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Thread: Unexpected break up - ?

  1. #1
    parapa is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Unexpected break up - ?

    Hello to you guys out there and this is my story...

    About 2 months ago I met a woman we were having a romantic relationship as kids, about 15 years ago. We were having fun together for about a month and although she told me in the beginning she wasn't ready for a relationship, we finally made out and for about a month we were like a normal couple.

    She was telling people how happy and in love she was with me, her friends were approaching me telling her that she was so happy with me and to be honest things were looking really good. After the first 2 weeks(which were really great, being together almost all the time about 4 times per week), we decided that we should spend some time doing other stuff in our lives, like seeing our friends and family because we had spent so much time together and we wouldn't like to make this relationship boring and needy. So we started seeing each other about 2 times per week. We live about 10 minutes walk time from each other, but I wouldn't like to seem so clingy and walk to her house for a kiss or something and seem desperate. Although we didn't see each other that often we were talking to the phone for 2-3 times per day and sometimes those calls were long enough(30-40 minutes), a typical "good morning babe" text etc.

    About 10 days ago she came over to my place, she was kissing me, being emotional and we had fun together with movies and stuff(no sex but none of us mentioned it) she slept over and things were looking great.. the following day she called me over to her place and we hanged out with some friends of her, things were ok, even though she seemed kinda skeptical(but I know you can't be always laughing and in good mood so I didn't really give any credit to it)...then the following day I was out in a very noisy place with some friends of mine and she texted me that we needed to talk about our relationship and that she didn't feel ready for something like this. I couldn't and wouldn't go out to call her so I texted her that she is free to do as she will and I wanted her to be just happy. She texted me that she appreciates me as a person and I responded that I did the same for her.

    Afterwards(late at night)she didn't call me, the next day she didn't do this either. The second day after the last text message, she texted me that "either way" after 10 days (that she stopped some kind of diet and medication), she would call me over to hang out and eat something. I didn't even bother to answer, because you don't just dump someone by text message when you are 30 years old and supposedly you know want you want in your life and if you really wanted to see him you would call him or walk by his house which is 10 minutes walk time from yours...

    So she messaged(all of this happened in text messaging) me some hours later and told me that probably I wanted NC with her. I responded in an "unaffected" way by telling her why she is asking me of what suggestions she should make...


    Ex: I'm sorry I gave you unhappy feelings
    Me: How come you know what you cause to other people and how other people feel
    Ex: I understood it the last time we talked
    Me: When did we talk last time
    Ex: Two days ago via text
    Me: Isn't texting a way of arranging dates and saying dumb stuff?
    Ex: Then why were you texting me the day before, I thought we were talking
    Me: What would you do if you were in a noisy place and hanging around with friends?
    Ex: The I need to talk stuff I told you was to meet and talk when we could
    Me: Instead you keep on texting and making assumptions
    Ex: I don't prefer texting, I suggested that we should meet and eat something and you didn't answer
    Me: If you want to see me and talk to me, you know how

    Since then its been a week of NC. To be honest, I really have great confidence in my self, I am fit and good looking, doing stuff in my life, have friends and I am a social person in general. What I liked about her in the beginning was that she gave me the impression of being a person who knows want she wants, and when she finally told me that she wanted me and keep telling this thing all over again and being so enthusiastic about our relationship..this made me feel great. We both had the same goals in our life as we talked in the beginning, wanting to make a family, establish a steady life with our jobs etc...I was feeling really lucky to have found her really, almost a victim of oneitis. She was recently out of a 2y LTR and I'm 6 months emotionally out of an 8 year LTR(although I still care for and love my ex-ex LTR gf, but not IN-love and I have told my ex about it because she asked me about it).

    During our time together, she has asked me a lot about my ex-ex LTR gf and I suppose that she might think that I am not so into her and thinking about the girl before her...you know it is hard not to think about a woman you've been with for about a decade(I withdrew from that relationship because I got really-really hurt), I've done lots of stuff not to think about her and I told her that it is hard to make a new start again, but I really wanted to try with her and I did try. For the past month I tried to make her feel safe and I didn't want her to spend much money because I know she didn't have many.

    I really don't know what to do next. I want to give her time to think over, even though I know she has already thought about this. I know what I want and this recent texting behavior really made me think about her as immature and afraid of confronting me. I will not try to convince her about anything, because it is something she should decide for herself. I would like to try things with her and for this reason I am willing to read your opinions. I still keep NC and carry on with my life, I don't want to seem needy and I really don't want to ask her "Why, how, etc etc", if she wanted she would come over to me and tell me about the reasons why, so I keep an attitude with that.

