The ex and I broke up in June 2012 yet we stayed living together, having sex occasionally but mostly not getting a long. In short I felt trapped and it was only after she convinced me she had cheated and had started being violent that I walked away for the sake of the kids...
Between now and then has been hell, we've gone through court over the kids, she's made all kinds of accusations, had social services involved and numerous other things.
To say she can be volatile is an understatement and we've both moved on it seems... I've been with other women, she's been with other men and now claims to have a new boyfriend.
Here's the thing though, on Monday night she phoned me to tell me that she was starting back at university in June to finish her student nursing degree and that although she didn't need me to be the one as she had other options like moving in with this new boyfriend that she claimed she didn't want to do because she likes having her own space... but that as the dad to our kids she'd prefer me to move back to her town to be a more active part of the kids lives.
I fought tooth and nail to get what contact I do have now and its good but my kids are my world and so any opportunity to be move involved with them is great only this feels like a trap.
I'm of two minds about what kind of trap though... first of all I don't believe there is a boyfriend or even if there is that she would have the opportunity of moving in with him. She already said she didn't want to and I can't help but think that for her to ask me she must be truly desperate.
So maybe she is looking for a free babysitter, as long as there are boundaries in place that she respects then that's fine.... I lose nothing by moving and actually gain more access with the kids, considerably more but she paints this as being a temporary thing while she studies but then as a registered nurse or as a student the shift patterns she is going to be working are the same so this arrangement could last for another 13 years until our youngest turns 16.
The ex can be manipulative etc but clearly she can see that and realistically can't expect my to give up 13 years of my life in order to enable her.... unless she has designs of rekindling the relationship, under her terms as that's the only way it could work long term.
I want to stress the fact I am not in love with the ex, I have no feelings for her other than indifference as it stands now but the one thing I want more than anything is to have my family back and if there was a way of rekindling this relationship properly, not just for the sake of the kids but because when she isn't being a total head case she's a really great person to be around and I could see myself falling for that person again.
So how do I go about this guys? I know I need to build an attraction up again but I'm a total AFC and am pretty clueless when it comes to women, let alone trying to reform a relationship that has ended badly on both sides.
I want to get her back and to fall in love again and be a family once more and I've got nothing but time at the moment.
Just to add I was never violent to her, I just stopped trying and became very stubborn.