So here's the situation.
I've been having a fling with this girl for the past month and a half. We started off talking on facebook and texting. At first she was saying she only wanted to have me in her bed and wasn't looking for anything serious. But as time went on she was all-in and wanted to invest herself in a commited relationship with me.
Being really insecure and anxious as I am, I've always been distant with girls that I like, and when things start to get too serious I start panicking and most of the time feel like ending it. I got really insecure and jealous with this girl for the smallest things. So much that it made me physically ill. She was still digging me and still wanted to commit to me. Even after a few times that I suggested that things might not work between us. One time I ended it but texted her a few days later telling her it was stupid and I couldn't imagine myself without her like that. Talk about a roller coaster.
Last week was the time she decided she had enough, and I can understand why. I got mad at her for a stupid reason and the next morning I told her I thought things wouldn't work between us. She got mad and told me it was over. For the next day and a half she wouldn't answer my texts or calls, and boy did I call and text.
Basically I did everything wrong, she was clearly showing interest in me and I was being distant and non-chalant, while being extremely jealous.
After a day or two of no contact I got drunk and went to her place at 1 am. Rang her bell and she came to the door. Wouldn't let me in, I got mad and told her I had feelings for her, that I wasn't going to leave that I loved her. I eventually got in and we started making out, she was on her period so nothing happened but I slept with her and she was all over me. It's been two days and usually she would text alot, yesterday I think I was being way too clingy, telling her I was thinking about her and missed her and blabla. She told me she was liking the fact that I was opening up but I'm sure that deep down inside it's turning her off, she hasn't really expressed the same kind of feelings for me the last few days. Today I haven't received a single text from her, wich is a bit odd. I'm thinking all of this made me lose alot of attraction in her eyes.
She's leaving in two days for a week long vacation, I'm a bit worried if I don't see her before she leaves the last bits of attraction she has will just vanish.. Can I recover from this? Should I go back to being an heartless asshole? I'm a bit confused. Same scenario happened with my ex-gf and I was heartbroken for days even when I was the one that wanted to end it. I just get overwhelmed and want to escape but when I'm alone I realise I loved the girl and try to get her back everytime.
I know I have huge issues that I have to fix and work on myself, But I'd like to get this girl back to the stage where she was all over me.