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  1. #1
    KnockoutKid is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    So here's the situation.

    I've been having a fling with this girl for the past month and a half. We started off talking on facebook and texting. At first she was saying she only wanted to have me in her bed and wasn't looking for anything serious. But as time went on she was all-in and wanted to invest herself in a commited relationship with me.

    Being really insecure and anxious as I am, I've always been distant with girls that I like, and when things start to get too serious I start panicking and most of the time feel like ending it. I got really insecure and jealous with this girl for the smallest things. So much that it made me physically ill. She was still digging me and still wanted to commit to me. Even after a few times that I suggested that things might not work between us. One time I ended it but texted her a few days later telling her it was stupid and I couldn't imagine myself without her like that. Talk about a roller coaster.

    Last week was the time she decided she had enough, and I can understand why. I got mad at her for a stupid reason and the next morning I told her I thought things wouldn't work between us. She got mad and told me it was over. For the next day and a half she wouldn't answer my texts or calls, and boy did I call and text.

    Basically I did everything wrong, she was clearly showing interest in me and I was being distant and non-chalant, while being extremely jealous.


    After a day or two of no contact I got drunk and went to her place at 1 am. Rang her bell and she came to the door. Wouldn't let me in, I got mad and told her I had feelings for her, that I wasn't going to leave that I loved her. I eventually got in and we started making out, she was on her period so nothing happened but I slept with her and she was all over me. It's been two days and usually she would text alot, yesterday I think I was being way too clingy, telling her I was thinking about her and missed her and blabla. She told me she was liking the fact that I was opening up but I'm sure that deep down inside it's turning her off, she hasn't really expressed the same kind of feelings for me the last few days. Today I haven't received a single text from her, wich is a bit odd. I'm thinking all of this made me lose alot of attraction in her eyes.


    She's leaving in two days for a week long vacation, I'm a bit worried if I don't see her before she leaves the last bits of attraction she has will just vanish.. Can I recover from this? Should I go back to being an heartless asshole? I'm a bit confused. Same scenario happened with my ex-gf and I was heartbroken for days even when I was the one that wanted to end it. I just get overwhelmed and want to escape but when I'm alone I realise I loved the girl and try to get her back everytime.


    I know I have huge issues that I have to fix and work on myself, But I'd like to get this girl back to the stage where she was all over me.

  2. #2
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Thumbs up Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    I would suggest going no contact longer than 2 days. I would say 2 weeks min. You need to stop the drama that you admit to causing. You mention that you feel it is turning her off and that you are coming off as jealous, clingy ect. You need to change this or you will lose her. These traits are not attractive to women. Strength, confidence, being in control these traits are what women desire in a man. Show up drunk, texting your feelings are all beta moves. An Alpha would never act like that. I highly suggest while she goes on her week long vacation that you take a vacation of your own and work on you. Read The Game. Absorb the content and live it. If you do this, she will fall for you.

    Also lean about frame control. I feel that you could benefit from mastering this. She seems like an easy target for this technique.

  3. #3
    KnockoutKid is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    Thanks for answering! Last days have been really confusing for me.

    Friday-Saturday night I went to her place drunk, at first she didn't want to let me in and eventually we made out passionately in her doorway and I slept with her, she was all over me and I left in the morning.

    Saturday we texted alot like we would usually, she was playful and told me that her feelings had not changed, that she just needed the time to set her mind straight.

    Sunday same thing, we texted back and forth like usual.

    Both Saturday and Sunday I was my usual self, but couldn't hold myself back from saying romantic stuff to her that might have turned her off. I thought I had successfully won her back and wanted to show her that I cared.

    Monday was the last day she was in town, as she was leaving in the night for her flight. I did not receive a single text from her. I was pissed because it was the last day/night we could spend a little time together and I didn't get any attention. At the end of the day I couldn't hold it any longer and texted her, she felt my disapointment. I went beta again and told her it was my fault anyway, that I screwed things over. And then she told me she thought she didn't feel the same way that she used to.

