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  1. #1
    aff219 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Did I just mess up? responded fast and a lot...

    So if you've read my previous threads here you know the basic situation already, if not a short rundown:

    -girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me
    -started seeing new guy after 2 weeks
    -i went stupid, beg/plead/cry, made things much worse (she went full-on angry)
    -went out of my way to start fixing the situation (reading ebooks, going out n dating, working out, losing weight, even got paid "coaching")
    -she started being less hostile, but nothing great
    ==================== ==============

    with the current situation, we recently had our "last meetup" in person where she dropped off the last of my stuff. it didn't go great. I tried to keep a strong frame but she pretty much just lashed out. It seemed like she intended on being nice, but it looked like seeing me brought out her emotions and she slowly went from being nice to saying she cares about me to nearly crying and then started getting angry. o well. I think all in all I handled it fairly well though.

    She got in touch with me a week or so ago asking for some information I had. When I responded I asked one quick question about how her pets are doing (the info she wanted was related to her pets and i genuinely miss them) and she wound up telling me a few of them have died recently.

    I was kind of shocked and it bothered me, so I asked a few questions, which ones, how, etc. She was actually pleasent to talk to, she didn't rush to get away, she explained what was going on, and after igot the answers I wanted I backed off. The entire conversation was maybe 10 txt messages over the course of 10 minutes, then I said a final "I'm sorry to hear such bad news, but I have to go do X, goodnight", and she said goodnight back.

    good, quick, clean conversation (though was sad) and I was happy with it.

    Since then, part of me was a little upset that she didn't bother to tell me about this when it actually happened, but only when I asked how the pets were doing, but whatever.

    anyway, yesterday she randomly messaged me (this is where things get bad) and told me that yet another pet had died, this was the "main" pet, the one shes had since I met her (the others we got together) and was by far the closest one to her, and in turn to me. When I saw the txt, first I was shocked she messaged me again, then when I actually read it my emotions got the better of me.

    -I instantly called her, rang 3 times and went to vm (she rejected it)
    -I sent a txt asking her to call me real fast and i only have a minute (truth)
    -after a minute I called again, instantly went to vm (like we both called at the same time so it auto-rejected)
    -sent another txt saying what happened, i have to run so if i dont respond ill get back tomorrow, but tell me what happened
    -called one final time, rang 2x, went to vm (she rejected it)
    -sent a final txt "k well im gone, but please let me know what happened, I'm so sorry"

    Honestly, I didn't play any game in any of that. I was honestly headed out the door when she sent me the txt and had to rush off the phone, but I regret saying it because -every- time shes talked to me in the last 4 months I "have to go soon", and i think its starting to look stupid.

    but anyway, she has not given me any details beyond that one and only txt letting me know the pet died. Why would she tell me that but not be willing to tell me what happened? She knows from the previous conversation we had that I genuinely want to know what happened and I'm not looking to try and have a long talk with her...

    but regardless, what do I do now? She kind of took all the power I had been building up by ignoring my attempts to talk to her...i boned it huh =/

  2. #2
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Did I just mess up? responded fast and a lot...

    Hey man,

    I think I remember your earlier posts - this was the girl that was being a total b1tch to you right? If that's right, you have come a long way to even get to the point where you are conversing quite regularly. That's good bro - so well done.

    I don't have any pets but I would imagine one dying would be quite emotional for her as well as you. And she might be thinking that you are thinking it might somehow be her fault. Or maybe she was upset and didn't want to talk about it.

    Whatever the case, don't let this minor misunderstanding/mis-communication on the phone call/voicemail/texts get to you. These things happen bro and you cant walk on eggshells. I mean you are who you are and if she doesn't understand or appreciate the way you are then its not going to work. You need to be congruent but above all, don't try and change the way you are for anybody. You reacted so what? You're human. She'll understand.

    I actually don't think you have done irreparable damage here. Just remember how far you have come, relax, give it time and she will probably come to you. If not, wait a couple of weeks and re-initiate contact with something light-hearted. If she doesn't re-engage due to this single misunderstanding then, sorry bro, she isn't worth your time anyway.

    Hang in there - you've done most of the hard work already in getting to this point.

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