the best way to go about this. She blocked me on Facebook so I don't want to use social media, I don't have her number and she lives in another town in which I have literally 1 friend in who is a party animal like her and her friends. I do have her aunts number, but I don't want to resort to that because that seems needy to me and I don't like the idea of being considered a stalker. This party idea is the best thing that comes to my mind. I'm thinking if I play it off right at the party she will unblock me and leave the door open for me to re-attract her. I just have this happy image about when we go on our first reconciliation date about my wearing the shirt she bought me under a sweatshirt and her noticing it and us talking and her laughing at my jokes like she used to.

    I don't want you guys to get the impression I'm stuck on her and everything. This thread is for if I do end up pursuing her again, which I haven't decided yet, but I'd like to have a plan for if I do. I have 2 potential FWB's and 1 girl (who is uppity and a virgin, so I get nervous trying to play game on her) who I see as a potential GF and I am actively going out looking for other women. Anyway, from all the information I've given, does anybody have any other ideas or comments about my course of action? I'd like to hear some alternatives if anybody has any.


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