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  1. #1
    betaloc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default 40 days of limited contact after breakup, chances fading?

    Hi, Im Pawel (Paul) and I'm from Poland. It's my first time on a non-polish forum. I havent had much opportunities to practice english, but I'll do my best to make it clear and understandable. Hope you guys will get throug it without bigger problems

    BACKSTORY
    So here's my story: I'm a 25 year old male, Im finishing med school in 2 months and going to become a doctor. My problem's my ex girlfriend who I would like to get back. We're from the same home town, went to the same high school (didn't know each other back then), went to the same Medical University and even ended up in the same student group (so we have all classess together). From the beginning we were close friends (it started in 2008), at some point when we were both drunk we ended up in bed together, i know she wanted to create a realtionship with me, but i wasnt into it back then. Both of us had few partners, but none of those were any good. We became couple just before Christmas in 2012. As usual in the beginning everything was awesome. But I kept making a mistake: I still treated her like a friend. I kept telling her about all my insecurities, fears etc. I wasn't too resolute at making decisions, wasn't spontaneous. I thought that if im a smart guy (Im a Mensa member), can make her laugh eaisly, will make some decent money, with her family liking me it's ok to act like that. I took her for granted. Obviously all of my behaviour led to her losing interest in me as a man (shame I got to know it after breakup).

    BREAKUP
    So in the beginning of 2014 things started to get bad. We often had fights about her spending too much tame with her flatmate (she hates me) instead of me. In february she started contacting more with her friend form US, a 35 yo med student whos leaving Europe i few months (so she cant have a serious relationship with him). I didnt do anything about it, but i was getting a little nervous. About 18th february i hacked her facebook and read her messages with her best friend and that guy (I know, but i was THAT insecure guy back then, will never do that again). She told her friend that things with me were OK, she knew I was trying to make it all work, but as she said she didnt think that was IT. On the other hand she was clearly interested in the guy, she started all the conversations, asked stupid things, told him she likes him, even offered to hang out and grab a beer together. I was shocked, I realized my relationship was falling apart. So I arranged a special dinner with friend, bought her present (should have backed off, huh?). Doesnt matter, because on 20th february when we were leaving hospital's cloakroom after classes he was there. I wanted to kiss her goodbye but she was avoiding it, pretended not to her me she headed towards exit. I had to call her name really loudly. She kissed me when he turned his back on us so he didnt see anything. So... she didnt even tell him she was in a relationship. I had to go, but i texted her right away that I noticed she didnt want him to find out that she had a boyfriend. We met later that day and she broke up with me. She started crying, i acted strong but eventually started to cry too. She said she doesnt see us together in few years, she doesnt want to wake up one day only to find out that she hates me and herself. I agreed to all of that, just asked if there weren't any chances even if I changed. Didn't beg her. She didn't want me out of her life, wanted to remain friends. I don't remember exactly how i responded, but i agreed to it i think.

    AFTER BREAKUP
    We still have classes together for month and a half. On the first day after splitting we were talking like friends, we even laughed at sth. But on monday after weekend everything changed. I stopped looking at her, talking to her (only responded when she asked me something), basically "Hi" was all that she heard from me. Other people said she looked really sad, i looked normal as always. She has sent me messages on facebook few times, but I didnt answer. We texted each other only to inform about classes. But now, ater 4-5 weeks Im losing hope. She doesnt seem to look so sad anymore. The guy cheers her that effectively? Im not even sure if there is anything between them, but its better to assume there is, wont hurt that much. She spends most of her weekend evenings at flat and she cant have sex there (i know, facebook stalking wont get me anywhere..). In 2 weeks we have Easter, so we will be spending a week in our home town. Maybe thats when shes going to fell the loss the most? after that on 26th we have a party, something like a prom. I think that will be when we will talk to each other for the first time after breakup. I will control myself with alcohol to keep my mind clear.

    CHANGES
    I don't want you guys to think I'm just waiting for her to change her mind and doing nothing. I read tons of pua articles, forums and stuff. I go to gym 3-4 times a week. I started a sailing course and a dancing course. My dancing partner seems even to like me a lot (my first experiences with PUA techiques, we'll see where it goes). I even visited a hooker Im working really hard on my self esteem and confidence. Many people told me i look better, and behave more confident. They noticed it, so she did as well?

    So, what are my chances? I think me and my ex are going to end up working in the same hospital in September. Maybe thats my time to strike (if I don't get over her by then)? Or you think it may happen earlier?

    SORRY for my english, if u have any questins, ask

  2. #2
    Vicodin24's Avatar
    Vicodin24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 40 days of limited contact after breakup, chances fading?

    There are tons of threads on how to get your ex back. Use the search function to check them out. Make sure you read them first

    From what you said, it looks like you're doing well in terms of moving on. Start talking to other girls - everywhere. Keep your confidence up, keep smiling, etc. All that's left is to start talking to her again. Take her for a friendly drink or split some kielbasa
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  3. #3
    moneyspills is offline Banned
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    Default Re: 40 days of limited contact after breakup, chances fading?

    The next step you take can either make or break your chances of reconciling with the woman you adore. For the next few weeks you have to pretend as though she does not exist. You've got to remove yourself completely from her life. That means absolutely no contact whatsoever in any form. Although this seems like a very bad idea when your goal is to win her back, it actually works amazingly well. If you can stay away from her, you'll create a noticeable void in her life. She's going to miss you and she's going to wonder if you miss her. If you can hold out for at minimum two to three weeks, she'll call to touch base. From there, it's only a few short steps to a full blown reunion between you two.


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