    I will be looking forward to your opinions,
    thank your for reading my story

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    Hey, there's nothing wrong with your relation unless she specifically stated it was a breakup.in your response texted, infered you were very bitter and sort of mad at her for one thing.get yourself together and open line of communication again.
    In your dynamic avoid talking about ex.in a nutshell be a bigger man and invite her over.if you stay off contact long you might totally loose her based on your dynamic

  3. #3
    parapa is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    She messaged me that night saying that she wasn't ready for a relationship. She had told me that thing also before we got together. Well, it's been a month since we last talked to each other. Common friends asked me about the breakup(she told them) and I said that nothing bad had happened and I hoped that she was fine, although I wouldn't contact her and keep on with my life.

    I got some stuff of hers that she needs, but hasn't contacted me to get them. I'm kinda turned off by this behavior, because I have done nothing wrong to her and I've treated her with excess respect.Even if we met each other I wouldn't like to talk about what happened etc etc etc...dunno what she is used to but I'm not this kind of guy.

    True I've been a bit bitter, this unexpected stuff hurt my ego and I don't regret talking to her that way. So you think I should be the bigger man...true that long enough NC will screw things up for sure.

  4. #4
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    Best to establish contact in this dynamic

  5. #5
    parapa is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    I broke NC yesterday with a friendly and somehow pleasant message, telling her that I found something she forgot in my house(which she needs but probably got another one)..well I wrote it in a somehow funny way cause we used to laugh with similar stuff and implied that someone is supposed to pick it up..
    Also said that I hoped she is OK...

    Almost 24 hours and no reply

    Statistics say that she should feel lonely and vulnerable at this moment. I know she listens to depressing songs and that she's gonna ink her arm with a really "evil" and "grim" tattoo..crazy stuff people sometimes do after a breakup, you know..I'm not a stalker but I saw that stuff on my fbook news feed(didn't do the block/unfriend thing which I find really cheesy and weak to do).

    Well I feel cool and confident with myself and treated her with respect, but I've done nothing wrong to deserve this behavior. What do you think..? Leave it that way or do something?

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    Depends on...either ways you need to send her something along the lines of this.

    before i delve you need to be very careful of calling her out too much here.stop going on about your ex.if she what you want there's another way.

    Dear x,
    I understand that you still want your stuff with me or at least don't really want them.you are generally nice so i will feed them to a cat or not.will be sitting in my laundry bowl with my white cloth so you come and wash them.if not i will take all your money during the divorce proceedings.maybe not or yeah.the other day i couldn't get back to you early..i thought about it and you will make a nice friend too...got to bounce..

    may copy as put and glean from it..she might be a bit confused right now

  7. #7
    parapa is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    Did the copy paste stuff...yeah we had a small chit-chat, typical friendly stuff, said she might come over at some point to get her things. Asked how I was doing, told her a bit about my recent activities. Said she was glad about this (although she said nothing about herself but I didn't ask also directly), wished me g night, I wished back and end of conversation.

    Well, I see no future here to be honest (didn't see strong ioi), at least for the time being and I won't "chase" it no more. We used to have a very special way of communicating with each other(which is the thing I miss about her), I will never know what happened, although it doesn't matter. It's going to the bitter sweet closet and also it made me wiser. Damn firework relationships

    If anything else happens I'll post it of course.

    Thanks btw for all the help

  8. #8
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    Don't miss shots to move up a notch and there might be this feeling that things moved too fast in terms of how you got talking to her again, etc, which might make you feel like going slow a bit.may not Freeze Out too long.knoe you care sort of..

  9. #9
    parapa is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    Well I think that 40 days NC were enough for her to think some stuff over..won't use pressure for any reason. A common friend of ours asked me about the breakup and I said that I didn't know what happened, yet I thought she is a great girl...guess what?He told me she said the same thing(in a serious way really!)!He also told me she is a great mess after the breakup,compared to the happy person she was with me. I really don't know what's going on, maybe backing off would be the best thing to do, yet maintain a typical line of communication if it comes along.I told her the other day that I don't shut her off completely yet I don't expect anything as well.

    This situation is way too bizarre already, gonna keep it cool and open to opportunities, but no pushing whatsoever.

  10. #10
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unexpected break up - ?

    If you are not that attracted don't pursue considering a few factors..


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