    Eventually I convinced her to let me come to her place and kiss her goodbye before she left. Again we made out a bunch. She had hands in my tshirt and was kissing me. She told me 1 week was very short and that she would send me pictures. I tried keeping my cool and succeeded in not showing sadness and being cocky/funny but she still felt my nervousness.

    I even extended my hand for an handshake before I left, in a very cocky way with a little smirk. She said ''no never, I'll never shake your hand in that fashion'' like she would never consider me in a ''friendly'' way.


    So here I am, confused as fark as to how I should proceed. This girl was CRAZY ALL OVER ME a week or so ago, and now it's all crap. I'm not exactly sure if she needs proof that I really like her or if she just needs space.

    She told me multiple times that it did not make sense for me to tell her I have strong feelings after acting cold and distant since the beginning. Basically I had her chasing me and instead of closing the deal at some point and making her my girlfriend I pussied out and she got tired of my sh*t.

    Should I just go no contact when she comes back? I'm definately not bothering her this week. Thing is, she's a very busy girl and if I go no contact I will probably not see her again for a long long time. She has a lot of guys hitting on her and I might just lose her in the process.

  4. #4
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    Ok after getting more info on how she acts and reacts around you, I feel total no contact would be a little counter productive. I would do limited contact. Hit the gym. Read up on game. If she asks, you are just really busy. Which u will be. Have light convos keep them friendly. Don't talk for hours about your feelings. That's a beta move. An alpha doesn't have to announce his feelings or explain why he does stuff. An alpha gives off those feelings more non verbally than anything. An alpha only speaks of them to use them as tools to close. I suggest reading up on Push Pull theory and cat/String Theory. I think u are doing a little of these without realizing it. It's a good thing.

    To me, an outsider, it doesn't sound as bad as you make it seem. It sounds like there is heavy confusion. Not damage. I would still seriously consider doing the self improvement. Your second post still shows signs of an AFC style thinking. Being upset that you couldn't spend her last day in town with her before she left is AFC 101 and something u don't want to let happen again. These slip ups could be why she is distant a times.

    But don't sweat it that much dude, you are still in a good place. Just work on your confidence,self image and game to avoid any future slip ups.

  5. #5
    KnockoutKid is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    Thank you.


    She actually texted me while I was sleeping this morning.

    Said she was in surfer's paradise, joined a picture of the emplacement and told me to sleep well.

    I'm guessing she's AT LEAST thinking of me a little. I thought about not replying at all but it was 7 hours later anyways. So I just replied ''Looks amazing, enjoy xx'' and left it at that.

    She also sent a snap chat later but I think that one was meant for all her friends also.

  6. #6
    KnockoutKid is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    Thank you.


    She actually texted me while I was sleeping this morning.

    Said she was in surfer's paradise, joined a picture of the emplacement and told me to sleep well.

    I'm guessing she's AT LEAST thinking of me a little. I thought about not replying at all but it was 7 hours later anyways. So I just replied ''Looks amazing, enjoy xx'' and left it at that.

    She also sent a snap chat later but I think that one was meant for all her friends also.

  7. #7
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    Good reply. Just shave off the xx. If you say "looks good, enjoy" is just enough to reply but leave her wanting more. Hold off on adding smileys too many "lol" or "haha". You don't want your messages to scream best friend.

  8. #8
    KnockoutKid is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    Yeah I guess. I think I would preffered if she didn't text. Now she got my attention and I will be hanging on a string waiting for her next text. And if it's never coming I will be disapointed.

    She got me exactly where she wants me lol, it's ridiculous.

    Do you still think it's a good sign if she takes even 5 minutes of her time to send me something like that?

  9. #9
    KnockoutKid is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recovering from huge mess up with fling.

    I blew it, had to get drunk again and text her stupid stuff like I missed her and loved her.

    She texted me to ''Seriously forget about her''.

    Feel like shiet.


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